I hate my fucking life right now

[FiveGoMadInDorset]

I have a DH ho is terminally ill and I guess has around a year left or less as they want to start him on another treatment but they can't right now. I have a daughter with ASD who is increasingly isolating herself and won't do anything with us as a family, not even a trip to the cinema or a walk on the beach and a son who just wants to do things with his sister but she won't, I can't force her so he gets angry as well. CAMHS aren't interested, trying to find some support groups and I am hiding in my shed in tears. Not are what I want to achieve with this thread, just fed up of holding it all together for my family.

Oh Fuck. It sounds like you are going through hell. How traumatic for you all. The worst is still to come but please hang on in there, you sound lovely.

What a terrible time for you. I'm so sorry about your husband. How old are your children?

That sounds horrible Five.

How old is DD? It’s hard when they don’t want to do stuff with you. My DS is the same. He is 17 now but has been the same for about four or five years. No ASD - just at that stage.

I think you just have to let her get on with it. And DS needs to just let her be really.

So sorry you are going through this.

Is your husband under a palliative care team? Do you have a local hospice? Hospices often have support for families. Children’s groups and councillors for children with terminal parents or close relatives. They will have support and advice for you too.

So sorry, it is awful. I'm a bit further ahead, my DH died from cancer about 10 weeks ago, I have two children - one with ASD and the other has ASD traits. And I hate my life too. The only thing I can say that is better now is that the worst has happened, so there isn’t the dreadful anxiety and fear hanging over us any more. Hugs to you.

I am really sorry you are going through this, and no one could blame you for hiding in the shed in tears.

Let your dd choose what she feels comfortable doing, and let your ds choose the days out and maybe take a friend instead? It won't be the family days out you were hoping for but it will be nice for him. Can you do indoor things with dd for a while? Crafts and knitting etc.

I hope you have some RL support, and you are taking time out regularly to look after your own needs. Prioritise your wellbeing at the moment op. Take care to eat well, do exercise which will help you sleep better. I am so sorry. It will be awful there is nothing you can do to change it, but self care really so important atm

Thank you all, it really has just helped writing it down and acknowledging it. DD is 12 and DS is 10. I have a session with the hospice counsellors next week and can hopefully put a plan in action.

Zallie I am so sorry for your loss

Hello OP,

Don't have anything helpful to suggest other than hugs to you and your family.

It's ok to not be strong all the time too you are human.

If you were my friend I would want to help. Do you have people to ask?

Hi Five, I’m so sorry about your situation. This might not help you but just to reassure you that I had similar dynamics with my dd and ds at that age (no ASD). Dd wanted to do her own thing/ chat to friends online and just stopped playing with ds completely. To be honest it probably started when she went to secondary. He found it hard.

I tried to compensate by playing with ds - card games, tennis, my dh played Xbox with him and I took him for walks. I also tried to have his best friend round more/take then out.

‘Family life’ looks different to what you expected once they hit 12ish. I’ve realised it’s best to accept it enjoy any one to one time you get with the kids.

I appreciate your wider situation is really difficult though. Wishing you all the best 💐