So you remind adult children about sending birthday cards / greetings?

[WoodenCat]

For the last few years I have nudged the DSC into sending a card to their dad, or at the very least a text or phone call. From experience if I didn’t do so, they would forget and their DM doesn’t help with it. Now the older one is 19 and away at university, is it time to draw the line on the reminders and buying things on their behalf?

I can’t decide whether I should let them manage for themselves and run the risk of DH being hurt they didn’t remember, or letting them take on that bit of mental load.

I just mean the older one, I’ll help with the youngest still.

I have just reminded my DDs (age 20 and 26) that it if their DFs birthday next week. They are busy and live fairly far away and likely to not remember until the date is upon them. I remind them of grandparent birthdays too. My DM used to remind me of my grandparents birthdays up until they died. I think we are a bit of a forgetful family!

I don’t get reminded of parents or grandparents birthdays as I know them but do get reminded still about aunties and uncles. I have finally written them down on the calendar so now it’s more of a ‘it’s so and so birthday’ and I say oh yeah saw that

As long as you don't do what my mil has done - may still be doing - and sending out cards "from us" to people she thinks we shoukd send cards to. She's even sent gifts.

We found out when we got the "you sent us two cards" comments, or a thank you for a gift we didn't send.

Tell the useless sods to put the birthdays in their phone contact details, then their technology will remind them. Definitely don't do cards and gifts on their behalf, that's beyond worthless!

My DCs are young at the moment but once they reach 18 I'll be expecting them to remember for themselves and send cards/greetings whatever. I also think DCs should start to learn to buy small gifts from the pocket money, it's all practice for budgeting etc.

I assume from your OP that you are 'in charge' of this type of admin stuff? Again I don't think this is a good example, it should be shared. My DP does his family, I do mine. What does it say about them that they can't even remember their DFs birthday? Maybe they aren't bothered about birthdays, in which case fine, no-one needs to remember theirs either.

I help the DSCs because their DM doesn’t help them with this. Conversely my DH, their dad, helps them with cards etc for their mum! DH does do cards etc for his side of the family but I can’t expect him to do the admin for his own birthday and don’t mind helping the dsc whilst young, but tend to feel it’s up to them to manage once they are living independently. But wasn’t sure if that made me mean or unhelpful.

On the flip side, I hated as a teenager being reminded to do something I was already planning to do! Took away the shine of being in charge of my own stuff.