DD pulled by teacher in PE

[Schoolshite]

Hi, not sure how to feel about what happened to my DD at school today.
She was having her first lesson of contact rugby this morning and the teacher asked them to practise falling on the ground by landing on their knee, elbow and then shoulder.
The ground was wet and slightly muddy and my DD refused to fall. The school have a strict behaviour policy which should have meant an after school detention for not following instructions.
The teacher however, told another child to pull her ankles while he pulled on her rugby top saying “c’mon, get her down” to the tackler until my DD fell onto her hands and knees. She then cried (which she’s never done at school before - she’s in year 8).
The teacher then said to her “it’s ok, I was just trying to catch you”.
At the end of the lesson he then said the class could not leave until DD had fallen properly. She half heartedly fell and he then said as it wasn’t good enough she had to do it again.
Do I...
A) tell her she should have done as she was told in the first place (although her friend was wet through to her pants).
B) email school for their side of the story.
C) never make her do rugby at school again.
Just need to add that my DD is extremely well behaved and has never refused to do what a teacher has asked in her life.

Rugby gets played in the mud. If she was refusing to fall and do the activity because of mud then I'd be having that chat at home. Having students do PE type drills in a PE lesson is normal and I know from speaking to PE staff they get a handful of students (usually girls) making a huge drama out of being outside, fussing over mud, only half attempting warm ups and activities, then complaining about being cold etc. I'd want to establish with DC that if your DC has been involved in that sort of thing that you back the school.

In terms of what contact the teacher had, I would contact the school for a chat and hear what the teacher has to say first.

Well done to your dd she has show strength of character.
Ridiculous the school insisting she does this.
I would tell my child in this circumstance, and only this circumstance (where he was being forced into physically doing an action that he doesn’t want to) to walk away and I will deal with the consequences.
Anything else (like refusing to do algebra) id back the teacher completely and ds would be getting a bollocking from me.
But how on earth forcing a child to fall on the floor in mud is acceptable/conducive to them learning about fitness and a healthy lifestyle is nonsensical.
I’d be proud that your daughter who is generally a good child by the sounds of things held herself and her principles over something degrading that she didn’t want to do.
There are so many more pleasant ways for kids to learn about fitness/competing etc. Why they have to be forced into contact sports and falling in mud I do not understand.

is rugby a choice activity then?
If so, it doesn't sound like its your daughters sort of game and she should do a different sport.

It was part of her PE lesson. She did not choose to do it.

Well done to your dd she has show strength of character.
For being defiant? For only choosing to participate in the elements of school you and her deem important?
Nice way to encourage students that rules don't apply to them if they don't fancy them.

I see.

I'm actually really uncomfortable with compulsory contact sports - so I come from it from a negative angle.

I think falling in the mud and getting wet is fine and she probably should have just done it as a bit of mud and wet wont harm anyone

I'm just really uncomfortable with having to play a sport where people tackle you .. so I can see why you are upset.

He needs to keep his hands to himself pulling on her top exposes him to all sorts of accusations twonk

Yes your dd should have done the drill but really doing this type of activity in the mud where you get soaked to your pants is ill advised anyway

@maisypops I don’t feel that falling in mud is an important life lesson.
I don’t agree that children should be forced into contact sports at all actually, if they don’t want to why should they.
I don’t think opting out of pe should ever be an option but contact sports with higher potential for injury should not be inflicted on a child, if my ds wanted to participate I’d support him. If he didn’t I’d support him.
But as you can get through life and be perfectly successful without falling in mud or playing contact sports, why on earth would I insist on it.
Ds has his own mind, and for a physical action that he felt uncomfortable with, I would never ever force him.

I agree that she should do as she’s told in all her lessons, I just think that the teacher should have stuck to the behaviour policy and given her detention rather than forcing her to do something she really wasn’t comfortable with and humiliating her in front of everyone. I would feel the same if it was a child refusing to read out loud in English or refusing to sing a solo in music.

I am a teacher myself, although in primary, I know my children well enough to know when they need extra encouragement to do something and when to back off.

I hated PE and this would have been my worst nightmare. I'd email the teacher, find out what happened and then excuse my daughter from rugby. I don't see how it benefits anyone!

This sounds really upsetting and humiliating for your daughter. I would back her 100% and find out from the school their perspective and come to some sort of agreement where she is not forced to do things physically she feels uncomfortable doing. Some kids love to throw themselves around and others don’t. They shouldn’t be forced to do anything. Yes lessons are important and kids need to learn to follow instruction, but this should be based on mutual respect and boundaries.

Id be emailing the head and wanting to kniw what the fuck he was playing at. That is fucking assault

Why should your DD be happy falling into a pile of cold wet mud just because her PE teacher said so?

occasionalalice
Then you would call the school and have them allocated to a different sport for that half term rather than promote flat refusing in lessons.
I don't like contact sport but there are ways to deal with it other than praising a child for flat refusing to participate in a lesson.
It was an exercise outlining how to land and fall during a sport. Do the drill, talk to the member of staff about issues with contact sport after.

Schoolshite
I think that's why you need to speak to the school to find out what's happened. The teacher has been a right idiot if everything went down as you've outlined (and left themselves wide open to safeguarding allegations. It's one reason why I'd be surprised if it played out exactly as you've said becausr it seems a certain level of sheer stupidity).
They should have accepted the refusal and followed the behaviour policy.
They may have a different version though.

I always refused to play hockey.
My friend got hit in the face and badly scarred - by the teacher.
No ta!

I appreciate that this is only my DD’s version of events. The man who was teaching them wasn’t a teacher from the school, he came from the local rugby club. I’m not sure if he’s a qualified teacher or not. He may not have known what the behaviour policy was (although DD’s regular teacher was there too and she would have known). It’s the jeery, verging on bullying nature of how it happened that I don’t like, and of course that he physically pulled her down. I wonder if he realised what he’d done when he said that he was trying to catch her.

I wouldn’t be happy with this, I hate the idea of children being forced to do anything though... :/ I don’t even like the fact they have to go to school though so that’s different issue haha x

@maisypops no no no. I would not have to call the school. Children can have autonomy over things they physically do with their bodies and whether they resist humiliating treatment.
I would give ds the chance to explain why he didn’t want to participate. And if that’s I don’t wanna to roll in mud, I don’t think there’s anything drama llama about this.

Then if this bully of a teacher continued to ignore and forcibly insist he do it, then yes I would tell him to continue to flat out refuse.
Then I would deal with any consequences, whether that’s removing him from contact sports.

Funnily enough respect is a two way street and teachers who force kids into humiliating activities, aren’t in it to bring out the best in them and haven’t earned the respect back.

I remember at school the whole class of girls protesting against playing rugby. There was one bitch of a teacher who insisted, but an older male teacher, quite a gentle soul allowed us to do some rugby training techniques and a form of non contact rugby game. Everyone enjoyed it and no one protested/or got upset.
If this teacher/coach wanted to, I’m sure the exercise could have been adapted. But it sounds like he was more of a dictator who wanted things done his way, to hell with the child’s wellbeing.

He will probably be an outside coach then who is qualified in sport coaching but probably won't hold QTS (qualified teacher status).

What confuses me (not disputing you OP, just thinking out loud) is:

1. That a teacher would be there, see that and not step in on a looking after a pupil basis
2. That if a student was refusing to follow instructions from a visiting coach, the teacher would sit back and watch a child refuse to follow instructions and do nothing in line with the behaviour policy
3. Why a coach with DBS check and professional reputation would physically manhandle a student to the floor with countless witnesses and a member of school staff present

It doesn't make sense to me. It might have played out exactly like you say but something doesn't seem right. Don't get me wrong some people are unprofessional but that series of events in that context seems like an invitation for a safeguarding allegations (so even if you were a bit of a knob in how you deal with kids, a bit of self preservation would have been enough to think 'this would be stupid' surely).

Hmm, while the contact isn’t ideal there are a lot of elements at work here. Your DD was refusing to participate in the lesson activity. The school had gone out of their way to provide an outside professional coach (who is probably even more no nonsense than the teachers) to give coaching to encourage girls into a traditionally male sport. She didn’t have to love it, she just had to give it a go. Her pride is probably a bit hurt and she won’t ever love rugby but I don’t think this is a ‘storming up to the school’ matter.

For context, I am feeling pretty badly disposed to all parents today after a parent emailed my HoD with the claim I teach substandard and unsatisfactory lessons. She has never been in one of my lessons. She’s just decided I’m a shit teacher five weeks in to term and wants to get me sacked. FML. There is too much of this going on at the moment.

I’m not normally a “march up to school” type of Mum, but I think for this I would send in a fairly short breezy email along the lines of ‘DD was a bit upset by an incident in PE today involving the external teacher - wonder if we could have a quick chat about it please?’ It’s the pulling her down/making someone else grab her ankles bit that is the problem for me. It could be that he just needs reminding he’s not at his rugby club during these sessions. I’d be looking for the school to acknowledge it wasn’t an ideal outcome to the situation and to have a chat with him (and the normal PE teacher) about the behaviour policy and when to implement it.

I don't really understand why you would have been happy for a child who refused to fall in the mud (and get soaked through) to have a detention. I think it is a perfectly reasonable refusal, personally. I would have refused.

I was never a fan of school PE lessons. I don't have the best balance and have always had a huge fear of falling. No way could I have just flung myself on the ground.

Contact sport such as this should not be taught during compulsory school PE lessons. If it is to be taught then children who have reservations about it and don't like it should be respected.

Piffpaffpoff
Spot on.
Contact the school. See what their take it. Have a chat and take it from there.

As an aside what happens if a girl has her period and gets her pants soaked in pe? If she only wears pads she is screwed

Hi OP my DH is a former rugby coach who used to go in to schools to deliver Rugby PE lessons.
He has told me it’s totally unacceptable for a coach to pull a child down on the ground in that way, he’s also told me if he had any defiant children they’d be made to do laps until they decided they wanted to participate or would be sent inside to their teacher if they were particularly obnoxious about it.
I’d definitely clarify with the school about what happened and take it from there.