Ok, so there is an older lady who used to live a couple of doors down (but since moved to a different area). At the beginning of this year her husband left her and moved in with somebody else. I felt so sorry for her, she was a broken woman and doesn’t have any family nearby (they are a few hours drive away). I helped her out with a lot of things, sometimes just helped by sitting with her until late at night. I helped her at her solicitor meetings, helped her move house, took her to appointments etc.
I have had my suspicions for a while now that she is a heavy drinker (hate to assume but I think she is an alcoholic). She has lost a lot of weight. She said she has been to the Dr’s but as she isn’t underweight they aren’t concerned. She is having therapy too to try and get over it.
I do have a lot of sympathy for her, I really do. BUT, she is always messaging me saying how hard life is etc, and how she only eats a chocolate bar and cup of soup all day. Whenever I try and come back with positive things and suggestions she just answers very negatively. I’m not sure that I believe her when she says how little she has eaten, because if she had eaten that amount for the past 7 months I really think she would be severely underweight by now. I think it’s an attention thing.
I’m struggling now with what to say to her, I dread meeting up with her because it’s all doom and gloom all the time.
I have recently had a miscarriage (which she knows about) but she still puts pressure on me. I had a miscarriage a week before her housewarming do, I said I wasn’t up for going to the party but would pop round a week or so later when I felt a bit better. She continued to message me that week asking if I was ok but also trying to pressure me in to going to the party by giving me directions and saying she had cooked food especially for me (purely from a selfish point of view as she just wanted me to be there). I am dealing with my own emotions, and daily stresses (I run my own business, as does my husband) and we have a young child.
I want to be there for her, and I feel really nasty saying this, but I’m getting really fed up with her now. It’s bringing me down too. I don’t know what else I can say to her, I feel like she wants me to give her perfect advice all the time and to help with general stuff (she literally had no involvement whilst married with household bills etc). It’s emotionally draining. I can’t just abandon her, as I worry what she would do if I did. But at the same time I really wish she would turn to somebody else and not me all the time. I feel like I’m responsible for her wellbeing and it’s getting too much.
What would you do?