Help. 1 DC needs to eat less, the other needs to eat more...how to manage it?

[SnowOnTheSeine]

My 7 year old is at the very top end of healthy BMI. Has a huge appetite and is always asking for more food (cheese, bread, yogurt, fruit - he isn't into sweets and chocolate though will eat them if there's nothing else).

My 4 year old has a reasonable appetite, and is at the lower end of healthy BMI. Often asks for more food too (and has more of a sweet tooth).

My problem is that they have started eating school dinners (lunch box not allowed). The 7 year old eats some of it. The 4 year old eats nothing.

This means my 4 year old is going from 8am until 4.30pm with no food.

Consequently, I'm trying to encourage him to eat a bigger breakfast and I'll happily give him more yogurt/cheese etc. after his dinner. However, the 7 year old also wants more food.

How should I manage this? We've really gone into the health side of food and exercise (both DH and I are very sporty and healthy BMIs) rather than emphasising weight, but it is so hard giving one more food and not the other.

One option would be to reduce portion sizes of the eldest so he can have more food but I'm really reluctant to do that as his meals are really good, healthy, balanced food and I don't want to fill him up on cheese, bread and yogurt....

Bump

Why on Earth are lunch boxes not allowed! How ridiculous ! Also how any why is a 4 year old being allowed to not eat all day in a school?? I’d allow both food tbh because they’re both not getting enough food in the day

Its his school (we're in France). It's school dinners or going home for lunch (which they did until this year).

I've asked if sandwiches are allowed and got a resounding "No". Both cry in the canteen. The school'have at least stopped telling them they have to eat (which was making them very anxious and upset).

My 4 year old has gone to bed in tears again because of canteen tomorrow

That's terrible! I'm in France too, with similar, albeit older, boys. One looooves the school canteen, one hates it, but nobody has ever pressured them into eating more or less!
Ds1 is really, really skinny, and DS2 is almost as heavy as his brother despite a 3 year age gap...I also don't know what to do except keep them both active and guide towards healthy choices.
If anyone has any thoughts, I will happily take advice!

Yes, agreed we try to keep them both active and encourage healthy choices.

And going against how I was brought up, we try not to use food as a reward.

I still don't know how to get more food into one and not the other...

I don't have an answer but feel your pain OP.
I have my younger DC who is also at the top of his BMI chart and not fitting in to age appropriate school uniform, constantly asking for food (ie yesterday he ate cherry pie and custard for pudding and about 10 mins later was asking for a biscuit) and the older DC who is right at the bottom of the BMI chart and fits into clothes at least 1 age range smaller turning his nose up and food and not wanting it.
It feels like a constant daily battle to manage it and not give either of them food/body image issues.

I have similar with my two, I use full fat milk for the youngest but semi skimmed for the eldest. Also I’ll add extra cheese to a sandwich for the youngest, but put a fair bit less in for the other one...with most meals I’ll make the portions slightly different. They’ve never noticed though.

Although it’s important to remember they are both growing and if they are hungry, they are hungry. There are always going to be some children at the top of the healthy range.

That's true about some children always being at the top of the healthy range. I'm just conscious about not letting DS1 tip into overweight (lots of overweight family members on my side).

It's not helped by 2 things: 1 he is very muscular and strong (especially his thighs!) and 2, most of his friends are really skinny (wrists as thin as my 4 year old who is at the lower end of a healthy BMI....)

I'm also trying to avoid giving body issues as PP says. We are very active as a family and talk about building muscles and strong bodies rather than managing weight.