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Don’t know where to go with being gay , if that makes sense

5 replies

toofattoeat · 30/09/2018 17:32

I have known I am a lesbian since I was about 8 years old, understood it at 16 but didn’t come out to anyone until this summer when I turned 27.

I have never had a relationship or sex, with anyone at all. A few reasons but biggest is I couldn’t willingly admit to being gay. I thought for years I was maybe just not meant to have sex... Now that I have come out to myself ... since saying it it’s like a light has gone on in my head and I realise I do , definitely, find some lasses appealing and I do want to explore that!

I don’t know where to begin with things . I would love a partner (not just a hook up) but where do I look? I went on a tinder date a few weeks ago but she wasn’t looking for a relationship and it never went anywhere, little in common etc.

I’m from a huge city with a big gay scene and at least one lesbian bar but the thought of that does scare me a bit! I’m also a student so have access to an LGBT group but would feel a bit wary walking in alone I think ... is it best just to go and see how I feel? I can confidently call myself a lesbian in front of close family and a smattering of friends but beyond that I’m still wary.

I’m not very confident in myself anyway and I’m quite overweight (secondary to PCOS - I have a BMI of 40 and about 9 stone to lose). Family told me as a teen no one would ever want me being the way I look and that still sticks in my head as much as I know it isn’t true.

I think making friends , understanding myself is the way to go but where do I start? Any help at all would be fab .

OP posts:
sleepismysuperpower1 · 30/09/2018 17:37

would you consider joining an LGBTQ+ group outside of your uni? you might be more comfortable doing that, as you wouldnt necessarily know any people. you could also try pinkcupid.com which is a dating site for lesbians. just be careful though. all the best x

Singingtherapy · 30/09/2018 19:06

One of my best friends is gay and has met the love of her life through plenty of fish. Worth a look. Also I know it's easier said than done but seriously, have a go at venturing into the lgbt club at uni. You'll be totally accepted and welcomed, trust me!

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 30/09/2018 19:10

Your family said horrible things to you.

Unpicking that is going to be as much of a hurdle as getting used to dating as a lesbian.

Could you see your uni support service for a bit of a listening ear?

Having some lesbian friends to chat to about dating might be good so definitely try and go to the group or other groups eg maybe walking groups for women.

NellieBee · 30/09/2018 21:59

There's someone for you, of course. People of all sizes find love! Go to the LGBT meet ups at uni if you can.

I met my wife on Guardian Soulmates. My bestie met hers on OKcupid. Good luck xx

livachristina · 08/01/2025 03:57

It makes sense to feel unsure. Exploring your identity and what it means to be gay takes time. Consider joining online dating platforms . They can help you connect with others, build friendships, and find supportive relationships at your own pace. You're not alone in this journey!

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