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DH using kik to chat to woman

15 replies

ExFury · 25/09/2018 05:17

DH has always run two phones as he has one for work then his own personal phone. Nothing suspicious in that and he occasionally leaves his own phone at home (unplanned) as he barely uses it except for social media and the likes that he can’t do on his work phone. Yesterday he managed to forget his work phone (he’s away overnight as he always is on a Monday - I know where he is) so I answered a few calls for him, just from work colleagues to, to tell them to get him on his own phone. He was a little twitchy about it saying he’d email everyone and just to turn it off, but I didn’t really think anything of it. Then a Kik notification appeared. Nothing outrageous or anything, just a “Good morning you”. Seemed a bit odd to me so opened the app and turns out the only people he had on there are two women. One who he hasn’t spoken to since May and seemed to be a one off chat about their lives. Totally weird and general chit chat. The other one though he talks too every day. And multiple times a day. About his work, her work, even the fucking weather (she lives hundreds of miles away). They also clearly talk on th phone when he’s driving (he drives a lot for work). There’s nothing overtly sexual in it, a bit flirty which is his character a bit, but I’m gutted. It’s every single day. There’s no explaining that is there? Everything I can see online suggests kik is well used for affairs.

OP posts:
ExFury · 25/09/2018 05:18

I don’t know what happened to paragraphs sorry.

OP posts:
Doublevodka · 25/09/2018 05:48

Mumsnet has stopped paragraphs for some reason. There is a thread about it. I completely understand you are upset about this. It's inappropriate. It sounds like it could be more of an emotional affair which I would find just as upsetting as something more sexual. You need to speak to him about this otherwise it will just eat away at you. Good luck.

AsleepAllDay · 25/09/2018 05:50

Emotional affair

MrMeeseekscando · 25/09/2018 06:04

I'm sorry, kik is not an innocent chat app. I'm on there (Single I'd like to add!!) It's all about hook ups and flirting. X

ExFury · 25/09/2018 07:11

Going through his phone history lots seems to have been deleted but a couple of times when the message from his says that he’s in the car he gets a long phone call from the sane number. Shit. None of his work calls last an hour. And the only long ones are from stored numbers. Clients only call him briefly, he always calls them. He’s actually done this. He’s having some sort of fucking affair. And he’s away at least two nights a week with work staying in hotels and I only join him every now and again so Christ knows what he’s been up to. How could he do this to us. Fuck.

OP posts:
Emmageddon · 25/09/2018 07:20

Ah shit. He's emotionally cheating if nothing else. I wonder if she realises he's married? Confront him about it.

ExFury · 25/09/2018 15:34

He’ll be home soon and I’ve no idea how to approach it.

I’ve read as far back as I can and it’s wrecked me. He talks to her about everything. Even things he’s never talked to me about. He doesn’t all about me, but she referenced me a couple of times so she knows. He talks about the kids. They way he talks about the kids is making me feel sick. Same as he’d talk to me. Even down to how worried he was when my DDs train was cancelled and she had to negotiate a different route home alone for the first time.

I don’t even know what to say to him. I’m not sure if he’s met her but I don’t know if it matters. He’s so open with her. He’s not a talker at all. Yet there is he spilling all his thoughts to someone.

And the kids are all here tonight. My two and his one. All teens. All hawk eared. So they’ll know right away. What do I even tell them? How could he do this to them.

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MistressDeeCee · 25/09/2018 15:43

Sorry OP

But whilst you're thinking this out, screenshot all the messages. Don't give him a chance to delete them and then claim you didn't see what you saw.

In your shoes I'd do that well before approaching him. I'd find the fact that he's not a talker with me but is very open with her including spilling out all his thoughts very hurtful. It's a betrayal no matter what . Id perhaps say different if their friendship was based on knowing each other for many years

Don't be afraid to raise it with him - why should you be, you haven't done wrong he has
💐

GlassHeart1 · 25/09/2018 15:46

Male fantasy?

Maybe EA, maybe just another pair of ears/long distance friendship.

I have read a few books about RL affairs and guys seem to be like that, they share personal info far too easily.

I doubt he met her, bet he is just fantasising really.

Cloudyapples · 25/09/2018 15:47

I’d be calling her up asking what’s going on - not like she can then warn him seeing as you have the phone he communicates with her through.

Bingisatwat · 25/09/2018 15:53

So sorry you're going through this, sounds like a definite emotional affair at the very least.
Good idea to screenshot everything now, you can bet he'll be deleting it all as soon as he gets in.

ExFury · 26/09/2018 16:38

I’ve taken screenshots.

It’s definitely and emotional affair. Apparently she’s just easy to talk to. So told him to fuck off and talk to her.

He’s gone to his mums for a few days while I think over what he’s done and the conversation we had yesterday.

I’m just numb.

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DixieFlatline · 26/09/2018 16:50

So sorry OP. If all he wanted was someone to talk with like that, he could invest that time and energy in conversing with you and building that kind of a bond with you (if it genuinely wasn't there already, that is). Instead, that has little chance of happening, as he's meeting those needs elsewhere. He's able to justify his actions by claiming your relationship doesn't include that kind of connection, while allowing anything resembling that connection between the two of you to atrophy as he's decided to spend his time and energy cultivating it with someone else. This is very selfish behaviour as it impacts your relationship regardless of his original intentions.

ExFury · 27/09/2018 04:16

Apparently it’s nothing to do with me, we do have a good connection and have always talked well. She’s just easy to talk to in a way he’s never had with anyone before.

He cried and that just made me want to slap him. Which I know isn’t acceptable but I was so hurt and angry.

10 years thrown away just like that because some woman from the Internet is easy to talk too.

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Hidingtonothing · 27/09/2018 05:12

That’s the worst of it isn’t it, they throw away so much for so very little. And then often seem surprised at the position they find themselves in, almost like they don’t understand how they got there. I’m so sorry he’s done this to you OP, what an absolute idiot he is Sad

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