Help settle a disagreement

[Polkadot1502]

Dp and I were having an argument discussion about him being out at football 3-4 evenings a week 2 of these to watch a game so basically gone 7 hours, I said some wives/partners wouldn't be too happy about this and his response was well most blokes are down the pub drinking and smoking most nights, so are most blokes down the pub most nights? I don't think so but he seems to think they are?
Fwiw we're having problems his parents haven't been nice to me this past year and have had several too many comments which he hasn't stuck up for me and brushed under the carpet so not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not

No. Most blokes are not down the pub drinking every night. He is talking out of his arse. Maybe most of his circle of friends are, but most reasonable blokes are not, especially if they have families.

He doesn't sound like a catch. Where do you fit into all of this?

I wouldn’t be happy with football or that much time in the pub. We both work a lot and are trying to save at the moment so we have other priorities and I wouldn’t be out that much spending that sort of money so wouldn’t expect DH to either.

I don’t care what other men are up to and neither should you. If it has an adverse affect on your life together then you should be able to discuss it without him minimising your upset by saying other people are as bad or worse.

The parents thing is separate but together you’re seeing them as signs of him caring about other things more than he cares about you, and you’d be right. It’s up to him to show you he prioritises you and what other people do shouldn’t come into it.

Well my dh definitely isn't down the pub...he never goes to the pub in fact.

My DH much prefers to be at home. I did have an ex who went to the pub several evenings a week. That's why he's an ex.

No DH never does that. He had a work night out so I caught up with a friend but he’s more likely to be at home on the sofa with me.

My dh doesn't go to the pub, unless there's some special reason.

Nope talking out of his arse. My DH sees a friend in the pub maybe once a month.

The 1920s called. They want your boyfriend back.

My ex was (and probably still is) in the pub every night straight after work. My DP goes maybe once a week if that, and always calls me first to ask if I want to go with him. We have a couple of drinks and go home.

It is once in a blue moon that either of us goes to the pub in this house. Quite apart from anything else, it would be a very expensive way of living.

No my dh doesn't go to the pub every night, or hardly ever in fact. I wouldn't be happy with that much out time, do you get the same amount of hobby time?

None of the husbands and fathers I know are down the pub most nights or at the football 3-4 nights a week

I hate this! My ex husband used to always say “most men are at the pub every night” when I moaned about him working every evening (own business so didn’t have to)
My response was “ i didn’t marry them” who cares what most men do. I’m only interested in what the man does

My DH goes out one night a week 7-11. My Dad goes out about 3 nights a week 9--11.30. He is being selfish.

My DH goes out to football once a week, after the toddler is in bed and leaving me and DSS(8) to have the only quality time we get alone together. I go out probably once a month but will be for an entire afternoon and possibly evening. So balances out.

Your DH is lying, it's not normal. What is normal is to have equal free time.

Thankyou for your replies, Sorry I should have been a bit clearer he plays football about 3-4 times a week which his gone for a few hours but will come home from work eat then out to football when he comes home, our lo and me are usually in bed, when he watches a game it's usually 7 hours! This week his played 3 times and gone to watch 2 times, I don't mind him going at all, just wish he would appreciate me abit more, and make me feel like I matter instead of telling me I'm being unreasonable by being a bit fed up of him not putting me first ( perfect example was 3 days post c section he went to football, another was when I had mastitis when lo was weeks old felt horrendous like I had flu and he went to football ) and maybe instead of allowing his parents to treat me like shit actually say to them that his not having his partner treated like that!!

For those who say about my hobby time, I don't really have a hobby, we took a long time to conceive lo and she's my pfb she's 1 and I haven't been without her yet I just want to feel loved and appreciated xx

He's a selfish twat.

Not in our house. Dh goes out a couple of nights a week - once to the pub and once to the gym or something and I go to the gym twice too so it feels very fair. The other nights we stay in together.

I have one friend who's dh is at the pub most nights while she does all childcare/housework etc. She is very efficiently getting everything in order ready for her to leave him. I'll be very surprised if they're still together at Christmas.

If you're not ready to leave your DD alone yet, then there's no reason you're free time can't be having your DH do dinner for DD and her bath, whilst you read a book in bed. We all need a break, and your DH is having his and yours and leaving you with nothing.

Nothing like that here
No point being married if you never see each other.

If DH is in the pub then I’m generally with him! Unless it’s a lunchtime drink with work.

He doesn’t often go out without me these days...

I think the men down the pub every night is very outdated. Not only becuase these days it would be so expensive but times have changed and many men now work late or take more interest in the family.

DH goes out with either work or other friends 2x per month and I do the same with my friends