Breaking up by text

[fishhavefeelingstoo]

I've been in a relationship for two years and it's been difficult at times. I'm unsure if I want to spend the rest of my life with him but am aware I'm struggling to think straight as I'm depressed. I need some time to think things through and be alone which he doesn't accept. I've tried to break up a couple of times but always go back to him ... I don't know why. Is it acceptable at all to break up with him by text if its the only way I can see it through because if I see him I think I'll crumble. I think it'll be better for me not to be with him because a lot of the time being with him makes me feel more down than ever.

He sounds controlling. You don’t want to be with him but every time you try to tell him he persuades you to go back to him.
He’s not helping your mental health .
Yes text him. Tell him that you don’t want to see him . Don’t fall into the ‘let’s have a break’ crap. It never works and just drags out the inevitable.
You sound like you really need some space. Tell him it’s over and spend some time working on you.
Good luck x

Thank you. I thought I'd be attacked I don't think he means to be controlling but sometimes it feels that way.

He'll want to know why ... I don't know how to explain that, it's just not making me happy, in fact the opposite sometimes. It's making me stressed. But its nothing huge, maybe it just doesn't feel right.

I don't think text is a good way to break up with someone you have been with for two years, unless they are actually abusive and you are worried for your safety?

Break up whatever way makes you more comfortable. However, it's not the breaking up that seems to be the issue. It's the staying broken up. The relationship sounds more like a habit, because you don't feel it's right/happy/healthy and yet you get back with him. Cut contact and you'll realise that being in a crap relationship is not better than being in no relationship.

He's not abusive. He just talks me round every time. I seem to be spineless or ridiculously pathetic ... I feel sorry for him I guess. He says he can't live without me, life isn't worth living, sometimes even that he'll kill himself. I feel like I've promised him something and I'm not keeping that promise of a life together.

He says he can't live without me, life isn't worth living, sometimes even that he'll kill himself. That is very much abusive. Walk away and stay away or this will drag on.

I know I do need to don't i?

I hadn't classed it as abusive. I feel responsible for him, I don't want to make him unhappy.

You’re not responsible for him. You are responsible for you. Stop putting his happiness above your mental health!

In these circumstances I would text. Then delete and block his number.

Break up by text. You don't owe him anything. Do it and move on

I know if i do it face to face or on the phone he'll talk me round, remind me what it was like early on, tell me he loves me and he just wants to spend the rest of his life with me, that he'll always love me. He has done before. But nothing changes. He doesn't respect my wishes, my need to do things without him sometimes. I know it's because he loves me and wants to spend time with me but I still need to see my friends without feeling guilty.

My ex didn’t me by text.

Went to work on morning and then just before home time for a text to say she wasn’t coming home (and neither were the kids)

I haven’t seen her, had any frurther text or email since. Only divorce papers from the lawyers. Not being able to discuss things and get proper closure is a killer. All changeovers for kids are being facilitated by family members as she won’t do it.

Together 24 years, married 21. I didn’t see it coming at all

Do you live together or have children?

If not, and he keeps talking you round (which sounds abusive, from what you describe) then do it by text.

You’ve tried to do it the decent way but he won’t let you. Now you have to do what’s best for you.

No, no kids and we don't live together.
I think I keep hanging on a bit because I want it to be what it promised to be in the beginning. But it isn't

I've texted him. I feel really sad and it's going to be hard but it was the right thing to do.

That's a completely different situation @Newsheet

sorry to hear that newssheet

Op, he is abusive, my ex did this to me and his next girlfriend. He made 2 piss poor attempts at "killing himself" (never in any actual danger) to guilt trip her into going back to him. I broke up with him on more occasions than I care to remember and he always got me to go back by threatening to kill himself, threatening me or my friends/family, saying he couldn't live without me etc. You get stuck in this unhealthy, horrible cycle and no matter how much you don't want to be a part of it they reel you back in.

It's extreme but I went abroad in the end. Told him whilst I was away then blocked him on absolutely every form of social media that I had and made it very clear the police would be called if he went anywhere near my friends or my home. Like so many bullies he was a coward. I've had one message from him since when he created a new social media account. I ignored it and blocked him. I appreciate going abroad isn't the answer but you need to tell him in whatever way you see fit, then block him from everything. Stay with a friend for a few days if you can so you can avoid him if he comes to your house. If he tries to see you, ask him to leave you alone, if he doesn't, call the police and tell him you're doing so. There is no way out of these situations other than to be brutal about it. You don't want to be friends with him, you don't want to be with him so cut him out of your life totally, don't give him the chance to worm his way back in. Honestly, the sense of freedom when you finally manage it is indescribable.

Thank you toast . I don't think of him like that :( He's a nice guy. But its not making me happy.
I have some of his stuff i need to hand back ...

I don't see anything wrong this OP,if he has made it difficult for you to end things with him face to face on several occasions. I ended up finishing a relationship by text 15 months ago. I had tried on 3 separate occasions to tell him to his face but he a) wouldn't accept it and b) started getting nasty and abusive towards me,despite the fact that we were in a public place. So in the end,after he had pushed me too far with his behaviour,I told by text that it was over. Of course,he started begging and pleading at first,then started getting nasty. But I just blocked him. The next time I saw him face to face I repeated what I'd said on the text and asked him to leave me alone. I said if he started being rude and abusive towards me again I would go to the police and report him. That seemed to do the trick.

He sounds very controlling and abusive and is blackmaikingnbyou with self harm threats to stay - that’s no relationship at all and I wouldn’t judge you in the slightest no matter which way you dumped him.

Meant to say also,that the sense of relief and freedom when I finally broke free from him was fantastic. Friends and family even commented that I seemed so much happier,I didn't seem like I had the worries of the world on my shoulders. I then realised just how much he had been dragging me down. I just regret wasting 4 years of my life on him.

You all think he's controlling?

Yes. By threatening suicide, he's manipulating you to control your behaviour. If you leave him he may kill himself=you don't leave through the fear he will do it. That's not a normal relationship.