I am singing the age old song "I'm so broke, I'm so broke, lalala brainstorm ideas please" <jazz hands>

[TwllBach]

I work 21 hours a week, the occasional stint of over time but it is a seasonal business so the period for over time is pretty much dead and gone now until May next year. I am accepting all over time that I can do, BUT

DS is 2. The only family we have nearby are his 70 year old GPs (my PIL) who have a flippant disregard for his food intolerances. They have had him pretty regularly over the summer as DP runs his own business and his busy season is then too. I would say 3 weeks out of 4, last night included, he comes home and ends up screaming through the night because of what I can only assume is stray gluten from his GPs (he has a gluten intolerance.)

DP often works away from home, which is incredibly inconvenient as I work two early morning shifts during the week. DP drops DS off at nursery those mornings as I have to leave for work at 6.45am and nursery opens at 8am. I have had to swap shifts numerous times already, including this week, because I have no way of getting DS to nursery if DP is working away. The lady I swap shifts with is getting a bit bored of doing so.

ANYWAY, I earn less than £200 a week and I honestly, honestly do not fritter my money. It goes on petrol, food (VERY expensive for a toddler with a gluten intolerance despite the fact that I cook all meals from scratch.) and bills. I still come out at a loss every week and it is unsustainable.

Realistically, there is no point in me getting a full time job because DS would have to be in full time nursery to accommodate DPs job and the short notice work that he can get away. I only contribute to half the bills atm, not towards DPs mortgage. I don't have regular subscriptions apart from to Spotify (£10 a month) and I use that every day so am loathe to cancel.

What I need is a job I can do from home as well as my current so I don't incur any childcare costs.... any ideas??

Could the grandparents help more but you send him with every meal so they don't give him anything?
You say no overtime for you until May, could you get shop work in the run up to Christmas?

Ps or maybe work as a dancer in a jazz club :o

There's very few jobs you can do from home with a two year old around unless you can do them flexibly in the evenings and weekends when your dp is around. How about a casual job where shifts could be picked up when dp is around - maybe bar work/ leafleting etc?

Also have you looked to see if you would get any help with childcare costs from tax credits or Universal credit ( depending on your area)

Stealth I am NOT what people would appreciate seeing as a dancer

My PIL are unswerving about food. I lovingly made all snacks and meals for the first few times and sent them over - they remained in his bag and were not used. They sent me a photo of him chowing down on a Mr Freeze ice pop knowing full well I hate(d) him having refined sugar...the following week I sent them home made ones to pop in their freezer and explained politely. They returned in his bag that evening We have a hate/hate relationship...

Same problem with shop work - either he goes in to nursery on those days and I am in the same financial position, or PIL have him and they physically hurt him via food.

Baby unfortunately, DP earns too much for us to qualify, although I haven't checked since last year.

I already work weekends, which is why PIL have DS (rural area so no paid childcare available during weekends) and evenings would be even worse logistically when DP works away, sometimes for weeks at a time during the winter season.

Do I just have to accept that I am fucked until DS goes to school?

Could DP pay for nursery fees that would allow you more time to earn?

DP won't pay for more nursery for a few reasons - I quit my teaching job as we both think DS should have a parent at home for the first few years. If I was working more I might as well go back to teaching (I am looking around for teaching jobs in case one that would suit pops up!) and also... DP already pays the mortgage and half the bills and if any 'big' expenses crop up then he would cover them.

The plan was always to go back to teaching when DS is in school, meaning we don't pay out on child care over the holidays and I go back to a job that I love and am good at with benefits like ML and SP etc. However, life is just a lot more expensive than I thought it was, especially with added food intolerances. That's not to say that I wouldn't still be taking a hit financially if I was teaching, because of full time nursery etc, but at least if I was breaking even I might not feel so angsty about money all the time...

I’m finding the language used here a bit confusing. DP’s mortgage? Is he not DS’s dad / is this a new relationship? You talk about your money vs his money, so I’m guessing no joint account. Does he pay proportionally towards all the child’s espenses including his food etc? No point DP paying half if he earns £100k and you earn £10k, in such a scenario he should be paying 90% (for arguments sake / easy maths).

I would be very wary indeed of a man who argued that him paying off a mortgage in his own name (when you aren’t married) should be considered by you as a huge contribution to your child’s upbringing.

After your update it sounds like DP has a fair bit of cash spare if he can afford to cover one off big expenses. This sounds like a very unequal relationship.

I'd seriously consider going back to teaching then if you love it and are good at it. Sounds like you can't quite afford for one of you to stay at home more even though you'd prefer it.

Actuallyyyyy I had an Etsy shop a few years ago to sell a bit of knitting. It's getting towards winter isn't it? Where else is good for selling apart from Etsy?

DP is DS's dad but it is a new relationship - DS is 2.5 in November while DP and I have been together just over 3 years the house is DPs and I moved in to it when I was roughly 38 weeks pregnant. The agreement was that I wouldn't give him any money at all while I was on ML and then once I went back to work (briefly before quitting) I started giving him half the bills.

DP does earn more than me and has the potential to obviously earn a lot more given that it is his own business. This winter (seasonal business so customer contact time is during summer months) we are both going to work towards making it more successful in the hope that it will ease the financial burden on both of us if that makes sense? The ideal scenario is that he earns enough for us to have another baby and me be off with that child until they start school, but obviously that isn't a) guaranteed and b) now.

Aside from that, I pay childcare and the 'big' grocery shop although if DP wants top ups or extra treats he pays that for himself. We both run our own cars and pay our own phone bills/insurances etc. I tend to buy the things DS needs like clothes and shoes.

Fin you are right, and I am looking every Monday now for a teaching job to come up. The (added) problem to that is that I live in an area of North Wales where all schools are first language Welsh and I am not. I can get by once in a school (and obviously have done in the past) but can't bring myself to lie on the applications! The county I am in and the counties either side all have that policy, while traveling to counties further than this means an hour/hour and a half commute either side, which again means that I am going to struggle when DP works away.

When I say works away, for example he will be doing two three week (at least) stints between January and March for training to increase his qualifications. By doing that, it means he will be able to offer courses abroad in places like Norway etc over the winter months, increasing his earning potential, which is brilliant and what we need, but it's a huge inconvenience at the moment!

This is awful. Your dp needs to stump up more so you don’t have to send your 2yo somewhere they will feed him gluten. This must be enormously stressful for you. I don’t know if you are aware that this arrangement shows your dp up as selfish and horrible. Has he ever stayed up with your crying child?

I would absolutely not consider having another child with a man who seems to earn plenty while you are skint and arrangements made for affordability reasons are directly harming his child’s health.

Also why is increasing his earning potential brilliant? It’s only brilliant if his family benefit. Otherwise it’s you slaving away , making stressful last minute work arrangements to fit around him, watching your child be made ill, and generally being skint and miserable so he can accrue assets and have a comfortable retirement, by which time you probably won’t be around.

If DP has more spare cash he should be buying the clothes and shoes.

I am a SAHM. My personal opinion is that unless you have a huge personal fortune, it is madness to be an unmarried SAHM. You sacrifice so much financially and if you are unmarried you have no claim at all to ‘his’ money in the event of a split.

In your situation I would either get married and share all finances right down the middle (regardless of who earnt what) or go back to work as a teacher.

Regarding selling knitting, don’t underestimate Facebook groups and having your own Facebook page. Things like hooded sling/babywearing blankets are fairly straightforward pattern wise and fairly easy to sell to the right audience. Steer away from toys, the CE requirements/risk is not worth it. People love a stripy cardi for a baby - simple pattern and easy two-row alternating stripes would be my advice - relatively straightforward to churn out but also desirable and look fancier than they are.

time it's not a case of DS going to GPs because DP won't pay for his childcare. The weekdays that I work are when DS goes to nursery. I also work over the weekend and (during the summer season) so does DP. There is no paid childcare available outside of 'office hours' where we live, so DS has to go somewhere. DP can't turn down work as often it adds up to £150 a day and I can't ask for time off during busy season.

It is very stressful for me, knowing DS could come home poorly and no, DP doesn't usually deal with the aftermath, but largely because DS only really wants me. I am fine with that, I have made massive changes to ensure DS has the best of me whenever he wants me and I wouldn't be able to sleep through his upset anyway.

Sorry I realise you are working part time but your posts scream exploited unmarried SAHM to me.

See it all the time in parenting fb groups.

Time (sorry didn't see your second post) if his earning potential increases enough, it would benefit us as a family as I could be at home - I spend £200 (approximately) on petrol and childcare, both of which would decrease MASSIVELY if I was at home, but in order for that to happen, DP has to be able to earn at least a third more than he currently does.

Batteries I agree about the marriage aspect.

I shall investigate a Facebook page - thanks for the tip!

Batteries I wouldn't claim to feel exploited, although logically I know all the childcare/child raising/family planning etc rests on my shoulders. All the mental load is on me, I know that BUT (and I feel like it is a big but) I love DS and want to be with him as much as possible in the formative years. I know it isn't for everyone, I know not everyone can, I know not everyone wants to, but for me that's what would be the ideal situation. It is only ever meant to be temporary, until he goes to school and then again when/if I am lucky enough to have another DC, then I can get my own career back on track. It's just that temporary is fine but I still need to make it out of the temporary period...

Could you do some supply teaching? You could do two or three days a week ( keep your availability fixed so you'd always keep your childcare place) but put up with the longer commute to find that work. Powys isn't so fussy over Welsh Speakers if that's still commutable for you or even Shropshire.
Do North Wales private schools insist on Welsh speakers?

Evening tutoring? More and more happens via skype so you could access non-Welsh requirements. What are your subjects?

A few years back i did an Alevel with the National Extension College. The second tutor i had was truly brilliant but i had the impression they were massively overloaded.

Oooh why haven't I thought of supply teaching?? As far as I remember, none of the schools I taught in ever bothered requesting a Welsh speaking supply teacher... I know of at least three other teachers that got their permanent jobs via supply work as well.

The vast majority (not that there are loads) of private schools around here don't give two figs about the Welsh language!!

Annandale I'm a primary school teacher with a degree in Primary Education so I probably wouldn't be qualified enough to tutor anything over year six level, but I could definitely advertise somewhere. Thank you!