Son in timeout at school

[cjt110]

He's just started reception, turned 4 in August.

Previously had on/off issues through nursery of time outs, pushes, hits etc. Hoped he had left this behind.

DH messaged to say DS had been "a naughty boy today and made Mrs M cross. He had been hitting and pushing and put in time out. He hadn't had kind hands all day"

DH said Mrs M caught DH at pick up and told DH about the above. I asked DH did we need to do anything and he said no, Mrs M was just telling us in case DS told us.

DH said that he believes DS knows he's done wrong so I have said to leave it be and not go over it at home.

I'm so embarrassed. What do we do?

Can certainly chat it through with DS, feelings, appropriate behaviours, kindness etc. Certainly wouldn't be punishing him again at home.

If it happens again then maybe a chat with the teacher to work on strategies to deal with it.

I don't know precisely what has gone on - and I'm not sure DH does either.

Do I ask DS what has happened and then ask about feelings etc?

Agree no punishing at home but reinforce kind hands.

Speech okay? I ask because impulsiveness, pushing, grabbing, biting etc ime often go hand in hand with a speech delay. Speech catches up, incidents lessen ime because negotiations become easier.

Have a pat to your arm, starting school is sometimes a bit wearing on the old nerves.

Flibberty I would say yes, but I do agree that in the past, his incidents of hitting/pushing/biting have surrounded frustration - at not wanting to have that toy taken away etc.

Should I have a quick word with his teacher at drop off tomorrow? The whole school environment is so different to nursery or us - I don't want to be seen as that parent always speaking with the teacher but I also don't want them to think equally that we don't care if our child has been misbehaving....

I would try and arrange a meeting ASAP actually. It's not as though this is a new thing, so best to try and deal with it early on I think. Were there any strategies that worked at nursery? In the meantime I would speak with DS and find out what happened from his point of view. I probably wouldn't punish again at this age, but I would make it very clear that you are displeased with his behaviour. I think it's really important to back school up with things like this.

He's an August born so is also in the class with kids almost a year older than him who are noticeably more mature/developed than him...

reallybadidea With nursery, it was always DS and a particular child. They were as bad as one another - best friends one moment, then pushing etc the next. Nursery did time out and explained kind hands etc and would separate them until they played nicely together again.

Agree no need to punish again at home. I would speak to him gently in a non confrontational 'what happened, tell me about it' kind of way but tbh he may not even remember properly. He had a tricky day and probably still settling in to school. If it happens again then think about a chat with the teacher and what might be causing him to do this. Could it be rough super hero play and he goes too far? Or is it altercations over toys?

Could it be rough super hero play and he goes too far? Or is it altercations over toys? This is very possible.

Plus, he can be tricky when he's tired and he did complain of being tired this morning. He has been waking in the night with bad dreams since starting school. He woke at about 4ish last night and a few nights previously.