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Original poster

Dd Y9 wants to move school wwyd?

17 replies

thegrinningfox · 30/09/2018 22:44

I dont know whether it is normal “school sucks and have no friends” or it is deeper and it warrants a move.

OP posts:

hmmwhatatodo · 30/09/2018 22:46

Depends on what’s going on and if there are schools to move to.

Littlefish · 30/09/2018 22:46

I would talk to her and try and find out some more details about why she wants to move schools. I certainly wouldn't move her for "school sucks and I have no friends". I would definitely want to know more.

Also, speak to her school to get their view on things.

LusaCole · 30/09/2018 22:49

Has she been saying it for ages? Or just a couple of times? Could she be being bullied? Are there other schools that she could get a place at?

I don’t think it’s normal to (repeatedly) ask to move schools (as opposed to more generally moaning about school) so if it was my DD I’d be trying to find a way to do as she asks.

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steppemum · 30/09/2018 22:53

2 big things

has she started or is about to start any GCSE courses (many schools begin in year 9)
is there an alternative school that she has a chance of getting into?

Unless the answer to both of those works, then the whole conversation is a none starter.

I would get her to make a list of specific pros and cons. So, #I've got no friends' needs breaking down more.
I don't have friends because they all know each other out of school and don't live on the same estate, or I don't have friends because I'm arty and the school is really sporty'

Obviously she may not be able to understand why, but trying to unpick it is part of working out whether a new school would be better.
She can add values to her list, so the no friends thing may have a value of 10 (for her) against the new school not doing a subject she likes might have a value of 3.

Make her think through the process of decision making, and over a couple of weeks, work it out. If she comes out strongly pro, then I would do it.

INeedNewShoes · 30/09/2018 22:57

I hated school in year 9. I eventually moved schools for sixth form and suddenly felt like I fitted in. It was a bigger school with a much more varied group of students who were therefore much more accepting of everyone regardless of interests/differences.

If I could rewind I would have moved there in year 9. Three years is a long time to hate school.

Original poster

thegrinningfox · 30/09/2018 22:58

She has been saying on and off since april last year. Before that she was really happy and had a goid group of friends.
I have tolked to and listened to her loads. Have taken her to see schools and have spokem to head of year.
Not much clearer.

She says she feels intimidated by some of the students. Not personally but she does not want to stand out. Her school is a good comprhensive with a mix of people. I see some more “dominant” thsn others but not sure if it’ll be much different in the other schools around.
Yes we could mive to a couple of schools.

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Original poster

thegrinningfox · 30/09/2018 23:04

The first thing I did was asking her to write down all her readons and how she felt. Two weeks on and she has not done it.
Not fitting in is a good reason in my book to move and feeling intimidated by more tough kids is slso a good reason, although if you do not know why you do not fit in amd possibly what you are looking for it may prove difficult to find the right place.
Not fitting in at 13 is dometimes normal too as well asnd to me it feels as if she may need to shake up her friendship group a bit.
In other words I can see both sides and I am confused. I am worried she just want to go to her friend’s school and thinks that this will resolve all her adolescent problems.

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Original poster

thegrinningfox · 30/09/2018 23:04

Apologies for typos i am on a bashed up phone

OP posts:

Original poster

thegrinningfox · 30/09/2018 23:08

The last thing I want is for her to be unhappy, to hate school, to not emjoy learning and to feel intimidated and not ble to seak up and give her best.
I also do not want her to use the mocve school card to resolve age realated issues that are for her to deal with wherever she is.

And tonight not seeing her in anyway proactive about it but just moaning about school and kids smoking weed (that she has on her instagram feed!!) annoyed me somewhat. Hence the post.

Thank you for your replies.

Also in fear of PFB syndrome...

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steppemum · 30/09/2018 23:14

I agree that not fitting in is a good reason.
I wonder though, why she thinks it will be different at a new school.

I would go back to her and give her a gentle deadline - if you are serious about this then we need to look at you leaving at half term. I want you to think it through, so the list of pros and cons. (I would also tell her that it isn't about how many on each list, one powerful reason is enough, it is about thinking through the consequences and deciding if you are OK with them)

But once you have her reasons, then you need to talk about what makes her think this will be different at a new school.

tbh, if she went where her friend is, and that solved the friendship problem, is that enough?

moredoll · 30/09/2018 23:23

Maybe she's being excluded from her old friendship group, or bullied in some other way.

resolve age realated issues that are for her to deal with wherever she is.
It's a bit tough to expect her to deal with bullying issues on her own. You don't know how serious it might be. If she knows that's how you feel that might be why she's not responding to the idea of writing things down for you. Maybe speak to her form tutor, or Head of Year and see if they've noticed anything unusual, and tell them how she's feeling. If she is really unhappy I would move her now, before GCSEs kick in. Some schools won't accept new pupils if they've started the work for GCSEs.

Original poster

thegrinningfox · 01/10/2018 06:59

I wouldn’t expect her to deal with bullying on her own. In fact I don’t expect to deal with abythinh on her own, hence me talking to her, to her form tutor, head of year, taking her to see schools and telling them I am happy if she mive if that’s what she wants. I had said that already.

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nicebitofquiche · 01/10/2018 07:09

Does your local authority allow managed moves? These are 6 week trial moves to another school. Very useful in cases like this.

Oblomov18 · 01/10/2018 07:14

Her not really knowing the reasons is worrying, because how can you really address them, and make sure it doesn't happen again at new school?

But also worrying is that you've already approached school, HoY, and got nowhere!

QueenofLouisiana · 01/10/2018 07:29

I think giving her until half term to make tge final decision is a good idea. Take her to look at the alternative options, after you’ve made sure that the school has spaces.

After half term many schools are asking yr9 to apply for their options, so she needs to be in the school by then. No point trying to sort out options in the wrong school- they will have different blocks and possible combinations.

Original poster

thegrinningfox · 01/10/2018 08:04

Thank you all for the replies. Really helpful. Will call potential schools and find out.

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Foxyloxy1plus1 · 01/10/2018 08:37

If she’s really unhappy and you aren’t getting any support from her school, then I think it’s fair to consider other schools, with the proviso that she will have to be certain it’s what she wants, because you can’t keep changing.

Obviously you’ll need to be sure that potential schools have spaces in her year group, but you’ve already done some research. It will have to be this academic year too, before GCSE courses kick in. Good luck!

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