Ectopic pregnancy

[mummylifesince17]

On the 7th of August I found out I was pregnant but knew something wasn’t right. I felt unwell and had such an excruciatingly sore back. I went to the doctor a week later after retesting and seeing that the clear blue week indicator was not budging from 1-2 week. I knew that something wasn’t right, I just knew I can’t explain it so I pushed for my HCG to be tested. At first the results showed promise the Dr said they hadn’t quite doubled but they were decent however I was advised to go to the EPU for repeat testing and possibly an early scan. They were also positive until they retested and saw my HCG had barely increased. I was told it was not viable. After repeating my bloods several times my levels were not falling but increasing by tiny amounts which was raising alarm bells. I had two internal ultrasounds a week a part to try to locate the pregnancy. Eventually they saw a shadow on my tube and diagnosed it as ectopic. I was told I would need methotrexate. The first dose didn’t work and I had to have a second. I felt pretty defeated by this point. 6 weeks 22 blood tests, a collapsed vein and 2 nicked nerves in my arm later and I’ve been discharged from treatment. A 3 month wait to try again and an empty feeling. Weekly trips to the hospital which were awful have stopped, life goes on yet I’m left wondering how the hell you get over this ordeal? I have a beautiful 16 month old daughter but I have no idea whether trying for another is reckless- one nurse shared she didn’t think I should take the risk.
I am somewhat lucky to have avoided surgery my heart goes to anyone that lost a tube but for anyone getting methotrexate my advice is to ensure you lay down for the injection. My first was given bending over a chair and it hurt (prob due to the muscle stretching) and I couldn’t sit down for 2 hours after. When lying down it was nippy but fine. Cut out high folic foods like leafy greens to limit anything that could get in the way of it working.
I was hoping that someone who had been through this could share how they felt and if you ever tried again? I feel a little lost as I don’t know anyone that has been through this. My husband has been great but he didn’t see it as a baby he tried to think more practically but for me it’s a loss.

Im really sorry that you have gone through this. My first pregnancy.was a twin ectopic one and I lost my left tube. I went on to have three children afterwards. Time is a great healer in this instance, you'll never forget the ordeal but it will get better. I am surprised that the nurse said that, there is usually no reason why you cannot try again.
I'd really recommend ectopic pregnancy trust. They have great information and support there through their website and forum and really helped me through the difficult time and through subsequent pregnancies. Many stories there also of women having healthy pregnancies after an ectopic.
I hope you are ok.x

I’ve been through it. It’s a pretty grim time and my heart goes out to you. I also had two doses of methotrexate but unfortunately it didn’t work so I had emergency surgery and lost a tube.

Be kind to yourself. Rest. Get counselling if you can/need it. There is an Ectopic Forum aswell that’s really good.

I remember really withdrawing from friends for a while as everybody (and I mean everybody) was popping out amazing second babies and my stupid body couldn’t even do pregnancy properly.

I was desperate to try again. We were lucky first time after the three months waiting. That pregnancy was hard, I didn’t believe it was going to be ok for a lot of months. But it was and the result is now 6 years old and asleep upstairs.

And time is genuinely a great healer. I remember that time as being very sad, but it is firmly in my past and no longer hurts.

Sorry for your experience OP it's awful. I had an ectopic but had to have surgery because my tube had ruptured. My DD1 was 14 months at the time and it was so difficult. Thankfully she wasn't really aware at the time. Time is definitely a healer. Although I haven't just forgotten about the pregnancy I have learnt to cope with it. I found counselling helped especially as my partner couldn't really understand what I was going through.

Try again when you are ready. I had DD2 quite a bit after she is now 8 months.

I also have a keep sake tin with 3 compartments of which I keep thinks from my DD1 birth, then the middle pictures they took in surgery of my pregnancy and love heart confetti, third all the stuff from DD2 birth. I feel like that really helped me as I felt the baby (although small still my baby ) was not forgotten and I still cry on the baby's due date and the day I had the surgery )

I had an ectopic pregnancy 4 years ago. DH and I had been trying trying for a baby for a year when it happened. I was initially told I’d miscarried, but when two weeks later, I was still getting positive hpts, they re-scanned me and saw the pregnancy in my left tube. I had methotrexate and it exhausted me.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’d also recommend ectopic pregnancy trust - the boards were so helpful for me whilst I tried to come to terms with everything.

We started trying again once our three months were up, but when we hadn’t conceived a further 12 months later, and with a diagnosis of unexplained infertility, we opted for ivf (our first round was a success and we have an almost three year old. We won’t be having any more!).

Thank you all so much for your kind responses and for sharing it is comforting knowing you aren’t alone-even when you don’t want to think that anyone else had to go through it. My heart breaks for you all each one is so sad.
It has been a rollercoaster of emotion, from that slither of hope with the first test to getting the first methotrexate injection and hoping it would be over to being told it hadn’t worked. I felt the same @RefuseTheLies I have been so tired yet I really struggle to actually get to sleep every night my mind races.
I was on the mini pill for 14 months whilst breastfeeding my daughter and they said if it was still in my system i would of had an increased risk of ectopic. I am trying to remain hopeful that was the cause so there was a reason and to give me hope for the future.
My closest friend that I met when I was pregnant told me she was pregnant just before I found out mine was ectopic and although I am so happy for her it is upsetting as we would of been due around the same time. Both are children the same ages,sadly mine wasn’t to be.
My husband is a lot more practical he didn’t see it as a baby I don’t think he would allow himself too but I certainly feel like I’ve lost something. I guess it just takes time to process and move forward.
It is lovely to hear so many have gone on to healthy pregnancies I can imagine it must have been stressful to do so but so worth it. I think the nurse was sharing her personal opinion but probably shouldn’t of. I’ve met a few tactless ones over the course of treatment including the ultrasound tech who told me ‘miscarriage etc are all so common honestly it happens all the time’. It was a little ill timed when I was on my own weeping over her insistence I look at the shadow in my tube. There have of course been lovely ones too. It somehow made it more real to go the hospital, at least what I was going through was acknowledged but when the phone call came to say I’ve finished treatment I did wonder who I could speak to. I have only confided in my mum and a couple of good friends. All trying to remain supportive but they don’t really understand it.
Thanks again for taking the time to share with me. I am not really sure how to reply properly to you all individually but know I have read and appreciated everyone of the responses xx

Mind yourself mummy and definitely try the ectopic pregnancy trust. PM me anytime.xx

I've had 2 and lost both tubes but went on to have kids via ivf.

It's shit and I found because it was so medical (blood tests, scans, surgery etc etc) people overlook the pregnancy loss.

My dh was like yours too which was quite difficult so do keep talking to people.

I lost my tube, I was too far gone to have methotrexate. It ruptured while they were waiting for results and arranging surgery. All very traumatic, which I didn’t recognise in the immediate aftermath. It was in the following weeks that I could comprehend what had happened.

Talking helped. Opening up to friends meant they opened up to me. More people than you realise have been through ectopics and miscarriages but unfortunately it’s still a bit of a taboo subject. I found being honest with friends cathartic as I could offload a bit at a time when it was too raw to be able to talk to my partner.

I’m pleased to tell you I went on to have two DCs with no need for IVF despite being told I may need it.

Please give yourself time to heal physically, and more importantly, emotionally.

Cherish the good times with your DD. She’s still very young. They grow up so quickly. You’ve got plenty of time to work through this and try again at some point down the line.

It never leaves you, but you learn to live with it. It still hurts, but not as often. It’s all-consuming in the immediate aftermath but slowly you stop blaming yourself, stop asking why me. Be kind to yourself, relax, let your body recover and hold your DD a little tighter.

Not ectopic but I had a miscarriage that lasted months and months.

I was pregnant and got to 15 weeks when I suddenly knew something was wrong, I had already had my 12 weeks scan so had to go privately for a scan that showed the baby's heart stopped beating the week before.

I then was induced and I had the baby cremated but it didn't end there (as if that wasn't bad enough).
I then had what they thought to be retained products. So countless trips to hospital and extra scans and all I wanted to do was bloody move on from it all.
They wanted to do a D&C to make sure the placenta had all come away. The day of the surgery id been experiencing pain in my side for weeks and persuaded the surgeon to do a laparoscopic procedure where hey saw my ovary had a large cyst and the weight of it had been twisting my ovary.
A torsion.
Had I not persuaded them to look, I may well have lost my tube.
The 'retained product' thing carried on for weeks afterwards still after which I told them I had heavy periods so let's just put what they keep seeing down to the that (which is a very real possibility) fast forward a few more weeks (and almost a year to the day when I found out I was pregnant), I found out I was pregnant again.

I'm now 27 weeks.

I say, let your emotions heal and settle because all that intervention interrupts your grief. And then try again if you feel ok with it.
I'm sorry for your loss.

My first pregnancy was ectopic, and I lost my right tube. I went on to have my 2DDs with no problems. Just give yourself some time. Sorry for your loss 💐

I had a similar experience to yours. 3 months later I conceived my DD who is nearly 1. In fact her birthday is the day after I had the methotrexate injection the previous year.

It is a horrible experience. But I was told that since I’d had no problems with my DS (who is now 3) that another ectopic was not likely.

However I was told to get an appointment as soon as I knew I was pregnant afterwards to confirm it wasn’t another ectopic. I had an ultrasound at 5.5 weeks. I think once you’ve been through a miscarriage that future pregnancies are all very stressful, but they should be able to rule out ectopic extremely quickly so that does help a bit.

I had an ectopic last year and had surgery on my right tube to remove it, as I was too far gone for the drugs to have any effect. I don’t think I realised how serious it could have been and that if it had ruptured, what could have happened. All I could focus on was the fact I had lost a baby - although my DH kept saying it wasn’t one and that I was focusing on the wrong thing.

I’m so sorry you had to go through this, but as PP have said, time really is a great healer. I didn’t believe my consultant when he said I definitely could go on to have another pregnancy but the result is a snuggly 4 month old baby brother for my DD - he is lying feeding on me as I type! Lots of love and gentle hugs OP. You will heal and get through this. 💖

I had a ruptured ectopic and lost my left tube. It was such a traumatic experience; collapsing in agonising pain and being taken to hospital in an ambulance for emergency surgery, that it was a week before the emotion of the pregnancy loss hit me. DH couldn't understand why I was suddenly so upset; his concerns had been all about me as I nearly died with the blood loss. He hadn't really considered the effect of the pregnancy loss.
7 months later I found out I was pregnant again. It went smoothly and DS has just started school.
The experience was horrendous, and the pain was the worst I've experienced. I'll never 'get over' it (a major reason why we have only one DC) but time helps.
Give yourself time to grieve and to heal mentally and physically. You can try again if and when you feel ready to.