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Original poster

Can’t cope with my son

47 replies

edinburghlass1991 · 07/10/2018 11:34

Ds is aged 2 and a half. He has no word whatsoever his understanding is limited. This morning he has broken the tv and bit me dd6 and himself. He throws his food empty’s water screams for little things ( we went out the back door and not the main door today he screamed ) when I told him of about the tv he couldn’t tell I was mad like when my dd cry’s when he bites her his reaction is the same as if you were playing. I don’t know what to do dh is coming home tomorrow early his mother has had ill Heath but feeling better now. I just can’t cope anymore

OP posts:
BlueBrush · 07/10/2018 12:04

Sorry edinburghlass. I'm afraid I don't have any magic advice but just wanted to send some waves of sympathy your way. Flowers

Velvetbee · 07/10/2018 12:05

Sounds incredibly draining, you’re doing a brilliant job just by hanging in there (and not putting him on eBay)!
Have you spoken to your health visitor or GP about how difficult things are?

formerbabe · 07/10/2018 12:06

Sorry I didn't quite understand your post. Do you mean he can't say any words at all? Have you seen your health visitor/gp about that?

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Cornishclio · 07/10/2018 12:13

Have you had him assessed for SEN? Tantrums are common with 2 year olds and biting not unheard of but no words at 2.5 or understanding is worrying. I would first rule out a problem by having him assessed and adopt a zero tolerance to biting, either no tv or iPad time or get him to sit quietly on a time out. Explain time and time again - we don't bite other people. The tantrums you will need to ride out until he gets a bit older. Deal with them calmly. Hold him if he will let you. Keep your voice low and use distraction. Maybe look at his diet and make sure he is not eating too much sugar. Additives sometimes affect behaviour.

Believeitornot · 07/10/2018 12:14

He isn’t talking? At that age you need to take him to the GP and explain the behaviour. Write it down beforehand if you can’t remember everything.

I would be worried due to the lack of speaking - this could be driving his behaviour

sar302 · 07/10/2018 12:21

It is common for toddlers, older children and adults to display challenging behaviour when they are unable to communicate their needs. It is frequently born out of the frustration of not getting their needs met, because they can't express them - part of he issue with the "terrible twos".
No words by two means there is some delay in his speech. Please see a Heath visitor / GP who should hopefully refer you to a speech and language therapist.

Original poster
edinburghlass1991 · 07/10/2018 12:25

No words at all . He is seen my a pead due to concerns re speech and social communication and repetitive behaviour and he is seen by salt due to possible asd but we don’t think he has

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sar302 · 07/10/2018 12:30

He's still young for an asd diagnosis to be honest. Repetitive behaviours at that age can be born out of learning schemas - ie spinning stuff, twirling etc. all part of toddler making sense of the world and their own body and how it fits in space. And language delay can be completely separate to any other diagnosis.
Have you been able to try any basic signing / Makaton with him?

AamdC · 07/10/2018 12:51

My son was diagnosed with asd at three sar by two and a half we were well into assessments etc , have they referred him to portage op its for preschool children with suspected/disabillities

Original poster
edinburghlass1991 · 07/10/2018 13:01

We are doing singalong with him and keeping speech clear and simple but it’s not working and sometimes he’s two much in his own world to notice anything ( last time when we were at soft play a boy was hitting him and he didn’t flinch or seem to notice

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BlankTimes · 07/10/2018 13:06

we went out the back door and not the main door today he screamed

That's because it was a deviation from the usual way of doing things and threw him into a state of not knowing what was going to happen, which heightened his anxiety to the point he can't cope.

Sounds as though he needs his time to be more structured so he knows what's happening. Use some visuals and verbally explain what you're doing, now, next, then. Now, we're getting ready. Next we're going out of the x door, then we will go to the park.
At the park it's Now we'll play, next we'll walk home then we'll have a snack. You can make your own, ideas here www.twinkl.co.uk/resource/t-s-100-now-next-then-visual-aid

All of the other behaviour is him telling you in the only way he knows how that he's not coping. You need to adjust your parenting so that he can cope. "Consequences" for "bad" behaviour don't work for kids with ASD etc.

The professionals you've already seen should have explained this to you, get back in touch with them and ask for help. Read up on ASD the NAS website is a good place to start.
www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour.aspx
www.autism.org.uk/about/communication.aspx
www.autism.org.uk/about/strategies.aspx

sar302 · 07/10/2018 13:23

Exactly what @BlankTimes said.

Now and next board / book, visual calendar, signing, picture exchange communication system (PECS), anything that works to boost communication in both directions.

It must be a very difficult time for you. I'm so sorry. Hopefully with some time, and the right services in place, you and your son will be able to gain a fuller understanding of the difficulties he's currently facing.

Miggeldy · 07/10/2018 13:25

He should be talking by now.
Sorry but you need to get this checked out thoroughly.

Original poster
edinburghlass1991 · 07/10/2018 13:34

How much more can I get this checked out?? I don’t believe he has asd which is why we said no to the asd team getting involved

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Firstbornunicorn · 07/10/2018 13:40

The ASD team would assess him, though. If he doesn't have ASD, then they'll be able to point you in the right direction, at least.

Out of curiosity, what makes you think he doesn't have ASD? Is it because he makes good eye contact, etc?

pinkhorse · 07/10/2018 13:43

From what you say it sounds like ASD. Why are you against them looking into it?

Zipadeedoodah2 · 07/10/2018 13:45

Sounds so draining for you. From your description it seems like ASD is very possible to be honest. What makes you think he doesn't have ASD?

3luckystars · 07/10/2018 13:47

But you are not qualified to diagnose autism, a team of people are involved.

If you are so sure he doesn't have it, then let him get assessed to rule it out.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 07/10/2018 13:49

When I read your post, ASD was what came to mind.
My DN was diagnosed at below 3, so not impossible.
Until then, perhaps do what I did with my DS - my sister told me to bring him up as if he were autistic (he got his diagnosis later).
And it made life so much less stressful.
I can't say anything about the practicalities - I am in a different country.
But could luck to you and your family.

AornisHades · 07/10/2018 13:50

Why don't you think it is ASD? Why wouldn't you investigate that?

sar302 · 07/10/2018 13:50

As a mum you will know your son better than anyone else. However, any clinicians you will see will have specific training that you may not have (or you may - we don't know what you do for a living.)
The average age for diagnosis of autism in the uk is around 3-4 years, or even later in some cases, and this can depend on a variety of factors.
If it's not autism, a lot of the approaches that have been mentioned above will still be appropriate for any toddler with delayed speech. And if it is, then early intervention is the best way of reducing challenging behaviour, and also making sure the child is appropriately placed and supported when they reach school age.
There is no rush to diagnose, but many parents are often worried about their child being "labelled".
Do you have any specific concerns about him being assessed?

Original poster
edinburghlass1991 · 07/10/2018 13:53

Things he does which means he doesn’t have asd
He can give eye contact
He will point at things for help
He shows me things ( by throwing it at me)
He does understand some things like no and ds put that back etc

OP posts:
IntoTheDeep · 07/10/2018 13:54

The ASD team won’t diagnose him with ASD if he doesn’t have ASD. He needs to meet the diagnostic criteria to be diagnosed.

When DS1’s paediatrician first talked about DS1 being assessed for ASD, one thing she said was that even if there was no diagnosis to be made, the assessment process would still give us more information about areas where DS1 needed more support.

So the ASD team involvement may help you with understanding his difficulties and strategies to help with those, even if they end up agreeing with you that he doesn’t have ASD.

skunkatanka · 07/10/2018 13:55

OP, if you don't think it's ASD then do you have a possible diagnosis in mind yourself?

Original poster
edinburghlass1991 · 07/10/2018 13:56

I believe he would be labelled asd due to his care team treating him as he is which I don’t believe he is also the support won’t change atm all it would do is give him an label he doesn’t need or have

OP posts: