What do you do when someone who is not invited says they will be there?

[Whatsthedonething]

I have booked a meal for DDs birthday - for her and some friends. I have also booked a table for a couple of members of my family so we can supervise the children and have a meal ourselves.

I thought it was a given that the invite extended only to children. Now a mum of one of those invited has told me she's going to be attending. I don't think she'll expect me to pay for food but I was looking forward to a bit of a catch up with family although I know we'll be spending time keeping watch over the children too.

I would rather she didn't come. I want to focus on the party and having a meal with my family and not have to play hostess. What do I say to her? I don't want to offend.

I wouldn't mind so much if she was planning to bring her family and have a meal as well but she's not.

How old are the children? Is the Mum's child one who might need her parent there.

7/8. I didn't expect anyone to have a problem leaving them behind. I know lots of parents who do, even when it's an activity where they need an eye keeping on them.

As I said, if parents wanted to bring siblings and have a table to themselves and a meal of course I wouldn't bat an eyelid. I just didn't expect to be having to invite people to my table.

Maybe she doesn't have transport?

Could you send a group text to all the mums saying something like 'Looking forward to x's birthday meal on xx. No need for any parents to stay, we've got it covered! Enjoy the free time 😉 and collection will be at x' ?

It's not a transport issue. She has a car. It's not far from home. It's not because of logistics. She's just invited herself to the party.

I had already sent a message to everyone clarifying drop off and pick up arrangements. I know she knows what they are. This is why it's so awkward. It's like she's just decided she's going to ignore that and be there.

Did you reply when she told you she will be there?

Maybe she is lonely and is trying to meet new people? Surely one extra doesn’t matter?

I think maybe you’ll have to brazen it out: “oh don’t worry about coming, we’re happy to supervise - go off and have a coffee! See you at x o’clock when you pick her up”

Then loads of smileys

What kind of meal? In a restaurant or a pub with play area type place?

That is a bit odd. Like a PP said, tell her she doesn't need to stay as everything is under control.

could you send her a personal text and say something like "just wanted to check you got my text.my phones been playing silly buggers and some mums haven't been getting it.are you ok for the pick up and drop off times?

Maybe she is thinking of saving herself the hassle of leaving for a relatively short period only to come back an hour or so later?

Maybe she doesn't know you well and she isn't trusting or maybe she doesn't trust her child to behave independently?

Maybe she's......hungry?

honestly I would just be social, build bridges and be happy her kid is coming to help make your dds birthday do special.