Is putting 'dinner party' on an invitation uncouth?

[Tailfeather]

I'm getting an invitation designed for my husband's and my joint 40th birthday. We're having caterers in and we're planning on canapés and cocktails followed by a 3-course supper. Would I invite people to a 'dinner party' or just invite them for supper or just invite them to a party?

(I do realise this isn't a massive issue in the grand scheme of things! But google hasn't helped, so I'm just looking for some opinions).

Thanks!

I work for a charity that attracts are lot of older people as supporters. Sometimes they write us letters and they all have their own printed stationery with their address on the top. I found it so baffling! But it must have been a "thing" for their generation (I guess pre-email?) as they all do it.

I have printed stationary.

--As ds does and he's 4.

This gets much piss taking when writing back to the UK.

I have my own pre printed cards that I use for thank you notes.

Anyone whose ever been to a YFC ball has had a "carriage at 1am" aka get home pissed in a taxi!

I once got a inivitation that said ‘Lounge suit’ on it and —because I am uncouth— didn’t realise that was a dress code and spent ages wandering round a hotel looking for the Lounge Suite!

😂😂😂

I'm seriously thinking of getting some at home cards now. Love them.

One of the best things about the run-up to Christmas is getting 3 or 4 'at home' cards to add to the mantelpiece -usually neighbours or very local friends, who are literally 'at home' for a specified afternoon or evening and inviting friends to pop in for a short or longer visit.....often a cup of tea/mulled wine and mince pies, or could be much more booze in the evening, depending on who is hosting. It's more low key than a full scale party and fine to pop in for half an hour, but nice to see people and feel festive. The 'at home' card works well and it's lovely to have a couple on the mantelpiece.....but perhaps people think mantelpieces are old fashioned or snooty too...

I made Dh build me a lovely, grand mantle piece just this year. Need some at home cards from others to prop on it.

Just showed him the at home cards and suggested we get some and got a blank stare.

Mentioned the carriage thing and he's in hysterics.

"Oh you British, you're a laugh."

We used to call 'at home' and other formal invitations 'stiffies' ('cos they were made of card) and keep them propped on the mantel. I am not that posh; I just hung round with poshos.

I’m sure it’s not entirely a generational thing. My daughter has a few 21st coming up and most of those are on At Home cards - Mr and Mrs Peter Richards At home with a handwritten “For Hugo’s 21st Birthday” The words black tie are usually put in the bottom right corner, if it is indeed black tie. All military ball tickets (and most other balls ) have carriages at X O’clock. It is going home time rather than any suggestion a Hanson will appear to transport you. Tends not to be on at Home cards though. We’ve certainly had a few people turn up to black tie events with literally a black tie (similar to lounge suit confusion). I can’t see that’s ever a problem and the moment passes quickly if they even realise. Email just misses the excitement factor.

To echo a PP, supper is a mug of cocoa and a biscuit before or even when you go to bed! If someone invited me to supper, I'd pitch up at 10pm in my jammies with my toothbrush and a clean pair of pants 😀

This is a neat little insight into the British class system, and very amusing. I'm from a working class background where 'are you staying for your tea' was the usual invitation. I got a bit aspirational and did full-on 'dinner parties' with my mates in the 80s where I made ridiculously complicated roulades and percolated coffee. Now I live in a world of 'carriages' and 'at home' s and I know that supper isn't tea and toast before bed, and even though you can't call it a 'dinner party' any more, it's still the same thing, though nobody seems to make ridiculously complicated things any more. On Saturday I went to 'supper' and there was a written-down seating plan. I'd feel very weird doing that but it's completely normal for the hostess.

What does black tie mean if it doesn't mean wear a suit with a black tie?

@StealthPolarBear Here you go. What is black tie? . Also explains what white tie is (just to blow your mind!)

My Mum likes to do “At Homes”. It means she trills gaily down the phone that they’ll be “At Home” all day, come round any time, we’re very relaxed... and then she spends the afternoon of the party slamming pans around in the kitchen because some people failed to realise that hot food would be served for a precise number of people at 1.38pm, and they needed to arrive by 12.54pm ready.

I have at home cards! They are a life saver. I use them all the time! I would put something on there like. Betty and sam invite you to 40th celebration, canapés followed by dinner, drinks and dancing. Carriages at midnight. Rsvp.

Arrive at 7.30 for sit down at 8.30.

HAha! SOunds like Bridget Jones' mum with Una Alconbury. They'd have loved an 'at home' but been stressed by hosting. Some of this kind of stuff is perhaps a little dated and confined to certain groups, but I have to admit to being a bit surprised that people might not know what 'black tie' is. To be fair, I've not been to many black tie events I really event years, but don't most 6th Forms host a leavers Ball which would be black tie? I think lots of wedding invitations and other fancy parties use the term 'carriages' for the end time, but I appreciate that most of us aren't being invited to constant fancy parties.....I'd like a few more invitations. I suppose it depends on the breadth or narrowness or a social circle, how much you know about all kinds of social 'norms'. If you don't have any friends or have never worked in a business which hosts formal parties, or had traditional weddings, or been through education which has Balls or other formal events, then why would you know about this stuff? If you don't own a suit and have never had to wear one, it might be harder to know what a lounge suit is, or what 'casual' means. Likewise, lots of people might not have a clue about what is the norm regarding what to wear to a nightclub, or certain bars, or what lots of the terminology for activities means......what about terminology related to certain types of exercise, or horse or dog racing, or bingo, or craft activities, or beauty pageants or dance competitions.....or whatever. We only know what were exposed to, and the narrower our range of exposure, the more stuff we don't know and aren't familiar with. 'At homes' might sound odd and far away from many people's experiences, but the same could be said for lots of things.

ChocolateWombat you are exactly right.

I still don’t understand what an At Home is 🤷🏻‍♀️

Supper sounds massively stuffy to me, dinner party says what it is perfectly.

I want at home cards now. I usually just send a text

We only know what were exposed to, and the narrower our range of exposure, the more stuff we don't know and aren't familiar with. But this is exactly why people are so baffled, because Cherry wrote "just use your usual 'at home' cards." To me, that was the narrow-minded stance, the presumption that the OP (and everyone else really) knows what they are and uses them.

I have a university education and a professional job and have no idea what black tie means or a lounge suit. And I had never heard of at home cards until this thread.

me too stealth! I had heard of them but only in Jane Austen novels (Persuasion, where Miss Elliot furnished herself with 'At Home' cards for her evening parties in Bath)