How to get through Christmas when someone might die/is dying

[gunge]

I have two young kids. A close relative has a terminal illness and we have no idea how long left.
I can't envisage how to do Christmas. If I was on my own I wouldn't bother but I have to do something for the kids.
I normally love Christmas and go all out.
Can anyone give me advice?
I know Christmas is trivial in the scheme of things but for some reason it's getting me in a panic already.

My father died a couple of weeks before Christmas 8 years ago. We knew from the October that he was likely to die either just before or just after Christmas.

Christmas was quite surreal, but I'm glad that I had the children as they gave us a focus to carry on and something else to think about.

My advice would be to plan and carry on as normal, but to maybe scale back on the social events. I'm sorry that you're going through a difficult time.

My grandad died three days before Xmas unexpectedly like PP said Xmas was a surreal event, but it made it all that little bit easier as family was together. We just scaled back massively and didn’t go to extended family until a few days after when the “buzz” of Christmas had died down a little.

So sorry you are going through this, it’s extremely difficult time but somehow you will make Christmas as special as you can for your little ones

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP.

My Mum died last year and Christmas felt very much like going through the motions. I did my best for the bairns, but it was hollow for me.

Do what you can, and that’s enough.

Thank you
I think you're right, just do what I can. But I'll scale back on unnecessary stuff. Social events, cards etc.

Absolutely, take as much pressure off yourself as you possibly can.

I'll do some early shopping for the kids next week. That will make me feel better. As long as they're sorted.

So sorry that you are going through. We have experienced it to. My Dad died shortly after but we didn’t know when, of course, it would happen. It was very difficult but I’m glad I’m glad of some of the memories. Just do what feels right for you. Ask each member of the family. The Winstons Wish website had some great pointers and we found it very helpful. Above all be gentle with yourself and take care.

We had Christmas day together as a family but didn't do presents or decorations. We also had a lovely meal but not a traditional Christmas dinner, I think we had just pork chops or chicken and parma ham or something like that.
Can't remember really but I remember it made the day easier as we weren't trying to 'do' Christmas but also not trying to 'not do' Christmas if that makes any sense.

My mum had lung cancer that went to her brain. It became quite obvious that she wasn’t going to make it to Christmas Day, so we brought it forward to the 16th for her. (Not sure she knew the date by that stage, but she wanted everyone around and everyone knew the deal...) I’m so glad we did because she died on the 22nd. We had a rather surreal, but not unpleasant family Christmas together on the 25th - although we were totally exhausted... but it was lovely that it was all over and we just had our family unit together that day for our first day back to “normal” after Mum died. It felt like a good day to move into that moment.

We’ve lived the last year with this- the man in question was given about 6 weeks; he made 9 months (died last week). and summer his first grandchild. You just have to carry on regardless.

25 years ago DDad died in the middle of December. I honestly don’t remember a thing about that Christmas (was in my 20s).

Sorry, adults didn't do presents, children did.

Yes I was thinking about leaving adult presents. We don't buy many adult ones anyway tbh.
Nice presents for the kids, a tree and some nice food (even if it's ready made stuff). Snuggles in front of films.
Perhaps I can cope with that.

My MIL died on 27th December a few years ago. We did everything exactly the same, DH's sister spent Xmas day with us, we literally carried on as normal, they were called out xmas day to the hospice as the nurse though that was it but ither than that it was all the same.

We were all very sad but us not carrying on as normal was not going to change anything but I totally appreciate not everyone was the same. I think it was maybe different as 5 weeks before we had been told it would be any day now so it was very expected by that point.

My dad died Dec 21
Just over 20; years ago
I pleaded with mum to hold the funeral on Dec 24 but she wouldn’t had to give everyone time to get there
So we struggled through Christmas and the funeral was Dec 30
One of the worst Christmases ever
Dad had been in a vegetative coma for 8 weeks previously..when he really died
Horrible time
I feel for you, I do
My mum never missed a days visit

I think I will give you my practical tips because none of us know how we will feel when an expected death occurs, for some its part relief, but I will say that we found Cruse Bereavement Care really helpful both practically and emotionally.

We lost FIL during Christmas 2012. He was in intensive care, non treatable cancer so we knew it was imminent. There was the inevitable visiting schedule, and sadly some arguments about who got to visit first and for how long. What can I say, people focus on strange things in these moments.

We (DH and I) had DH's elderly gran staying, along with SIL and BIL and five yo nephew. My parents came over too and just helped - they listened to gran's stories repeatedly (and patiently).

We did easy food - buffet stuff, cold leftovers, that sort of thing. Less prep, hassle and only plates to wash up. We didn't have the energy for grand meals. No-one minded except SIL who decided it was hugely disrespectful for us not to have made a huge roast dinner. I decided it was her release of tension and distraction from the real issue which was her dad.

We'd pre selected DVDs to watch, as lots of Christmas films are so sentimental and tear jerkers that we wanted to avoid them. As we had nephew some were obvious like Cars or similar. Don't watch Up, we did and cried pretty much all the way through the old man's back story part.

DH and I had agreed before that if he needed time out then I'd hold the fort, and he'd sneak off upstairs for a bit. We encouraged lots of short walks to the swings, to get fresh air and also to diffuse some tension between people.

We didn't commit to our usual meet ups with friends and neighbours, no-one minded and we're happy enough when we said just to catch up for a cup of tea when we were ready to face it. There's no way we could have faced busy pubs or restaurants at New Year.

Just keep it simple, was the motto. To be honest we've never really gone back to very extravagant Christmases since, you don't need a lot of the gumph that just clutters up the place or is wasted.

Be kind to yourself, make sure you do the basic self care stuff.

Rainbowshine that's great advice thank you.
I had rubbish Christmases as a kid so I'm so driven to make it lovely for my own kids. And I suppose I just worry this one will be awful for them. But whilst I know it will hardly be a song and dance for the adults, with this advice perhaps we can make it nice enough for the kids.
Kids are sad too, it's their grandmother.
She could be well enough to join in (I pray for this) or she could be dying or dead. It's literally that up in the air, sorry to be blunt.
I honestly don't give a crap about anything else but I can't bear the thought of no nice Christmas memories for the kids