How annoyed / concerned should I be about this?

[rightreckoner]

DD is 11 and has just started at secondary school. She commutes by tube and got on the wrong tube home today. Not too disastrous but she was on her way to the platform to go back in the direction she had come from when she was stopped by a woman who asked her if she went to X school. DD said yes. The woman asked her if she lived near to this tube stop and DD said no, she’d got on the wrong tube. The woman then asked her what year she was in and DD says year 7.

The woman then says “well that’s great because my daughter has just started in y3 (there’s a prep school) and would you be able to pick her up and drop her off at school? It would be great if you could and please give me your phone number”

So poor DD was feeling a bit bewildered and trapped and she gave her her phone number. Despite having been briefed 100 times that adults you don’t know should never ever ask you for help and if they do (“please come and help me find my lost puppy”) you should get away from them. I’ve even told both the dcs that they are allowed to be rude in this situation and they don’t have to worry about getting into trouble for rudeness.

So how concerned would you be ? She either is a school mum with no boundaries who thinks my barely coping 11 year old would be willing or able to go to a whole different part of London to pick up a 7 year old every day. Or she’s a random nutter. Or worse.

I’ve talked it through with both DCs and they understand now that they should never be put in this position. We’ve agreed I will speak to this woman should she ever ring and put her straight.

Thoughts please. And maybe some gin.

Change her phone number tonight.

That’s really weird! Please make sure your DD is comfortable getting herself away from this woman in future if she sees her again. Maybe do a bit of role playing with her so you and she can come up with various responses to hypothetical approaches.

That’s a good point about seeing her again. I’m currently googling how to change the number.

No don't change the number. You need to speak to this woman yourself, the bairn might bump into her again. This is too adult a situation to leave her with, shell be looking over her shoulder.

I'd also speak to the school about a possible safeguarding issue as well.

Would it be worthwhile contacting school or am I being too drama llama?

This person is stopping young girls in the street and asking them to pick up a random maybe mythical 7 yr old. Yes I would speak to the school.

That’s what I was wondering. Reallly appreciate everyone’s thoughts on this ... this parenting lark is a challenge sometimes and it’s really helpful to be able to hear how others would approach this.

Did the woman mention her daughter's name? If she did, call the school and let them know. She might have been for real. They can then call her and tell her she is absolutely never to accost other pupils in public again!

She didn’t but she did say her own first name. So if she really is a school parent they could probably work out who it was.

This made my hairs stand on end. She could be luring young girls for someone else. I would report this!

Xp @gamerchick from my 20:26 post-production glad lots of us saying contact school!

Random 'production' there!

Argh, block the number on your DD phone, she might ring when DD is commuting, and tell DD if woman ever approaches her to go to tube staff, poor lass x

Wow, that's creepy. I would definitely log this with the school and perhaps even non-emergency police.

Contact the school, hopefully they will contact her and block her number on the daughters phone as well. I would text her number as well, tell her that her contact with your daughter was inappropriate and that she is not to approach your daughter again.

Thank you all for your insights. I will contact school tomorrow and will update when I hear anything back from them.

If genuine, what kind of idiot is that woman? She's chosen a random girl and asked her to care for her most treasured possession!

I wouldnt block the number. Wait and see if she calls. Tell your dd not to answer the phone to any number she doesn't have saved in her phone for now, then you call back any numbers that come up. How weird! I wpuld also contact the school.

Speak to school and the police. This is definitely fishy and a safeguarding matter. Whether the story was true...which I very much doubt...or not,it was totally inappropriate in all respects. Random adult asking an 11 year old for their phone number? I don't think so.

Your DD has discovered that it's difficult to resist a persuasive adult so you'll have to try and build up her assertive skills as well as her confidence.

I'd be very concerned in your shoes.

I would be very concerned also!
Personally i would talk to the lady tell her under no terms is she to expect my child to care for her child and most definitely is not to bombard her whilst she is going about her day.
Log it with the school tomorrow it seems very strange and i would be worried about her seeing her again or the lady wanting to find out her route etc xx

Thanks for all advice yesterday. I have spoken to the school who were very responsive and, amazingly, it seems quite likely that this was actually a school mum. Someone immediately came to mind as a parent who had previously done something similar - the head of safeguarding is going to pursue and if it is indeed this particular school mum, will issue strict instructions to this parent that this must stop.

They will also speak to all the girls about how to tackle people who approach them on public transport. The head of safeguarding immediately understood that girls fall back on politeness when faced with a persistent and apparently friendly adult. I have gone over again with the children that they must not give out any personal details and can fall back on "I need to speak to my mum" as a default blocking phrase. And I've told DD to go to the ticket office and find an underground member of staff if there is the remotest feeling of unease.

If it isn't this school mum then we are back to random nutter scenario. In which case we will sort the phone etc.

Thanks again for all the guidance yesterday. I feel reassured by the school although alarmed that there is a parent anywhere in the world who thinks this is a good idea.

Good to read your follow up and it's been a useful lesson,if nothing else.

If it is said mother, you can assume she was at the back of the queue when common sense was being dished out!

Have you contacted the Tube Station to see if there is any CCTV footage of the woman? This could be very useful to identify her, especially if it turns out not to be who the school think it is.