I don't know if I should get help

[Feb2018mumma]

Or if it's just being a mum?

I haven't slept more than 2 hours in nearly a month.

I feel a obligation to see everyone even though I have no energy.

I hate leaving the house and if I do it normally tires me out for at least 24-48 hours.

I had a fall the other day as I am so tired and my legs seem to have stopped working.

I find it hard breastfeeding and feeding my baby is so hard. My husband keeps passing him to me and now whenever he is on the floor hecrawls to me, pulls up on the sofa and pulls at my top. I never seem to get a break from feeding even though he is now on solids too.

I haven't been apart from him in 8 months and everyone around me is post baby body, out and about and back to normal.

I just want to get pretty and go out and have a few drinks but my friends have all gone, I had 9 months of severe morning sickness then 6 months with a new baby and have lost contact with nearly everyone.

I just feel lonley and sad all the time.

My husband seems to think I have depression but I don't know if it's just circumstances and anyone who had no sleep and a strange new body would feel how I feel?

Seeing people refers to our family and baby classes*

I think it would be wise to speak to your GP.I am glad your OH can see what is happening and is giving you good advice. Take care.

I think anyone who was so sleep deprived would be feeling pretty rough and finding it hard to motivate themselves to do the things that they know would help them feel better, although these are symptoms of depression too.

Why aren't you sleeping? Your baby's quite old to be allowing you so little sleep or is there another reason you don't sleep?

Currently teething, as soon as one comes there's another! It really gets to him and he wakes up crying and wanting food. Also I've been having nightmares, I don't know if is a hormone thing but I just have reoccurring nightmares someone has broken into the house!

Definitely get help. Not everyone has easy babies that let you sleep when they "are old enough." My 2 were difficult for different reasons. Ds was in A&E every month with something (found out when he was 10 that he had a genetic disease) and dd never slept well (night terrors and nightmares among other things). They are both teenagers now, but I am still traumatized by the period when they were infants. Please get some help. Speak to your HV or GP. I'm not in the UK, but I'm sure someone else can suggest support groups or hotlines too.

Your husband needs to step up and recognize that you need some support. So he needs to deal with the baby not automatically pass him to you. Same at night, if it's teething then he can go and give pain relief and put him back to sleep.

Just because he's pulling at your top doesn't mean he needs to feed. I would encourage him not to do that and not to let him feed if he does it.

I would go to the GP anyway, not necessarily for depression but falling because your legs are weak is worrying. It could be all sorts of things like anaemia, but it should be checked out.

OP, I’m so sorry that you’re feeling so down at the moment. Your life doesn’t seem to have much fun in it, or time for you to be an individual, rather than a mother on permanent duty for feeding etc.
Things will definitely improve, but you can give them a nudge in the right direction. Firstly, set aside some time each week for yourself. Hand the baby to your partner and go out somewhere- anywhere - to do things that you used to enjoy.
That might be as simple as a wander round the shops, a country walk, or to go and have coffee with a friend you haven’t seen for ages.
Once your partner is confident at managing baby alone, you can extend the time away.
Secondly, decide how much longer you want to continue breast feeding now that baby is on solids. Formula and “follow on” milks are not poison, and you will be less tied to your baby and feel more independent once weaning is complete.
Have a discussion with DH about how you split the chores and childcare- make sure he’s doing a fair share.
Try to catch up on sleep. Chronic sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and will be contributing to your exhaustion and depression.
Would your baby sleep better with a late night bottle feed and a dummy as comforter? I used that with mine, and they slept soundly from 8 weeks.
Try to get a babysitter and go out with DH for a nice date night, even just for a film or a meal. Doing this once a week or so can help you to feel human again.
Finally, if you’ve tried all the ways to improve the situation and you still feel awful, see your GP to discuss whether you have post natal depression and might benefit from medication.
Have a hug, OP, and my best wishes that you soon have a life again and feel a lot happier!