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Original poster

Waiting too long to start a family?

27 replies

DaniC18 · 26/09/2018 16:47

I'm 29 and childless. I do plan on having children but havent felt 'ready' yet. Plus my longest relstionship of 5 years ended suddenly and my current OH and I have only been together 18 months.
Anyway, I just had a conversation with my older sister and mother of 3 children. She says she is worried I may be waiting too long to start a family and began telling me about how my fertility rapidly decreases at 35 and the chances of down syndrome increases etc.
Its kind of freaked me out a little tbh. I wouldn't mind a child with ASN like down syndrome but would be gutted to think it's partly my fault because I was an older mum!
Please tell me there are plenty mums who had their first baby in their 30s and it all turned out ok lol

OP posts:
AntiHop · 26/09/2018 16:48

You're 29. Chill out.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/09/2018 16:51

Well that gives you 6 years before you can apparently be held responsible for cuaiang your child's genetic condition!

SleepingStandingUp · 26/09/2018 16:51

Causing

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hermionegranger · 26/09/2018 16:59

Hi OP,

I'm the same age as you as is my DH, but we don't currently have plans to have kids for another few years. I have the same concerns as you re: fertility, but there are many women who conceive easily after 35 with no additional intervention. Don't let your Dsis influence you unduly; if you don't feel ready then you aren't ready (I know i'm not!)

My best friend conceived within a week of TTC and she is 37, and my DM had 4 other children after she had me at 34 and all of us were born in fine health. It really depends on your body, genetics, health, chance etc.
Unless you have reason to be concerned specifically about your fertility (if you have PCOS for example) then I would try not to let it worry you too much. We are waiting because we simply would not be able to provide for a child atm and i'd rather risk a slight dip in my fertility levels in a couple of years time but be able to cope and provide for a DC if I did fall pg!

Haireverywhere · 26/09/2018 17:03

I'd be worried if you were 35 but you're 29.

Original poster
DaniC18 · 26/09/2018 17:11

Thanks for the comments so far. I know it's probably silly of me to even worry at this point but my sister put across a strong case that worried me lol x

OP posts:
Haireverywhere · 26/09/2018 17:15

It's not silly. I'm just reassuring you that her valid points don't apply - yet.

fussychica · 26/09/2018 17:16

Married for 14.5 years before having healthy DS at 36. Don't worry about it at 29, enjoy your current life, you'll know when the time is right.

numberseven · 26/09/2018 17:17

So I started trying at 35. I was sure it'd be easy as my sister had kids in her late thirties. Took us 6 years and tens of thousands of dollars for IVF.. I think what you could do is go to an obgyn and get a checkup and get your hormone levels (AMH, FS) checked if you can. Then you know if everything's looking good or if there is reason to worry/hurry.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/09/2018 17:18

But it's a nonsense case. Does she expect you to just ask DP to impregnate you even though you're not at that point? How would you feel about being a single parent?

I had a baby with a genetic condition like Down Syndrome in my early 30's, my sister had a healthy baby with no medical issues at 38. Yes there are risk factors but it simply isn't that easy.

Could you afford some fertility testing to give you an idea if you feel like there's new pressure on you?

formerbabe · 26/09/2018 17:22

Loads of people start having children in their thirties. You're still young.

Elllicam · 26/09/2018 17:23

I think if you are only 29 and have a steady partner I wouldn’t worry that much. I started my family at 31 and am 28 weeks pregnant with our 4th at the moment (37). I fell pregnant on the first month with fairly minimal effort involved.

Original poster
DaniC18 · 26/09/2018 17:25

That might be a good idea to get tested. I'm in the UK but have savings so could go private for a fertility test just to set my mind at ease. I would hate to prioritise other things then find out down the line that it will take years to get pregnant x

OP posts:
Foodylicious · 26/09/2018 17:25

Always wanted a family but was waiting for the urge to kick in.
29 came and went , 30, 32, then BAM! Out of nowhere something kicked in and I wanted to start trying.

I had #1 4 yrs ago at 34 and am now due #2 next week (Shock) at 39.

No need to put any pressure on yourself or 18 month relationship!
There isn't anything you can do change how long you have been together

3in4years · 26/09/2018 17:26

She has a point. It is better to start earlier. I met my dh at 27. Babies at 30, 32 and 35. We wanted a big family and I wanted to be done by 35. I have been left with various problems due to having 3 babies in 4 years. I wish I could've spaced them out a bit more.

juneybean · 26/09/2018 17:28

I agree with getting your hormones checked my amh is low at 32 so I'd like to have known what it was at 29.

Original poster
DaniC18 · 26/09/2018 17:30

We don't even live together yet (he is moving in after christmas) so a baby is at least 2 years away I reckon. That being said I would rather be married and buy a house first but these are things that wouldn't matter if I knew it would take while to conceive. X

OP posts:
Original poster
DaniC18 · 26/09/2018 17:32

I'm now googling fertility clinics lol it's crazy how one conversation with my sister has stirred up ao many insecurities in me x

OP posts:
Original poster
DaniC18 · 26/09/2018 17:39

Just sent away an enquiry for a fertility assessment. Its only £299 and includes ultrasound scan, AMH
blood test, semen analysis and nurse consultation. Just need to get OH on board! X

OP posts:
Poulnabron · 26/09/2018 17:44

But it's a nonsense case. Does she expect you to just ask DP to impregnate you even though you're not at that point? How would you feel about being a single parent?

Yes, this, exactly. There's no point in panicking into trying to conceive with someone when you don't even live with them yet, and you're not at the life stage/relationship stage where you're ready. And I don't think knowing you have fertility problems should panic you into ttcing now either.

Calm down about it, OP. Yes, some people struggle to conceive in their late thirties, but it's certainly not an inevitability. Just to counteract the media roaring about Fertility Falling Off a Cliff at 35 -- I was about to turn 40 when I had my son, and I was the third-youngest in my NCT group of 8. And I conceived him the first time we had unprotected sex, had a straightforward pregnancy, and a perfectly healthy baby.

That doesn't make an difference to how likely you are to find it easy to conceive at any age, but sometimes it helps to have some data to set against someone doom-mongering.

I certainly wasn't ready to have a child before 39.

chocatoo · 26/09/2018 17:45

You are fine for a while but don't leave it for tooo long as your fertility does start to drop. Suggest you read up about it. At 39 I blithely thought I had plenty of time until someone told me to read up about fertility. Thankfully I had DD at 40

Original poster
DaniC18 · 26/09/2018 17:54

Thanks for your comments.
I'm probably being dramatic now. I do appreciate that it's not a certainty but I must admit ferrility hasn't ever occurred to me before. Its lovely to read that many of you conceived easily x

OP posts:
Foodylicious · 26/09/2018 18:10

Just go easy OP. Thats alot if pressure to put on OH.
Also when you do start ttc you can ask GP for referral to NHS fertility clinic if you have been trying for 6-12 months (depending on where you live and your age at the time)

tierraJ · 26/09/2018 19:27

My friend remarried at 40, had a lovely baby boy at 42 then fell pregnant again 9 months later with a girl!

Haireverywhere · 26/09/2018 19:31

You don't even live together. Don't overreact.

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