If you're someone who needs repeated reminders to settle informal debts to friends - why is this?

[MountainPony]

I quite often organise trips out to the theatre or talks with my friends via social media. If there's something I like the look of I'll post the link up and ask if anyone would like to join me, and I'll usually tag in friends who I think would be interested.

When people have responded, I book the tickets. Depending on the event this can be for up to ten people, so I'll have put about a hundred quid or so on my card.

I then message everyone attending with my bank details so they can transfer what they owe. Nearly everyone does this instantly. A few people take a couple of days (no problem, life is busy) and occasionally someone just forgets and has to be prompted after a week or so (again, no biggie - we all drop a ball on occasion).

I have one friend though who always fails to pay. And then has to be prompted at least three times before she finally manages it, somehow managing to make me feel as though I'm being n anal old nag in the process.

Money isn't an issue for her, I'm fairly sure. In any case, if she can't afford to spend fifteen quid on a theatre ticket (everyone has their priorities) then she absolutely doesn't have to! There's no pressure from me at all - I usually tag about 15 people and then between five or ten of them will accept. It is, as MN would have it, an invitation not a summons.

I really like her; she's lots of fun and I enjoy doing things with her, but I'm now at the stage of wanting to stop inviting her to events because of this issue with the payments. I hate having to chase her up and it just feels really rude and disrespectful of her to repeatedly put me in this position.

So if you're one of these people - can you tell me why you do it? What's the actual issue? Why do you inconvenience and annoy your friends like this, when they're doing you a favour? I'd really like to know!

because you just dont matter enough . dont book for her in future so she knows how it feels.

Oh and when I was daft enough to book without prior, those who hadn't paid didn't get the ticket. I would send a message saying ticket needs paying for by x date otherwise it's getting sold on.

I really don't understand why people put up with piss takers and instead of doing something proactive, they complain to others about it.

What's the worse that happens when you challenge a piss taker? You lose them from your life. That's a good thing. Compared to everyone thinking what a fool you are to keep putting up with that shit.

How can you forget though?
You know that you are going to X event and that someone has paid for this. Or are those saying they forget and need reminding also saying they need reminding to show up to the event?

I wouldn’t book things for that person again: let her pay for it herself if she wants to join you. This may mean sitting separately from the group. If she asks why just say it’s because of her tardy payments and her attitude about it.

I'm someone who cannot owe money , it really would worry me if I did and as soon as a bill etc comes in I pay it immediately just in case I 'file' it then forget

Maybe your friend is very busy and 'files' things to pay later then simply forgets ( accidentally )

I think I would be inclined in future not to include her if it's always a case of repeatedly
reminding her she owes you ,

I hate requesting money from people and to have to repeatedly nag to get it back would be a deal breaker.

I have been in this situation. I let people know one of my pet hates is having to nag people for money. I said that I was happy to book events, but if I had to nag anyone for payment they wouldn't be included in any future events.

Yes I miss events as well - I have a very bad memory
But the white board is helping

I’ve been guilty of this, I just forget.

"Hey friends. This event looks great. I'll be booking tickets on Tuesday evening. Pop the money into my account before 5 pm and I'll include you on the list. looking forward to seeing you there. Love from Pony."

Job done.

“Just forgetting” is poor: it’s not hard at all to manage day to day administration. suggests you have low regard for your friends’ time and money.

it’s not hard at all to manage day to day administration
For you, not everyone.

Sending a link round for people to book their own tickets means everyone will be sitting separately, which isn't really the point of a group outing. It would annoy me a lot to have to remind someone of a debt repeatedly and I'd certainly take them off the list next time.

By not paying upfront, she’s not committing to the event.

People who genuinely forget would be mortified at the first time of reminding and get it to you ASAP. People who keep forgetting are trying to pull a fast one.

No, not just for me, how hard is it to write it down and deal with it? When the alternative is someone else being inconvenienced and out of pocket?

adults/parents all have loads to remember. If someone kindly offers to organise something and sub you temporarily and you’re not on top of your admin enough to pay promptly, then don’t agree to it. Forgetting once, fair enough, but “forgetting” several times is just selfish and disrespectful.

Lospi bit of our find day to day administration hard then you need to put system in place to make it easier not to expect others to bear the brunt of your poor organisation. Eg use a white board or phone reminders if you know you are likely to forget.

Urgh auto correct! First part of sentence should be ‘ but if you find’

I have a wipeable blackboard sticky thing. I bought a roll of it from Amazon for practically nothing. I have these boards stuck around the house and I use them with proper chalk pens as these are harder to accidentally wipe off and neon colours.
Plus I have alerts set to my calendar which is accessed on my phone/laptop. When making arrangements with people as they are talking I am entering relevant details into the calendar.

With the tech and none tech options available there isn't a reason to be so disorganised. It doesn't have to even cost a penny if you have a phone/laptop/tablet as everything you need is either pre-installed or can be downloaded for free.

Oh and I also use a Bullet Point system that I find works for me. Have a look on youtube for info about this system. But again costs next to nothing as it just requires a cheap notebook and something to write with.

No, not just for me, how hard is it to write it down and deal with
For some people it can difficult that was my only point.
I do use systems but sometimes I forget them systems! I have friends that I’m lucky enough to have known for 20+ years so are fine reminding me, but life isn’t so easy for everyone, yes she’s probably being a cf, but not everyone in this situation is.