Going back to work without family help for childcare

[lornathewizzard]

Ok, so first up I know this is a really common situation and loads of people do it but after a shit months nights sleep I could do with talking this through and a bit of motivation because I'm feeling pretty down.

I've been a SAHM for 4 years, through choice. I always knew I wanted to do it and some unexpected money helped us do it at the time. But I've not been happy for quite a long time now, had PND with second baby (whos now 2) and I think possibly now suffer from depression / anxiety. And I want to get back to work, get something for me back, and of course the extra money would be good.

My husband makes a reasonable wage at £35k, so we've been managing on one income but in reality we've eaten through all our savings and have some debt now. Think we are probably what you would class as just about managing.

I have a degree in History though I've never used it and before kids i had customer service/retail jobs. So I can't exactly jump into a well paying job. Realistically I'd be hoping for £8-£9 an hour. ( we do live in the 4th poorest area in Scotland, so is this realistic, who knows).

Kids are 4 and 2. 4 year old is at preschool, at the school that she will go to, 5 afternoons a week. I don't want to move her, but they don't do anymore hours, so in my mind that means only option is a childminder for both kids so that they can do drop offs/pick ups at nursery. 2 yo won't get any funding til next September. Going by local rates, we'd be looking at £20 per child per half day, £40 ish per child per full day for a childminder.

We'll lose the £158 a month UC we get as soon as I start earning anything basically (which is obviously fine, but kind of uses up even more of my wage in my head).

We always said we didn't want to do the one in the door, one out the door to work thing, but is this the only way its feasible to actually not be spending all your money on childcare??

My family don't live close enough to help, and DHs family are close but too busy with their own jobs/kids to commit to any regular help.

Sorry I know this is just a big brain dump, and no-one can tell me what to do, but I'm really hoping someone can just say, its ok, its workable, and totally worth it.

Even if you're spending most of the extra income on childcare, that can still be worth it due to NI contributions, pension ,- and if relevant for you, some more independence and/or work experience that will let you get a promotion in time.
Or if not, with only 2 DC and at those ages, one in the door / one out should be doable, so long as you both get some down time and family time.
Could you look at any history tutoring? Night be better paid and more flexible than retail or otherwise care work is often available and can be in shifts around school hours.

Ok so realistically you'll have 1 at school and 1 with 30 hours funding from Sept next year (once you're working enough hours).

If you're desperate to work this year I think one in one out, or afternoon - evening shifts with CM picking up eldest from nursery would minimise childcare as part of your shift is with dh taking care of them.

What about waitressing or bar work?

Exactly what Stuck said. If you want to go back to work and you clearly do you will find a way to make it work.

It's not just about the money though, is it, it's getting back into work, and the mental health benefits of that. Even a small increase in income alongside that is another benefit. And it'll improve next September. You could say that you can get by till then and then start putting the amount you get in free hours towards paying off debts.
I would bite the bullet on paying for childcare rather than do one in one out, to keep some time for you and your DH as well.

Most people I know in your situation work evenings/weekends/opposite shifts to their OHs to avoid childcare costs.
Yes, it's rubbish as you rarely see each other, but if you are using up your savings and incurring debt you are not "just about managing" so needs must.

Hopefully once you've got a job (any job!) you'll be better placed to find something different/better once funding kicks in for your youngest next September.

thanks for responding everyone - you've articulated my thoughts mostly.

Stuckforthefourthtime tutoring is an idea I will think about that, although I was never very good!

Di11ly yes things will definitely improve once eldest is at school (although I don't think the 30hrs kicks in in Scotland until 2020, but even with 15hrs that a bonus and he wouldn't have to go to the school nursery I could look at somewhere more flexible). And yes the afternoon/evening shifts seemed sensible - tho I would be wary of working too late as then it just seems like I'm on call all day - a full day with the kids then a full shift (again I know loads of people need to do this but thankfully we're not there yet). Will need to check out waitressing etc, nothing seems to have come up on my searches

We are just sucking up the childcare costs atm and waiting for our son to be eligible for the 30 free hours in 2 years time. We have come to terms with not having a lot of spare cash for a few years although we both have fairly well paid jobs so we are still comfortable.

Most my wage goes on nursery fees and most my partners on debt repayment and child maintenance but we know in a few years when free hours come in and his debt is paid off we will be much better off and I've still kept my job and got a payrise to boot.

Pulnabron and Butterymuffin thank you, and yes you're right it needs to be about more than the money in terms of my wellbeing etc.

RedSkyLastNight thank you for being honest and yes we have most definitely been overspending although I think we have a much better handle on that now (thanks YouNeedABudget!). And yes anything I can do now will obv help with experience further down the line.

I'd love to go to college and get some more training done but we really can't afford to pay childcare without me earning.

LivingDeadGirlUK suck it up is the right phrase and I need to remember that!