Hope the title of the thread is sufficient to stop anyone who might be affected from clicking. 
This might be long.
A couple of years ago, my DH finally told me (after many years of marriage) that he and his siblings had been sexually abused by their father as children. His mother was aware, but turned a blind eye to it. We've never been physically or emotionally close to his side of the family, but nevertheless, it was a major shock.
His first comment was that he had made sure that our DC (now adults) were never alone with his father. He did however try to do nice things for his Mum and Dad, and to those of us on the outside, it was a fairly normal, if distant relationship. My family were always much closer, and he is very much part of 'us' if that makes sense.
On the basis that various wider family members are aware of the issues, and my fear that our DC could be told by others when we're no longer around, he told our DC the whole story some months ago. They were horrified, and have had no contact with their remaining GP since.
So there are two things I need to get straight in my head - and would be really grateful for any thoughts/experience -
- Can an older man - who has always been a loving DH and DF - totally loyal and honest, really put such an awful experience behind him? He is successful and sociable, but doesn't open up easily. He would be open to counselling (when I suggested it), but I suspect he has built quite an effective shell, and I don't want to break that down if there is no need. But could it impact upon him in later life?
- Our DD was very kind and thoughtful towards her GPs. However, she is very black and white, and they are now dead to her (in one case, actually!). But she did say to me at the weekend that she wants nothing to do with the remaining GP, although she was worried that she would regret this in time.
I don't want to push the issue with either DH or my DC, but neither do I want it brushed under the carpet. My take on it has been that none of us has anything to be ashamed of, we don't need to have secrets, but that it should not become a matter for idle gossip either.
Grateful for any thoughts.