How to deal with bossy friends

[Magnificentbeast]

I’m looking for advice on how to deal with bossy friends. I seem to attract them! My tactics until now have been to laugh it off. Ignore. Brush it off. Appease. However, I’m now in my 40s and I think I’ve had enough! I just don’t know how to respond without it being awkward or falling out with them. I’m not a confident person so this may be what they pick up on.

A recent example happened when I arrived with my dc to an activity organised by my friend. Friend tells me to register my car parking so I don’t get charged. She directs me over to the desk area. I head over to queue up. She tells me to come over to a touchscreen. I proceed to type in my reg.
Friend: do you know your reg?
Me: Yes [start typing but the screen doesn’t respond correctly]
Friend: [to DC] is mummy doing it wrong? [‘light-hearted’]
Me: the screen isn’t sensitive.
Friend: it was fine for me
Me: Ok. Well not for me. [feeling irritated by the interference and the unresponsive keyboard]
Friend: three H’s???
Me: No [deleting]

It wasn’t a complicated task so why not let me just get on with it for crying out loud?!

I was slightly irritated by this point but gave her the benefit of the doubt as she was the organiser and just in organising mode. However, I had just arrived. Give me a chance love! I realise this incident alone is nothing really to get het up about but it’s just an example.

Another quite good friend is always ‘offering solutions’ even when they’re not really being sought. I could just be talking generally about something coming up and she always insert some sort of “Well, why don’t you just.” Or “You know you can just blah blah blah”. She is a very practical person and does often come up with good stuff.

However, these type of interactions have me feeling as if I’m being managed and can’t possibly have a thought/ brain of my own. Sometimes I just want to have a relaxed conversation without receiving advice or direction and feeling as if I’m not seen as an equal grown up.

Do I say something to shut the comment down or simply smile and not react?

The first one is just a twat, almost like she’s TRYING to get throat punched , or at the very least snapped at. Maybe just massively socially unaware?

The second one maybe thinks that’s what you want, like you’re coming to her for solutions. I’d just say something light hearted like “I know, but sometimes I just like venting , you know?” To shut her up.

Sounds like you're a moaned and she's trying to offer solutions.

*moaner

I'm not a moaner. Thank you though @faeriequeen.

The first example, that’s a bit annoying but I don’t really get bossy from it. The second example isn’t specific enough to really judge but it sounds like you’re perhaps moaning about something, your friend is offering solutions and her ideas are sometimes actually quite helpful... so I don’t really see the issue to be honest. If you want a relaxed conversation can’t you just steer it towards subjects where advice wouldn’t be warranted?

Boss them back.

I think bossy types are attracted to quieter people as they wouldn't get on with each other. I have 2 friends who are bossy types and l get on fine with both as l let it run off me but they really clash with one another Eg we were all away for a weekend together and Bossy A gets up Sat morning and starts laying out a whole itinerary for the day. Most of us just ignore her. Bossy B says loudly..l think we can all decide ourselves what we want to do. Silence from A and not another word.
So its a matter of letting it roll off you or saying...l am a 40 year old college graduate..in a sarcastic tone...l think l can work a machine..and smile widely.
I am a bit like you and l know l attract bossy types as l let them away with it. However bit by bit as l get older l am finding a response.
I would rather be friends with you so decide that being bossy is actually a big drawback as a friend so she is the pain ..not you.

Bossy people are normally attracted to quieter people so they can boss them about. If not, they run the risk of being told to fuck off.