Citalopram - struggling with my thoughts on being on them even though they work?

[CanOpenWormsEverywhere]

There is nothing in my life for me to be depressed about. Lovely DH, lovely DC, lovely home, lovely extended family. Not trying to be smug but there was no good reason at all for me to be depressed about anything.

But i was. In hindsight i had been struggling for over a year quite badly. Anyway, it came to a head, had a bit of a breakdown, went to the GP, got my magic pills and within a week i felt like a new woman. or i guess the woman i used to be before i developed depression.

It's just i'm struggling to wrap my head around the only reason i'm happy is because i'm drugged up.

Don't get me wrong, I love how i feel now, i am enjoying life, my DC etc. I am being a much better parent to DC, a better wife to DH, i've got my enjoyment of my hobbies back and my pride in my home (i'm a SAHM). I jokingly said to DH that all parents should be given the magic pills as standard when they have a baby, they've made that much different to me and our lives.

Yet I can't quite shake this feeling/thought that I am only happy and enjoying life because i'm drugged. And therefore if i can only be happy with my life when i'm on drugs doesnt that mean i'm actually just covering up the fact i'm not happy? except that i did used to be happy with my life before it seemed to all get too hard....

anyone understand what i mean? or felt similar? How do you deal with these thoughts?

verbena thank you. I'm actually a glasses wearer myself and yes it would be bloody stupid if i tried to get through life without them! I will try and reprogramme how i think about it.

Depression is not something that you can control. It’s like any other illness. The tablets treat a chemical imbalance in your brain that causes the depression. You should look at it like any other illness. If you had diabetes you wouldn’t say you were being drugged having insulin to control it. I’m glad you are looking at it like any other illness now 🙂

@CanOpenWormsEverywhere - I am on antidepressants, and probably will be for the rest of my life. I have depression, anxiety and low self esteem, related to bullying in my childhood, but, like you, I have a really good life now - dh is great, the boys are wonderful, we don't have any major worries - but I still struggle with my mental health.

Over the years, I have tried to come off the tablets a number of times, and whilst I cope in the short term, in the longer term I have always needed to go back on the medication - and now I have come to accept that I need them.

I look at it like this - if I had diabetes, I would not consider myself a failure because I needed insulin - so why do I think I am a failure for needing this medication? It is likely that my brain doesn't produce the chemicals I need to keep me happy - that isn't my fault or failure - so taking the medication that makes up for this lack of brain chemicals is the right thing to do.