Did your relationship suffer after having a baby?

[donttknowhattodo]

I had DS already when I met my OH so I didn't think having a baby together would make a difference. But since we have come home with her it's been awful. I have seen on Facebook that an old friend that recently had a baby has split up with his partner already and baby is only a few weeks old!

Just curious if other relationships have had this "struggle" and gotten over it?

I'm so saddened to hear of so many negative outcomes. I'll put up my hand up and say that, 4 months in, we're doing ok! We are tired and, yes, priorities lie with the baby but so far (touch wood!) we're coping and feel very contented and satisfied and grateful.

Yep, we split up.

I remember asking a similar question afew months after having our DD. We weren't on the verge of splitting up or anything but I couldn't believe how much it had changed our relationship.
Someone said it is like a grenade has gone off in your relationship. You need to learn how to put the pieces back together and obviously it won't be the same.
One thing for me and DH we always kept communicating and being honest how we felt. There were times I wanted to scream at him (still are). And I do sometimes wonder if I have a touch of PND.
It is different but we have had to change/adapt. We were together just us for 7 years and I think going from all that quality time together to hardly any was hard for both of us.
Saying all that we have our DD now who we both love so much. We now just say she has joined our little team.

Yes. Chronic sleep deprivation and stress (mine) made me monosyllabic, tense, short tempered etc etc.
To be fair to him he was mostly great and is a great Dad too. I just really didn't enjoy maternity leave and probably had mild pnd in hindsight.

We really lost pre kids closeness and our relationship really suffered. I think we both wondered if we'd split around the 6-8 month mark but soldiered on. Things got much better when I went back to work and started getting some sleep. Sex life was shit for years though. I just had zero interest.

0-1 was ok but 1-2 nearly broke us.

We have come through it now though.

We love our baby but he’s destroyed our relationship. I’m exhausted and sleep deprived so I have no interest in sex. I’m constantly angry and resentful of DP, who sleeps through most nights, has a career and is valued by people while I’m at home wiping up shit, goes on business trips and has nice restaurant dinners and peaceful sleep, eats every meal uninterrupted, watches tv while I have to take the baby to bed, and gets to have a child and a perfect stomach too. Every day I hate him more. We argue constantly. And we haven’t had any time alone since we became parents.

He turned into a massive twat and we split when dd was nursery age.

We have a 7 month old and I thought a few times we would split up.
My DP is at work, I'm at home doing all the feeds, baby's laundry, bottles etc.
It's so monotonous so you just end up resenting them being away from it but they resent you for being at home.
We're getting better, but it will change again over the years once the baby turns into a little shit

Yes, marriage went tits up immediately after DS was born. We limped along for a while but were divorced by the time he was 2 years old.

Yes. The PND drove a huge wedge between us. As did the breastfeeding and my gynae problems. Just horrific. We made it through though. Not without war wounds though. Really hope this time isn't as bad, but no idea how to improve it other than not breastfeeding, which has its own issues.

We were advised to have an amnesty for the first 18 months of babyhood and try to let a lot of stuff wash under the bridge due to stress, sleep deprivation etc. I think it's good advice if you can manage it. You're not thinking straight at the beginning

We are nine months in and yes it has absolutely changed us. We are arguing more and have shorter fuses. I know I'm not currently being very nice, and he has a tendency to be selfish.

Having said that, we both still love each other very much, and love each other as parents. I know we will come through this difficult time, and I hope we will have a stronger relationship at the end. I'm going back to work full time which I think should help, and we do have a good sleeper so I'm not too sleep deprived.

Agree with the pp who says you have to put your relationship back together as something different.

My daughter is 4 weeks and me and My partner are very distant, I thought having a baby would bring us closer and happier but turns out that's not the case sometimes

Give it a bit of time, it's such early days. It's a huge shock for you both. And you're probably both reeling with tiredness.

The relationship was poor (though I was in denial) pre pregnancy, terrible during pregnancy and deteriorated once baby arrived. That said, it was an abusive relationship. I chose to end it and was glad I did. It would have ended baby or no baby but his behaviour when the baby arrived became a lot more scary.