Polyamory

[Stilllifenovice]

I think this sounds great. What's others thoughts and feelings?

I was wondering if anyone does/has tried this? What's your experiences?

Bit of background it's not me that wants to date anyone else but I like the idea of my partner being able to still enjoy the things I just can't be arsed with now I'm a mum. I'm not remotely jealous not have I ever been think I'm broken. I like the idea of being able to develop a friendship rather as just saying to him go shag about love.

This is entirely serious I'm a regular poster and have name changed as my other posts could be pretty outing.

Seems to work for one part of my family. It's something I've considered in the past, but my circumstances then changed.

I haven’t seen a woman do it with several men. It always seems to be a bloke with several women.
I personally am not sure how many people actually have the time.

I'm not poly but I have poly friends. What for describe sounds more like an open relationship than poly

Is your partner putting pressure on you to do things you don't want to?

I have some poly friends who have always been poly from the start of their relationships and it works fine.

I have several other friends who thought they could convert their previously exclusive marriages into becoming poly arrangements - none of these attempts have worked. If the relationship is dead it's dead. What do you actually want? You want him to have an affair, find someone he loves more than you and leave you, and it not to be your fault? And he's too nice to do this?

I did it for a while, it was an adventure but ultimately not for me.

this site covers a lot of the issues and possible pitfalls but my experience was that women struggled with it far more than men who could more easily be emotionally detached.

That’s not across the board, btw.

Oh god no I love him to bits but I'm just not as invested as I once was and he is sad and desperate to reconnect but I just can't at the level he wants.

No he isn't it's me that thinks it's a good idea so that he can get some attention physically and emotionally.

I'm not interested in seeing anyone else I just want some time for me when I'm not dealing with the kids as the teeny bit of time I do have is taken up by him and I'm resentful and tired.

Exploring this too at the moment. Did you talk about it with DH OP?

Seems like a woman can end up in really shitty situation

I think you need to be very clear on the boundaries. Do you want to meet the other people before anything happens, or never hear anything about them? Where can things happen? How often? What if emotional attachment builds? Should it only be one-offs, or one or two selected repeat partners?

How often will you both review how things are going? However you think you'll feel is unlikely to be how you will actually feel as things go along, and that’s also likely to change over time, and you cannot expect an initial agreement to stay unchanged. You also need to be clear on what your absolute lines which must not be crossed are.

I think it can work with couples which are both committed to making it work and discussing it, but it is hard work, and a lot of couples aren't prepared to put that work in. If one partner just sees it as an opportunity to shag around regardless of how it affects the other people involved, it will just lead to relationship breakdown.

My (female) cousin is married to a man and has a female partner who seems to basically live with them now. They seem very happy. She was never particularly conventional and he's a very liberal guy.

It does always seem like a minefield to me, and I wouldn't be interested, but they've found a way.

I will say to the OP, that as a guy if my girlfriend suggested this to me, I don't think it would fix the issue. It's her I want to be close to, exclusively. But your husband isn't me and maybe it can work for him.

That's "open relationship" territory. Polyamory is more usually used when you have a multiway relationship as a group of three or more.

Both are fine if everyone's up for it. It's often led by one person and one or more of the other participants aren't really that happy...