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Original poster

Fuck. Chemo patient and her hair

34 replies

MotherForkinShirtBalls · 24/09/2018 20:30

I think I screwed up massively today. I bumped into someone I haven't seen in a couple of years, but I had heard she was going though cancer treatment. I was in a world of my own when she stopped me so it took me a second to realise who she was. Without thinking I said, 'sorry, I didn't recognise you, your hair is much longer than when I last saw you!' It dawned on me about 3 mins later while we were still talking and she said that her chemo had been really tough, that she might have been wearing a wig. Now I feel like I probably mentioned the one thing she really didn't want anyone to notice. I don't have a number to text to apologise, but it would probably just compound the crapness if I did anyway. Fuck it anyway.

OP posts:
PeachyKeenJellymonster · 24/09/2018 20:31

No you were honest and normal and she probably was relived your we're not fake or beating around the bush

Croatoan · 24/09/2018 20:32

Maybe she took it as a compliment that it looked so realistic? Try not to worry x

Harrykanesrightsock · 24/09/2018 20:33

Don’t worry. I overthink these things too. If someone has ever said a faux pas to me I usually feel sorry for them and hope they don’t beat themselves up about it.

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DolorestheNewt · 24/09/2018 20:33

Oh dear! Try to park it and not worry any more. What's done is done, and she is probably thinking "dozy bat, couldn't she see it's a wig!" I'm sure she totally realises that when people are caught off guard, they might say the wrong thing.

Luvly12 · 24/09/2018 20:34

She's probably delighted her wig looked realistic Smile

Original poster
MotherForkinShirtBalls · 24/09/2018 20:36

The thing is, it was a really good wig! She really did look like her hair was just longer and a few shades darker than the last time I saw her. I just hope she's not dwelling on it like I am

OP posts:
Bobbiepin · 24/09/2018 20:37

Better than saying "Ooh you look like shit, chemo must be rough" or gone over the top on sympathy. Sometimes all people going through treatment want is a bit of normality. I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

sleepyhead · 24/09/2018 20:38

When my mum was having chemo an acquaintance came up to her and waxed lyrical about her AMAZING hair and how it made her look so much younger.

Yep, wig.

My mum thought it was funny. To be fair it was an absolutely cracking wig and did really suit her.

Eve · 24/09/2018 20:42

@sleephead i’ve Done that to a work colleague I hadn’t seen for a while , told her how great the new hairstyle looked. When she told me it was a big and she had breast cancer WAs mortified!! She was fine about it.

Jjacobb · 24/09/2018 20:42

Maybe it was her own hair, not all chemo patients lose their hair.

Buggeroffalo · 24/09/2018 20:42

I’m having chemo and have no hair atm. I don’t often wear my wig because OMG fuck being hot and itchy, but honestly I wouldn’t give a shit. Trust me people say far far worse!

Knittedfairies · 24/09/2018 20:43

You’re over-thinking this. It would have been much worse if you’d said something about her wig...

Movablefeast · 24/09/2018 20:46

I am also having chemo and just have a few strands on my noggin! To be honest I wouldn’t give a monkeys, especially if someone was giving me a compliment, I am just happy to be alive and I’m sure she feels the same!

MyNameIsNotSteven · 24/09/2018 20:48

Look, it's not as bad as my clanger when I offered to pick up a specific, hard-to-find food for someone with incurable cancer 'if you're not sick to death of it by then'. I couldn't believe that came out of my mouth but it was just a normal figure of speech and entirely unintentional. She'll know, I'm sure, that I absolutely didn't intend to hurt her.

Don't beat yourself up.

Hopeandgloryeverafter · 24/09/2018 20:48

You can bet good money that if you’re stressing about it then she hasn’t given it a second thought. If that were me I’d be thrilled that to hadn’t realised it was a wig! Equally, are you sure she lost her hair? I didn’t when I had chemo and my hair was very long at the time. My chemo was very rough too, so it’s not necessarily the dosage you have but the drugs you’re given. In my newfound old age I now tell people straight up when they’ve put their foot in it. I don’t give it a second thought but I delight in their squirming and hope it stops them replaying it for the next month!

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 24/09/2018 20:52

I was having chemo and went into my office wearing my wig. Later I learned that one of my collegues wanted to say how good I looked but didn't dare. I would have been so happy about a compliment or something nice - fake hair or not.

Original poster
MotherForkinShirtBalls · 24/09/2018 20:56

Honestly, I've no idea if she lost her hair. She said the chemo had been very rough but maybe it was more that she was sick with it. Thanks for the reassurances about my idiocy. She's a lovely person so I just really hope I haven't upset her. Flowers to all of you who have been though chemo and other therapies.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 24/09/2018 20:59

Her hair was longer.

Wolfiefan · 24/09/2018 21:01

Stupid phone!! Posted too soon. So you were being factual and not rude. You didn’t say you didn’t recognise her in her wig (whether it was or not). I’m sure she was just happy to see you and have a “normal” conversation.

MapleSyrupIsTheAnswer · 24/09/2018 21:04

I went out with someone I hadn’t seen for a while and complimented them on their new haircut. It was a wig and she was undergoing chemo. I felt dreadful but I meant it her hair did look great

DuchessThingy · 24/09/2018 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andro · 24/09/2018 21:16

I have a very close friend who has end-stage cancer, when someone she hadn't seen in ages complemented her on her new hairstyle it made her day (yes, it was a wig...but damn did it suit her! She looked stunning.). Don't over think it, chances are she's glad you saw 'her' not 'a cancer patient'.

VQ1970 · 24/09/2018 21:19

I did similar to a friend. I knew she was going through chemo and went for a visit. At this point, I didn’t know she’d lost any hair so when I saw her, I told her how fab her hair looked thinking she’d changed her own hair subtly and she was delighted to tell me it was a wig. She was really pleased that I hadn’t realised it was a wig and thought it was her own hair. It gave her more confidence wearing it.

HyggeHeart · 24/09/2018 21:23

if this has happened to my friend who's undergoing chemo at the moment she would have been delighted that you treated her normally and loved that you thought the wig was real, and probably had us all giggling about it 😊. You probably cheered her up! So much better than the sympathy face and arm rub that you get from most people when you have cancer.

DBN1 · 24/09/2018 21:24

I lost my hair through chemo' and it started growing back 18 months ago. I didn't wear a wig (loved being bald and the shortness of regrowth, when it came). I would definitely not have felt insulted/embarrassed/what ever if someone commented on my situation.I'm sure you're over thinking it. Relax and just be there to help, if you can Flowers