I'm so tired I just..

[greenjojocat]

.. polished half of the living room furniture with Raid fly spray before I realised I'd got the wrong can

What have you done in a state of 3am toddler wake-up tiredness??

Went for a pee without putting the lid up at work - thankfully my pelvic floor was still working even if my brain wasn't.

Breathed out on a teaspoon full of ground cinnamon - it really goes everywhere.

I fell asleep mid-sentence last week. I was talking to my DH and it was only around 5.30pm. Nodded right off while I was chatting.

Put the dirty washing in the kitchen bin

Cup of tea in the fridge (instead of the milk)

i'll think of more....

The cash machine ate my bank card. I had a total melt down, walked all the way home without the shopping I was going to get and cancelled my card. A few days later I looked in my purse for something else and guess what was There? The machine hadn't eaten it at all I had taken it along with the cash and put it back.

Oh iv thought of another one. My drier is in my garage. I went to put what felt like the hundredth load of the day in and walked back on autopilot. Let myself in to the house, took my shoes off and thought oh we have a visitor that scarf wasn't there when I left (2 mins before) I then realised the walls and carpet also looked very different. I was in my next door neighbours house!!! I just scurried out and went home

Poured the teapot contents on my cornflakes.
Put my car keys in the fridge.
Tried to open the front door with the car remote lock fob. Took a few seconds to register the problem.

All these over a few years. But the worst, after a week of the tummy bug and teething baby from hell....Fallen asleep in a staff meeting, only to wake myself with a start as I drooled down my own face.

Shit, that was a horrendous week.

Fell vertically down, flat on my face, with a full bowl of rice crispies and milk in my hand. Knocked myself out unconscious. Broke my nose.

I’m laughing at the peg bag on the school run and going in to your neighbour’s house thinking it’s your own..

I did get in the wrong car last week.. lady shouted at me but it was a very similar car!

Taken off eye make up with nail varnish remover!

I know I am Tired when I try and open the front door with the key beeper.... more than once

Oh and left the house, on a inner city busy pad, leaving the front door wide open, the car door wide open and walked off pushing pram. Thought we have been broken into when we arrived back about 4 hours later!

I decided to make a cheese and potato pie. I was very tired. I grated the cheese. Then I drained the boiled potatoes. I got my masher and started to mash. I then looked and thought “blimey there not enough here for a pie”. Then I looked again - I had been mashing into the colander and the mashed potato was all down the front of my clothes and on the floor............

Put rubbish into the washing machine, went out without a bra on, worn 2 odd shoes, ran out of petrol as I just couldn’t be bothered to get out and put some in... ds was/is a bad sleeper!

DS has 6 scoops of formula in his bottle. I often struggle counting to 6 with my poor sleep deprived brain and have to start again half way through.

Put coffee in a cup and while waiting for the kettle to boil put a tea bag in the same cup! Was only making one drink.

Doing my online supermarket shopping I ordered one sprout. It was 4p.

Made a coffee last night and put the cannister in the fridge.

Went to put grill pan with bacon under the gril.Couldn’t work out why it wouldn’t fit. I was trying to get it in the washing machine.

When the microwave pings I often open the cupboard door above it and wonder what I wanted from there.

I did the miscounting of formula scoops many, many times!

I also fell asleep mid blow job once, DH gently suggested maybe I was probably more tired than I thought I was gutted though, first time since the birth! The spirit was willing but the flesh was weak as they say

I was getting a rare treat of a manicure yesterday. Had my hands soaking in the little bowls, the lady had gone to make me a much needed coffee and when she came back I’d fallen asleep with my head on the table (hands still in the bowl!!) and was snoring!!

Thought my car key fob was broken as the car wouldn't unlock. Stood pressing and pressing. Obviously I was trying to open someone else's car. In my defence it was a very boring people carrier and they all look the same, and I was knackered.

Trying to put something in the fridge, cursing whoever stacked the fridge so badly that nothing else would fit in. Firstly, it was me who stacked the fridge, secondly, the kettle does not live there.

Bent down to check the DC's shitty nuggets in the oven. Apparently we cook them in the washing machine. I swear I could take over the world. As it is, my DC are trying to kill me with sleep deprivation.