Does anyone else experience this?
I often look around and don't have a clue how I got here, it’s a little unnerving sometimes.
I come from a very rough estate where people don’t tend leave, or get out I should say. My mum committed suicide when I was young and so my brother and I went to live with my dad and his wife. My brother had a different dad and was really pushed out of the family, he turned to drugs and crime and he too committed suicide.
I felt very left out of my dad’s family so got stuck in at school. I had great teachers who let me stay behind in class to get my reading done and encouraged me to join lots of clubs.
My dad then passed away so I moved away to go to university as there was nothing left for me where I grew up. I did an undergrad, a masters, a PhD and a professional course. I then landed a career that I never thought would be a possibility.
I’m surrounded by posh colleagues who come from very well off backgrounds. Sometimes I’ll listen to their conversations about where they’ve holidayed or where they go home to and it’s all so foreign to me. The people I deal with on a daily basis assume I am one of those posh people and so treat me differently to how those who know my background do.
I’ll then go home and I have a DH who is very kind and looks after me but I don’t know why. He genuinely cares about my day and how I am and I still find it really odd to this day, despite 8 years of marriage.
I probably haven’t done a very good job at explaining what I mean. I’m very grateful for how things have worked out but have no idea how it happened or why it did. There’s always that fear of losing everything too, so I don’t let myself get comfortable.
Does anyone else feel like this?