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8 replies

Stripes66 · 07/10/2018 07:49

I’m writing because I suppose it’s the best way for me to say what I feel without anyone that I have to see everyday asking me how things are.
My life looks lovely. If I stand on the outside of it and look at it, it does. I have a good job, my partner does too, we have two beautiful children, a nice house, even our dog is perfect. But I’m crumbling. I’m so unhappy and I fear saying this because anyone who doesn’t live here will think I’m ungrateful.
I work full time and so does he which sends us out of kilter when I’m comes to juggling everyday life.
I live in an unhappy house, but if you didn’t live with me you’d see something else. My partner is constantly angry and shouts a lot and I dread being in my home. Every small thing that normal people may find like a small drama, to him is huge. I dread my children spilling a drink, talking too loudly, if I need him to get something extra on his trip to the supermarket, there not being a towel in the cupboard because they’re still in the laundry room, if anything in our house stops working or if I make an every day mistake. It’s made me turn into an anxious person who feels her chest tightening at the smallest thing. He and I have certainly had our ups and downs and I have lost a lot of respect for him. A couple of years ago, whilst away with work, he paid a prostitute for oral sex. This might shock you, but honestly, I’m over it, it’s minor compared to the day to day walking on egg shells that I am going though. I don’t need suggestions, i just need to vent without fear of offloading onto people I know. I take antidepressants to try to cope with my feelings and numb it all away. I’m just so sad. I keep wondering whether this is just normal? Growing up, I didn’t witness a stable relationship or a genuinely happy home so I just wonder whether I’m expecting too much and if this is just the way things are?

OP posts:
Hassled · 07/10/2018 07:52

No it's not normal at all. You're not expecting too much. It sounds like an awful way to have to live your life - and awful for your children, too.

So why are you still with him? This really doesn't have to be your future.

lulabaloo · 07/10/2018 07:56

This isn't normal, you shouldn't feel worried about making a mistake or the kids spilling a drink. Me and my husband sometimes bicker or snap at each other when we have been to work as my hours are long and the strain of every day working life with 3 children. Feel free to vent but if your not happy is the nice house worth living like this.

Stripes66 · 07/10/2018 08:04

I’m from a broken home and really want my children to have a together home. I worry that it’ll destroy them and I just really struggle to gauge whether I’m just expecting too much. I’m certainly not the best partner that I can be- 1. Because I’m totally shattered and overwhelmed with spinning every plate that I have to spin and 2. Because I just don’t really respect him because every time I let my guard down with him, it’s straight back up again because of his ways. We don’t really have a sex life which is my choice because of number 2 ^ I feel so resentful.

OP posts:
MsMaestro · 07/10/2018 08:07

Your home life sounds stressful and depressing OP - taking antidepressants to cope with an a-hole of a husband is not normal.

hidinginthenightgarden · 07/10/2018 08:10

Your children will suffer so much more in a home with an abusive parent than in a single parent home. You say you walk on eggshells. They will too. They will become so anxious and withdrawn. Imagine being too scared to have fun in your own home?! Please help your children and leave!

lulabaloo · 07/10/2018 08:12

My mum and dad split up when i was a teenager, i was glad as all they did was argue and seemed so unhappy together. My dad now says he only stayed for so long to be with us. Children pick up a lot more than we realise. Shouldn't stay with someone for the children.

Crunchymum · 07/10/2018 08:14

Broken home is always, always, always better than children being around what you describe OP

If they aren't already, soon your kids will also be walking on eggshells / anxious and scared in their own home.

Don't let them suffer in the way you do.

Making the actual break will be hard but I almost guarantee the first night you spend without this man, you will start to feel lighter and breath easier.

You know what you need to do.

Acitywallandatrampoline · 07/10/2018 08:24

I am from a home like that, where my Mum stayed - and still is. I wish she had left, I had a lot of resentment for a long time. You need to leave. A broken home is a million times better than your current situation. Don't show your children that this is the way a woman should be treated.

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