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Original poster

Why are my kids such assholes?

25 replies

Jagappa · 06/10/2018 23:59

I never ever go out. I cannot remember the last time i went out without my kids. I had a few frifnds over tonight for some drinks. My kids argued with each other. Thrn the eldest went out and left the visiting age mate with the youngsters. WHY cant they just let me have 1 evening???

OP posts:
Original poster
Jagappa · 07/10/2018 00:15

Why dont people invite thrm over instead of sending their kids to me? I am ure they are LOVING a nice couples evening. Do people think single parents dont need a social life?

OP posts:
IStandWithPosie · 07/10/2018 00:18

Youve probably not clamped down on the crappy behaviour early or consistently enough for it to be stamped out. What ages are they? What behaviours are you modelling?

Original poster
Jagappa · 07/10/2018 00:20

Tjry arent usually arsehole though. They are great kids. They just dont let me have qny space or recognise my need to a social life

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Original poster
Jagappa · 07/10/2018 00:21

I will have to send them to family. It just pisses me off

OP posts:
IStandWithPosie · 07/10/2018 00:21

Cool. Sorted then.

MarthasGinYard · 07/10/2018 00:35

How old are dc?

EwItsAHooman · 07/10/2018 00:43

Youve probably not clamped down on the crappy behaviour early or consistently enough for it to be stamped out.

FFS, talk about kicking the OP when she's down! Nothing in her post suggests bad parenting or that she's been wishy washy in how she's raised them. Projecting, much?

OP, kids are sometimes arseholes. It goes with the territory. Parenting is basically teaching them to contain their arseholery enough to function as members of society, more or less. Right now your DC are works in progress.

Do they have their good days?

IStandWithPosie · 07/10/2018 00:47

She asked why her kids are “such arseholes”. (She asked) Maybe there’s something in what she’s doing (maybe name calling Hmm) that needs changed.

EwItsAHooman · 07/10/2018 00:58

Calling them arseholes here does not mean she's calling them names to their faces in RL, it's just venting. I sometimes text DH at work to say that is being a bit of a shit head, doesn't mean I'd ever call him/her a shit head to their face or in their hearing.

Original poster
Jagappa · 07/10/2018 00:58

Youngest has MH issues. Ahe was having a melt down. Eldest is a teenager, in horminal mode. I was having a rare social evening. Got a bit drunk. Got disrupted by younfest freak out and eldest indifference. Needed to vent. But its cool. Everyone gone home. Youngest cried herself out/asleep. Just feel sad i cant have a social life. But ill survive

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IStandWithPosie · 07/10/2018 00:59

Nor does the fact you don’t mean OP doesnt. Plenty of people call their children names. Being a MNer doesn’t preclude you from that.

IStandWithPosie · 07/10/2018 01:02

So not assholes at all then OP!! One having a mental health related meltdown. And the other being indifferent!

EwItsAHooman · 07/10/2018 01:02

It sounds like a rough night Jagappa, my eldest has ASD so I know how it is when the meltdowns start Flowers

Is there anyone local you could do some reciprocal babysitting with? My best friend is a single parent, I babysit for her now and again so she can go out then she does the same so DH and I can go out. She's one of the few people DS will settle with because she took the time to learn his quirks before she looked after him for the first time.

abbsisspartacus · 07/10/2018 01:03

I can't sleep at the moment my 5 year old refuses to sleep my 9 year old is asleep unfortunately in my bed, with his cat, apparently I'm not nice as I won't get ds his third large drink since 7 as he will drink the lot then wee a lot gosh I'm tired and on my own social life? My arse Sad

NoTeaNoShadeNoPinkLemonade · 07/10/2018 01:05

they sound like complete arseholes...just like mine...I very rarely get out and when I do my eldest harrases my phone with calls texts and FaceTime...feels like there's no point going out really because most of the night is spent either placating said child or hearing about the minor meltdown from everyone else.

Original poster
Jagappa · 07/10/2018 01:06

💜 ewlts thanks for the flowers and the friendly words. Its all i wanted really. I cant leave her with anyone. It is stress/anxiety related to trauma. Its ok. We will be ok. I just hit a bit of a wall for a minute there. But she is asleep now. It will be ok

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EwItsAHooman · 07/10/2018 01:07

Tomorrow is a new day

Original poster
Jagappa · 07/10/2018 01:08

💜🍵🍺🍰 abbs and tea its just a bit overwhelming sometimes, huh

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IStandWithPosie · 07/10/2018 01:09

they sound like complete arseholes.

They really don’t Confused

OP I have one with SEN too. Regular meltdowns. We (me and older bro) walk on eggshells most of the time. But the meltdowns still happen. Brother gets frustrated with having to tailor everything to younger DS and no, I don’t ever get out. But you can’t blame the kids for it.

Original poster
Jagappa · 07/10/2018 01:10

Indeed ewlts 🐒

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SofiaAmes · 07/10/2018 01:27

TEENAGERS!!!!!! I wish Mumsnet had all the good icons that my mobile has. I would definitely include a few choice ones. I would send an icon for Sake (my alcohol of choice) and Dark Chocolate (my food of choice) and Hallmark Movies (my brain numbing activity of choice) all of which come in handy when my Pain in the A* teenagers are telling me how much better their friends' parents are than me. Or how dumb and old and out of it I am. Or how boring my life is (gee do ya think it might be because I have to look after my f*ing teenagers (who are so much more work than toddlers).

Oddcat · 07/10/2018 01:28

I get it Op , my DD was an arsehole too . If I ever did go out she phoned me constantly with 'emergencies' , if I ever had someone round for drinks she refused to go to bed / had meltdowns etc .

Vent away , being a parent , especially a single parent is shot sometimes. Flowers

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 07/10/2018 09:05

Coping with children with additional needs is very exhausting. Mental health issues are an absolute torment for all concerned (I know from experience). But I’ve not had to do that as a single parent. All credit to you for usually coping.

One thing though - it may be that your youngest’s melt down was caused or worsened by seeing you a bit drunk. I’ve never been a big drinker but since my oldest DD got sick I knew that me being even slightly tipsy around her was totally unworkable. She needed to feel absolutely safe in my care and I couldn’t respond to her quite complex needs if I was even slightly impaired. This is absolutely not about judging you. But it might have been the alcohol rather than the socialising itself that was the thing that brought the evening down.

I hope that there are better days ahead for you. You deserve a break.

Original poster
Jagappa · 07/10/2018 10:28

Thank you everyone.i think you are right about the alcohol lady...i drink approx twice a year. Plus, it got late, so she was tired. Its just hard work and i feel a bit robbed sometimes. I do totally know it is not their fault posie, just wanted a vent

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Original poster
Jagappa · 07/10/2018 10:29

If i am poorly, she gets difficult too. I think you are right that she needs me to be very present and consistent all the time

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