Depression is starting to take over

[rainyday2017]

I shouldn't of fallen pregnant I shouldn't have tried. I'm not a good mother, I can't handle it anymore. I've stopped forgiving and loving I'm just turning into a shell of hate. All I want to do is cut myself I think about it everyday. Think about how selfish it would be to leave them. Think about DD having nothing but love from everyone else, I just can't give her that I try I keep trying but I just can't seem to get it right. She doesn't love me she just uses me for comfort. Something to suck on to fall asleep. My nipples hurt so much I could cry every time I have give up amd to give them to her. I'm sick of being bitten and kicked in the stomach.
I feel so empty.

My DH is by my side but he doesn't understand why and how low I feel. It doesn't help that DD is so clingy she won't go near him most of the time.

I've had a really tough few years and having DD was the best thing that ever happened to me until my depression reared its ugly head again. I am on anti depressants, I have no one to talk to my best friend killed herself just before I fell pregnant. I never made mommy friends.

I guess I just wanted a rant. Trying to figure my shut out again.

Am just pisting to say hag on. You will be ok.

Have you only recently gone back onto ADs? I kniw i always feel worse when i first staet. Felt fucking awful fir about 2 monthd.

Hey rainyday, have you talked to anyone about how you are feeling? It sounds like you could use some support.

It’s such a huge change having a baby. Have you had any breastfeeding support? I found it all really hard at first but it will settle down and get better I promise.

Please be kind to yourself. Your baby does love you, she just can’t tell you yet.

Sending you a huge hug. Hang in there.

Morning,

Probably should've mentioned my daughter just turned on and we weaned her of breastfeeding a few months ago but after going on holiday for two weeks have gotten back into a habit. I'm not spoken to anyone no. I have tried talking to someone through the NHS but I just didn't get on with her. Maybe I should try again with someone new. I can't afford to pay for one.

Been on the ADs for only a month actually running out need to book an appointment.

Thanks for you reply guys.

The NCT should have someone that you can talk to. They have a helpline.

I hope you have a better day today. Could you do something nice for yourself ?

Thank you, I'll look into that.

No not really, we went for a walk to the shops. Can't wait to go to work tomorrow just for my half an hour break. She went to bed at 4am the new guy before and 2am last night. She just won't stay asleep.