Will I ever recover from depression?

[PeonyBlooms]

Has anyone recovered after a long period of depression? I’ve been suffering for more than 12 years now with no end in sight. I’ve tried literally everything to try and beat it, I mean really tried and if anything I probably feel worse than I ever have.

I work from home and it’s gotten to the point where I only ever go out to walk the dogs, who are the only thing keeping me alive really. Friends have fallen by the wayside and I’m basically on my own. I constantly feel sad and depressed and often suicidal. I’ll have the occasional okay day (more like a few hours) but it never lasts.

I’ve tried off the top of my head:

Various medications from Citalopram to lithium
Counsellors/psychologists/psychotherapists (costing me thousands of pounds to no effect)
Exercise
Meditation
Yoga
Residential retreats
Fake it ’til you make it
Self-help books
Not so legal drugs
Numerous hobbies (don’t get any enjoyment/struggle to keep them up)

I’m well and truly at a loss!

I've found that the SNRI anti depressant Venlafaxine MR 300mg a day has helped also being on the mini pill Cerazette which means I don't get periods (I used to get suicidal every month).

I also take anti psychotics as I have schizo affective disorder but I don't think they have any effect on the depression.

I still do get times when im depressed & literally can't function but being on the meds means that it passes off more quickly than without the meds & I don't feel so suicidal.

When I'm really depressed I just can't do anything so the usual advice to use cbt, mindfulness, go to the gym etc is no use. But I can feel the anti depressants 'lifting' my mood after a while.

I had bad depression alongside other symptoms for about 5 years before taking the increased dose of Venlafaxine started to help.

So depression is curable imo but it's a case of finding the right meds at the right dose which can take years.

Good luck

Have you ever been put on combination medication? I've suffered for years but accidentally ended up on mirtazapine and venlafaxine. (accidentally because I was supposed to be coming off one to start the other). And it has worked wonders for me. Apparently it is a really good combo for "treatment resistant" depression.

In all the many things you have listed, has anything anything Made you feel better. Even if just a little

I've tried Venlafaxine before, and I'm actually on Cerezatte currently. I'm glad they worked for you, but they haven't worked for me unfortunately, well I'm only 6 weeks into the Cerezatte, so there's still time.

I've tried a few combinations, so far nothing has really helped and quite a few of the medications have worsened my insomnia which actually makes things worse.

Some of the things (not medication or therapy) have made me feel better for a little while, while I was doing them, but it never lasts. I know I may be sounding a bit defeatist but I really do want to get better and I try everything that I can for as long as I can, but I still feel the same in the end.

Have you looked at the Thrive programme?
I am in a bad place at the moment too, mine is down to a phobia/OCD and depression. I have also tried many, many things over the years. I am about to go into a residential place for a month (I am so lucky that we were able to borrow money as it is private) that is intensive therapy, pretty much the whole time.
But Thrive is supposed to be brilliant. I have struggled with it myself but others say it is amazing. Maybe worth a try?

No, I haven't tried Thrive, what is it exactly? I hope the residential place helps you.

I was diagnosed with depression years ago. Like you, nothing made a difference. I tried everything. It only made it worse because it eroded hope of ever getting better.

Then after about 15 years I moved abroad. Went to the doctors for more anti depressants and he said no. He could see i was struggling but his instinct was that there was something else. So he referred me on.

Short version: I was eventually diagnosed with off the scale anxiety. Anxiety so bad that it presented as depression rather than anxiety. So for the last few years I've been on anti-anxiety meds and programmes instead and I've finally found some peace.

Unfortunately, I don't think you will ever be rid of depression.

In my own experience (I have been on various anti depressants for 29 years)
I just manage it. It is always in the background but I am an expert at putting on a 'mask' and getting on with it.

I take Prozac. I have been on citalopram for a long period but find Prozac works best for me but there are side effects with both. I just live with the side effects.

Hoping you find an answer

It's a book, you can get from Amazon. It's a programme you work through, on your own or with a Thrive consultant (costs a lot though)
Have a look at the website

Maverick, if I could even just manage it I think I'd be ok with that, but I'm a mess all of the time and I can't live a normal life even on the surface because of it.

Thanks, Gnarlington. Am having a look now. I'm skeptical because I've tried a few other online course type things that have promised amazing results but not delivered, but it's only about £30 for the workbook so I will probably give it a go.

I hope it helps you, even a bit. Good luck with everything. I know you probably think that you are not worth the effort, but you are. I'm learning that about myself too

Is there anything you're looking forward to?

I can't tell how your depression manifests itself aside from feelings and some flumps about doing anything - you say you're working full time from home, does the work give you a sense of satisfaction?

Languid, I only actually work part-time freelance, but it's well paid so I can make enough to pay the bills and still have plenty of time off when I'm unmotivated/unable. I'm not working this week for example.

Work doesn't satisfy me at all although I'm sure a lot of people would kill to have such flexibility. I don't want to say exactly what I do for obvious reasons, but it is creative and I imagine a lot of people would love it.

Basically, I have zero motivation for anything, so much anxiety I don't really go out or do anything - apart from walking the dogs - ever. I don't enjoy anything, even stuff I used to love. I mean I used to love reading, but if I try to do that now, I can literally read a whole book without taking anything in!

I feel suicidal and I cry a lot. I feel hopeless and desperate and I do try to fight it but nothing sticks. So, no I have nothing to really look forward to or anything - I just exist.

I take it they've done blood tests to rule out any deficiency?

Actually I did meet a bloke who had depression for years, eventually it turns out he had a D3 deficiency and when this was fixed he scampered off like a squirrel.

I have struggled with depression for most of my life including a suicide attempt (cry for help really) which culminated in being sent to The Priory for 6 weeks (I was lucky that my work had great private health insurance and this covered the cost) followed by regular 'check-ups' there for a good 6 months or so. I ended up being off work for almost 2 years (which I never told my family - they still don't know). I have tried various meds and struggled to find one which worked for me without having crippling side effects.

Somehow, the group therapy I received at The Priory and the subsequent Harley St psychologist helped me out of the dark place I had been in for so many years. I didn't realise it at the time but the CBT really worked and I am very adept at recognising triggers myself now and dealing with them before things get too much for me.

It wasn't easy and it was a long journey to get to where I am today. I couldn't have done it without the help of professionals as I had very little support from friends and I never told my family.

I have 'relapsed' once when under great stress at work. I ended up being off work (different employer from Priory days) for 6 months then came back and took legal action against them for bullying (the bullying at work was the trigger for my relapse) and won. This time was a real struggle as I was living overseas in a country with an appalling track record for mental healthcare. Eventually after many failed attempts, I found an amazing GP who supported me through my relapse and helped me get back on track. My CBT from the Priory really stood me in good stead and I was off the anti-depressants within 9 months and back to my usual self. I started going to the gym 3 times a week during this time and it really helped.

That was 3 years ago. No depressive episodes since then. I have learnt what triggers me - usually work and/or relationship stress - and I take action now before it overwhelms me. Work is a challenge as a I work in a fairly stressful industry/role so I am careful to watch out for the signs that things are getting too much for me. I try to isolate work in my mind and work out if that is the sole reason for my black mood/lethargy etc or if it is a sign of impending depression and take action accordingly. Action has included resigning from a role that I knew was starting to tip me over the edge. Relationships I handle by staying single. Not the most mature approach but it works for me. I fear that my mental health couldn't cope with another relationship breakdown.

I eat healthily, I exercise regularly - always do it in the morning (even though I'm not a morning person) so lethargy and excuses can't set in. I have a pet. I push myself to do new things even if/when I feel uncomfortable. I have a job as a volunteer with animals (which I love) to balance out the Mon-Fri corporate dog-eat-dog world. I try to be mindful (I get the most joy from simple things such as walking on grass in bare feet). I take time out for myself when I am struggling and try to take regular breaks in the countryside to get away from the world. I am very self-reliant. It all contributes.

Mentally I am stronger than I ever have been. I have only had the one depressive episode (as I wrote above) in a decade now. However, I am aware that it is always a fine line we tread and I view depression a bit like alcoholism.....one slip could easily send me back. I am doing all I can to avoid that slip and it seems to be working so far.

OP, sending you big hugs and hoping you find a way out. It isn't easy but it is possible. I am proof of that. Be kind to yourself. xxx

Hello it doesnt seem to go away but it does get better. I had counselling went on online forums and help to chat. Read through other peoples stories who i could identify with. Getting out and about is awful especially with a lack of friends to combat this i set my own meetup group. You can access this online or by app there may be one in your area. Lots of ladies in my group have or are going through depression nd they have mentioned how the group has helped

Languid, yes being a vegan I had all of that stuff checked out and I thankfully don't have any deficiencies, I do take a few supplements as insurance though.

Hundred, I'm so glad things have worked out so well for you. I do try to keep on top of things. I meditate every day and I try to exercise whenever I can, but if I can't I at least walk the dogs twice a day. I'm vegan so I eat pretty healthily too. I don't know, it just seems like I try everything I can think of and it still has no effect. I will keep on trying though maybe one day it will all click, I've come to doubt that though!

Am three years into this. Am trying to remember recovery isn't linear - you'll have gains and reversals. I have just started reducing meds by a tiny amount. I'm not sure if I'm getting better- I'm not suicidal so that's a start. Bringing the dogs out is great - perhaps like me you might prefer your own company? I know what you mean re friends tho' . Here's a handhold and lets just deal with each day as it comes ...

Thanks Mammy I do prefer my own company, but I'd prefer not to be always alone I suppose. Good luck with the medication situation.

What worked for me was a combination of meds, my shrink was determined to throw everything at it till I was back on an even keel. I had:
1 x SNRI and 1 other antidepressant (Wellbutrin)
Meds for my total inability to concentrate/take anything in (vital for my work), it was basically like adult Ritalin
Sleeping pills (Ambien)

I was in another country at the time and had private healthcare. As my symptoms improved I was weaned off the different meds, now I am just on a v low maintenance dose of Venlafaxine and probably will be forever. I also had weekly therapy sessions.
I relapsed when pregnant and 6 sessions of CBT sorted me out.
I was very fortunate my doctor took an aggressive approach which was the right thing for me. Can you see a private shrink?

I have seen private shrinks my local NHS are pretty useless when it comes to mental health unfortunately so I didn't have much choice. I've tried a fair few medications and so far nothing has really helped. It's getting to the point where I'm reluctant to keep going back because I've spent thousands on various private treatments without success and my savings are rapidly depleting.

Do you come into contact with people through your work? Maybe it’s a lack of interaction that isnt helping ?

The other thing that's helped me a lot is travelling. Getting out of my home environment does wonders for my mental health. But that's probably not practical for you if you have dogs. I would love a pet but I know I want to keep travelling so that's something I've had to sacrifice.

I also think home environment is important. I had a decorating frenzy last year! (funnily enough when I started the combo meds!) and now my home is filled with bright colours and things that I love. So I feel happy being here.

Not really, contact is mostly via email. I'm sure it isn't helping although I did suffer when I still had people around too.

I really think that being around people you feel comfortable with for required amounts of time is so helpful.