DD has gone to bed crying because she isn't making new friends in her secondary school. I am worried sick and feel helpless. She has always struggled for friends but had a few girls in primary that she went around with, but they have gone to different schools. She spends break and lunch times alone. She won't let me approach her pastoral care leader as she feels humiliated.
I can see that part of the problem is intense shyness and lack of confidence. She seems completely unable to make small talk unless she knows someone very well (then she is chatty and confident). She comes across as unfriendly and aloof, even though we've discussed the importance of smiling and saying hi. She just seems paralysed by a lack of confidence.
Over the years we've tried drama, Guides, numerous school clubs, play dates. The children play happily enough with DD, but no friendships seem to develop.
DD has an unfashionable hairstyle( she isn't interested in appearance and won't change it). She wears jeans and t-shirts out of school, so pretty much the same as the other kids. She is very academic and eager to please, and wants to do well in school. She has a smart phone but isn't interested in using it. Out of school she enjoys reading, drawing, walking, cartoons, being outdoors, messing about on the WII.
I'm so worried about her. I know she's unhappy but she won't do anything to help herself or to let me help her. She is kind, humorous, witty, desperately unassertive (a target for mean comments on occasions from spiteful kids). Most children seem to like her, but as an acquaintance only.
Is there anything I can do? Will she ever find her tribe? I am heartbroken to see her so unhappy.