diamonda are a girls best friend

[Tortington]

A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around,

spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she

bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has

noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop

up right now

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a

salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the

salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you

today?"

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been

there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, what is the

price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers,

"Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."

i thought it was funny

How are you Custy ??

Feel bad now for having a little giggle and not posting!
It is funny

my kinda humour that!

So pleased you are back Custy-how are things?

first day back at work today. It's shit. someone asked if i had a nice holiday. so i just said yeah.

feeling a bit low, which is to be expected. i am concious that i can't carry on like this as there is only a finite amount of sympathy. the huge weight of the estate and legal processes are looming. MY dh has been ultra superstar. i mean proper special - and i am sneaking around behing his back arranging free advice sessions with solicitors regarding "deeds of trust" to protect the inheritance. whilst its the right thing to do - i feel shit abut it.

keep thinking of the nice mum and then the nasty mum comes crashing in. and i feel guilty. so i am saying to myself "oh i feel sad....you must stop being so melencholy around people.... why are you feeling sad...remember when your mum was a complete cow?.... i know but remember when she was so nice...."
]
the method in which i found her is haunting me too, i mean i was present when my da died as a child and then to find my mum like that, call the police they had to break in, she was there for a couple of weeks, i mean fucked up shit. and i have had a couple of nighmares. i am not prone to nightmares but sleep is somewhat eluding me in long quantities. i mean i sleep for a good 8 hours i love sleep sleep is gooooooood. but i can only sleep for about 4 or 5 then become restless then knackered.

so basically i am completely fucked up! a bit like posting this on an only joking thread!!!

Oh I wish I had the answer for you.My Mum was found in similar circumstances-breathing app for fire brigade etc-and she was still alive at the time .

The good Mum/bad Mum thing will continue for a good while I am afraid-hopefully the sleep will return soon.

If it is any comfort-you are still making loads of us laugh/smile.

thanks x

I can relate to how your feeelings about your mum are in turmoil.
My dad was a violent alcoholic and he died when I was 19 - I felt that I should not mourn him cos of the bad stuff - however I did and my mum could not understand .
I will always regret that I was never able to resolve things with him ( he left the house when I was 5 ).
It will be a long slow process but you will get thro it.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.