A colleague's close relative recently died.
I am secretly in love with this colleague (known him nearly three years).
Changes at work mean that we won't be working with eachother very much anymore. We worked together one day last week when he was back from compassionate leave, just shutting down what we'd been working on before, along with others. He still (understandably) didn't seem his normal self.
Anyway, yesterday, more than a week since I saw him I sent him a text, just asking how he was. 27 hours later he still hasn't replied.
I know that it's completely unreasonable to expect him to reply. He's still grieving so might not feel like responding to texts. He's
busy dealing with all the admin that comes with death. One of his family members is particularly going to need support. He probably just doesn't have the time or energy to reply.
I kind of sent the text not needing or expecting a reply, I just wanted him to know that if he wants someone to talk to then I'm here, and that I care.
But now he hasn't replied I'm worried, did I overstep the mark? Am I not as close to him as I thought I was, so I'm just some random intruding on his grief?
Should I have waited till I heard from him first to keep a respectful distance? But then, other people I know who have been bereaved have said they found it hard that they always had to be the ones to make contact because everyone was tiptoeing around them, giving them space and it just made them lonely. So that's why I decided to text him. But not everyone's the same. What if he wanted the space?
Maybe I shouldn't have just asked how he was? Maybe he's sick of people being concerned about him. Maybe he doesn't want to tell me how he is. Maybe he doesn't know wether to give the real answer or the polite answer.
And the worst thing about me now is that here I am making his grief all about me just because he didn't respond to a stupid text message.
I am a horrible, horrible person.