What does self-care mean to you?

[CabbagePatchCheryl]

I'm in a very busy, stressful place at the mo (short version: work, caring responsibilities for a v poorly parent, adoption assessment - ugh) and whilst I don't feel toooooo bad mental health-wise I am conscious I need to be quite gentle with myself. Otherwise I will end up an unwashed, sleep-deprived, overweight, wine-pickled mess.

I'm not sure I've ever really got to grips with the idea of self-care. I've always kinda thought of it as bubble baths and manicures etc. Nowt wrong with those, but curious what other people do to care for themselves? I saw an article on The Pool today which said "wash your sheets" and I thought, yes! I've been trying to tell myself that an immaculately tidy house is a luxury I can't afford with all my responsibilities but actually it's what I WANT and it makes me feel good, so perhaps I can prioritise that as a form of self-care.

So, would you tell me what you do to nurture yourself and stop the world getting too much? TIA

Like you, I thought it was all about bubble baths and spa days but I've started doing tiny things and they make a big difference.

I make sure to have 15 minutes to read before bed so that I can decompress and switch off - I'm sleeping much better. I love the scent of lavender so have bought a couple of candles and plants for the house. I've also got a lovely moisturiser which I enjoy on my face before bed.

Try to notice next time you feel relaxed and think what it is that is creating that feeling.

For me it's partly the grooming side of things as I feel so much better with clean hair and a bit of makeup. But for me it's much much more than that, it's about stopping and taking a breath, trying to find something positive in the day, thinking to myself I'm really enjoying this. It can be something like the other morning I took my car skip to be cleaned and went and had a coffee alone and in peace and just people watched I just sat really still and was just in the moment, no phone, no planning what I needed to do next just being.
Reading that back it sounds a bit cliched but I'm really finding it helpful at the moment.

To me self care is apart hygiene and grooming, taking the time to listen to what your body is saying to you.
I don't mean that in a hippy way but things like why are you grinding your teeth, are you feeling apprehensive? Are you muscles tight and clenched, that kind of thing.
Also looking after yourself in the right way, eating nourishing food, sleeping well, being curious, taking exercise, having things to look forward to, having things around you that makes you happy, smelling nice, wearing clothes that feel good on you, having people around you that care about you and make you happy, having goals to achieve ( they don't have to be massive or ambitious, just something you would like to achieve) to me, that's all about good self care.

in times like that, stressful and busy I just try to keep it together and not go feral. basic grooming and I buy a bunch of lovely new bath and shower products to give me that extra boost to go and look after myself a bit and test out my new things.

audiobooks, sleep, no alcohol, nice food - all works for me

Oof yeah feral would describe me today. Just snuck out to put bins out before my neighbours start getting home from work cos I’m in pjs with toothpaste down the front, haven’t washed my hair (or indeed myself). Just trying to do a mountain of ironing, stressing about aforementioned parent and eating meals entirely consisting of cheese. Fortunately I haven’t got any wine in the house or I’d be submerged in a vat of it. See? Self care it ain’t!

I understand it to mean time for me. Doing whatever I want. Preferably alone!

delph I’m with you! But what I WANT to do (spend 12 hours on the sofa with the cat, a box set and a carb-and-wine based diet) is probably not a) super healthy or enriching and b) feasible, if and when a small person comes our way. I guess I’m trying to expand my ideas of what might be helpful so I have more options.

My Pilates class. It helps my body - sorts out my aches and pains and it helps my mind. All the deep breathing- I switch off my anxious mind totally at a class.

For me it's going for a run or a walk, something that takes me away from all the other stuff for a short time and gets me a bit of fresh air and exercise.

For me it’s making sure that I get outside every day for a brisk walk. I feel so much better if I just manage to do that.

If you’re a person of faith then prayer can help, or if not then meditation or relaxation (there are some great apps for this). Taking a little time to do something you enjoy. Eating well, but having a nice treat if you fancy as well. Getting enough sleep. A long shower or soak in the bath. Wearing something that looks nice but feels comfy. Putting some makeup on. Spending time with people that make me smile (and avoiding those that bring me down!) Taking a moment to be thankful for what I have.

ive just told my Dh & dc's I am having an evening of self care - they all asked what that means : I told them it means me not working ( I work long hours In a stressful job and usually in the evening too) having a bath and watching bake off. so far im in my pj's and cozy dressing gown lying on my bed! i like the ideas ive read on here too. im new to this self care thing like the op - always on the treadmill of work/looking after dc's mum/ home - im getting off it tonight !

For me, it's sticking to the things that will keep me on an even keel. If I get too tired or stressed I can end up depressed and anxious. I know that for me, self care means:

Watching my alcohol intake - none during the week and moderate at the weekend. Even a very light hangover makes me depressed and I'll struggle to cope.

Follow a regular bedtime routine that's includes an earlyish shower, watching something with DH on telly and then off to bed with a book. I recently worked out that I need to stop drinking liquid at around 9pm - otherwise, I'll be up all night!

Staying active.

Staying organised and keeping to a general routine.

These are all excellent! I’ve been making a list which includes gardening, cooking, reading, having nice hair and nails and reading. I basically do NONE of these at the mo. So I suppose subsidiary question - how do you carve out time/space for your self-care things? Any tips?

@Cabbagepatchcheryl my dc’s are older, so it’s easier to get time to myself. But when they’re little it would probably be when they’re in bed. Or if you are a lone parent on the nrp’s contact time. Or if you woh making sure to take a proper lunch break. I guess it’s prioritising - you can’t pour from an empty cup. xx

I undertake the following self care:

• Run/HIIT/strength train x 6 times a week at 5am (and watch the sunrise at the same time)
• No sugar/processed foods/alcohol/grains/crap carbs etc.
• Meditation and gratitude practise.
• Hair keratined every 8 weeks
• Ignore my work emails from the minute I walk in the door until after my kids are in bed.
• Listen to podcasts. My newest obsession is The School of Greatness which I start jonesing for about 3 hours after I finish an episode. Eye opening.

I don't get my nails done or have spa days (not regularly anyway) - to me, self-care is not just physically looking after myself, it is also looking after myself mentally, and spending time on my well being and health so that I can enjoy my life fully.
(Disclaimer: I may not eat processed foods/sugar/carbs/alcohol but I don't force it on my family. My kids/husband still eat plenty of the stuff, but I just don't because I feel so amazing without it - no moral superiority just in case anyone assumed I'm a total sugar bore ).

For me (and this may seem random) it is alone time and cutting down on seeing people who drain all my energy. Like the toxic person at work or sadly not taking a draining phone call from my dm.