Can I get a bit of a handhold even though I'm being pathetic?

[NameChangeyMcChangerson]

Just tried to take my two month old to a baby and toddlers group. Felt like a plonker from the off because he was the youngest by far and obviously not interested in playing - and then when I tried to talk to the other mums of babies in the special baby area they completely ignored me. I cried all the walk home. I know I'm being pathetic but I just feel a bit lonely and I miss work and I just wanted to get out the house. In my previous life I had friends and seemed well liked but I always feel like the odd one out in mum life and I don't know why

Oh that's rubbish OP. The easiest thing to do might be to try to find a group specifically for babies, ideally that involve some sort of activity such as baby sensory, a music group or similar.

Mums & tots or other 'freestyle' groups can be a bit cliquey but if you're with similar aged babies and engaged in an activity rather than just people chatting then it's much easier.

Don't be put off, you'll find the right thing soon enough.

Find another group or find something you like that is adaptable to baby for now. Local guided walks or local museums? I’m guessing it’s your first - a much wanted baby can still be a big shock. Go easy on yourself.

I totally sympathise! I was the lone Mum initially at all these things. I found it hard to infiltrate ‘cliquey’ groups. I just carried on going (for my daughters sake) and finally another lone Mum turned up and I befriended her.

It’s hard but persevere. Ultimately it’s for your son that you are going so don’t worry about those other Mums. Enjoy watching your son learn to socialise and the new experiences it brings him.

I've tried a few things and while this one was the worst it never seems to go well so I think it's me . A lot of people seem to go in groups of people they already know (wish I'd done NCT now!) and I always seem to end up stood on my own with DS at the edges. I've never really struggled socially before - though I guess my social life has been all either very old (university) or work friends for a long time now - but I just feel like I can't do it now and I don't know why

I don't have children yet, but please don't feel bad. You sound lovely and they're just rude and unpleasant.

Where I live (Lancashire) there's a lot of baby yoga and fitness classes where women can take the baby with them. Is there anything like that local to you?

I would suggest going to baby groups. Look for things like baby massage, baby sensory etc. Also if you have a children’s centre thy may do things. Basically I found you just have to go to these things, plaster on a big smile and be chatty with everyone. Not everyone will want to engage but some will be in the same boat. Also look on Facebook at local groups. You can always post on local groups for other mums of young babies who might want to meet for coffee. Basically you have to be very proactive but you will get there.

I'm exactly the same OP, yet to find a group to have a decent conversation with someone and I'm 8 months in.

Harder at the moment as my twins like to crawl in opposite directions.

I second the going to scheduled groups. We go to a music class where at least I get to talk to people even though I doubt I will meet friends for life at them - do be mindful that even going to these, there do tend to be cliquey mums attending together too.

I do go to baby sensory but no one seems to speak to anyone they don't already know there (though we are only two weeks in), and most of the women seem to already know people. I can't really afford to do any more of the scheduled activities, which are expensive (baby sensory is £11 a pop, so a couple more of those would really add up), so was hoping I'd be able to go to a couple of church hall groups each week but so far they've gone really badly - the last one was better, but only really because one of the elderly volunteers (who was really lovely) took pity on me and sat chatting to me for the whole seasion after I'd failed to get beyond 'how old is your child/what's their name' with several different people and was stood around looking awkward.

OP, this could have been me writing this post. I didn't go to NCT either and got quite lonely being at home all day with a newborn. I joined a few groups but every time I felt like I was on the outside of a clique. None of the mums would talk to me and some of them even talked across me which (being hormonal at the time) made me really upset. I used to go home afterwards and cry, and then i stopped going altogether.

My newborn is now 11 months old and it has become less lonely as he's started doing more and racing around all over the place. I'm going back to work next week and my main reason is the loneliness, otherwise I would probably have become a sahm.

Oh sweetie. That's poo. I think that sometimes new mums are a bit brain addled. You did nothing wrong, sounds like the other mums were bloody rude and unkind - if they're on hereand reading this then "Shame on you!"

Just keep going to things. You'll strike up friendships in all sorts of places.

Thank you for the handholds - it's nice to know it's not just me! I'll keep on trying, but was just a bit knocked by how low it made me feel. Like I said I haven't had that 'no one likes me' feeling for years (lucky me, I guess!)