Help with teenage step daughter please

[Xxxaxa]

Hello,
My partner has an 18 year old daughter who is violent to her dad and has a history of drug abuse. She hits loads of markers for a sociopath. This is a problem but not my immediate one. The daughter has put me forward as a referee for a job. She has been sacked from her last 5 jobs for various reasons but mostly for her inability to turn up on time so can't use any of her past employers. My partner and I feel having a job would do her the world of good but I can't put my hand on my heart and give her a good reference. The job is in the care sector looking after old people.
I've been sent a form by the perspective employer to fill in and for my 'step daughter' to get the job I will have to lie. If I don't do it I feel I will be letting my partner down and his daughter but she needs to sort her behaviour out. It's a bit of a chicken and egg situation because the right job might help her behaviour.
Do I bite the bullet and lie on the reference form and leave myself open to possible fall out if they find out I've lied or do I refuse to give a reference and make things worse for everyone around the step daughter?

Can you be honest about her good qualities? Presumably this is a character reference as you have not been her employer.

Take away the fact she is your stepdaughter, would you consider her to look after your elderly mother knowing how she is as a person?

If she is as you say, you have a responsibility to the vulnerable people she will be working with.
I don’t think you can possibly do this.
Sorry OP. I recognise this is a difficult situation for you.

I wouldn’t do it, I’m sorry.

I would not want a violent, drug abuser looking after my elderly, vulnerable relatives.

I don’t think you would either. She needs to address her issues, but should not be working in care!

the right job might help her behaviour.

This is not the right job. She's a violent drug abuser and she'll be responsible for the case of vulnerable, ill, elderly people, some of whom won't be able to express themselves properly due to any number of factors.

I've worked in a care home, you need compassion in spades and the patience of a saint. She's clearly going to be a danger to the people who are meant to be safe in their home.

You SD has no right to put you down as a reference for anything without asking your permission first. She's brought this on herself. You would be absolutely mad to vouch for her when you know it'll have to be untrue.

You're not letting your partner down either. He's been on the wrong side of her violence, would he really want her let loose in a care home?!

Please don’t. My DF with end stage dementia is bed bound without speech or any movement in a care home. I would not want a violent person looking after him.

Absolutely not

Do not lie, a violent person with a drug problem is not the person to be in a caring role. Tell her you can’t be her reference for that type of role.
Could you live with yourself if she got the job based on your lies and did something bad ?
Getting a good job might well help her, but the care sector for vulnerable elderly people shouldn’t be an experiment to find that out.

Thanks everyone,
You have all aired all of my concerns and it has prompted a frank and honest discussion with my partner and he agrees that I shouldn't compromise any ethics and there are many in this case. We are going to try again to get help with her although she needs to be on board.
Thanks again and take care everyone xx

That’s good OP. It sounds really tough so you need to be honest with him and keep the channels open between you. Best of luck

Thats good to hear, I have spent months in nursing homes as a patient as a step down bed from hospital. It takes compassion, patience and stamina. I have also worked in one years before and it was hard work and at times I came out of rooms and took and deep breath and returned back in to the situation, but the second was much needed always and passed off as having to get something.