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Original poster

Help with nursery problem?

18 replies

Angblu · 23/09/2018 17:12

My little one, just 3 in summer, started nursery last week, but I'm really not happy at all. It's a school nursery and has its own rules, and my little one isn't potty trained yet. However, in the first week of meeting her, they have a long list of how they feel she isn't developmentally ready for nursery, and they don't feel safe with her!! I have had to stay with her the whole time, but not cos she was sad for me to leave, because they didn't feel safe with her. But also that they can't accept not potty trained children, they have no staff to deal with them. I am so angry and upset by all of this, I feel like everything I have done with her has been pointless. She is a bright, inquisitive, boisterous little girl, but her speech is a little behind her age, and her social skills maybe too, as she has never been in a nursery environment and was enjoying the setting, only to be removed. I feel that we have been judged, that my child is a problem child , not given a chance. I want to move her to another one, or maybe keep her off for a little while longer. I really don't know what to do. Advice please (so sad 😞)

OP posts:
wheresmyhairytoe · 23/09/2018 17:19

That is appalling, they cannot refuse to take non toilet trained children.
I'd look for somewhere else asap, they sound awful!

Butterflysprinkles · 23/09/2018 17:19

Are there any other nurseries near by? Did they tell you before you enrolled they didn't take non potty trained children?
They should have told you at the beginning. They really shouldn't make you feel like that. Feel for you it's so tough as it is and doesn't help if the nursery are like that.

MrsTeachy · 23/09/2018 17:20

That sounds awful. Did they have any suggestions about how you can help her become more 'ready'?

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Childcare & nursery Families
Knittedfairies · 23/09/2018 17:22

I don’t understand why they don’t feel safe with her; what did they mean?

donkir · 23/09/2018 17:25

I work in a private nursery and we have lots of 3yr olds that aren't potty trained. I'm not trained in potty training but it's part of the job and you just get on with it.
As for not being able to cope with your child it's bloody stupid. That's the whole point of nursery they build the child's confidence with communication and language, social and emotional and physical. It's part of the eyfs. I'd be looking for another preschool/nursery. Depending on when her bday was you might be able to get the 15hrs funding so look at a private nursery.

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 23/09/2018 17:27

Were you told that they wouldn't accept children who weren't potty trained before they accepted her? A lot of settings have this rule but you should be made aware of it.

SoyDora · 23/09/2018 17:27

What do they mean by not feeling ‘safe’?

Original poster
Angblu · 23/09/2018 17:33

They said that they preferred that she was to be toilet trained, but they didn't say she would be removed if she wasn't! They've said they don't feel safe with her as because they don't feel like she is developmentally ready for a nursery environment as she was running round (loving it) with no fear or concept of others, was not identifying with anyone (I was there the whole time) and was not responding to requests or nursery rules (has never been in this environment)
I am a sahm, and have been to many toddler groups, soft plays, rhyme times, parks etc EVERYWHERE every week with her. I don't know what I was supposed to do!! So upset...

OP posts:
Original poster
Angblu · 23/09/2018 17:45

Sorry I dont know how to reply to you all individually 😬!

OP posts:
WinkysTeatowel · 23/09/2018 17:49

Go elsewhere.

wheresmyhairytoe · 23/09/2018 18:27

It sounds shit, get her somewhere where they actually care about children.

overagain · 23/09/2018 19:15

Find another nursery. That sounds shit.

Private nurseries do the free hours too. Some you have to 'top up' for things like lunch but some you don't.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 23/09/2018 20:06

Find another nursery, ring around local schools to ask if they have places available and then go for a visit or try private nurseries offering the free 30hrs (check you won't need to pay any extra though if using a private nursery).

Our school nursery has kids in pull ups, they would want parents to be working on potty training (unless SEN) with the goal of being in pants, but they won't refuse children in pull ups. To be honest, they're only in nursery for 3hrs a day, so unlikely to need a change anyway.

Some kids take longer to settle and if your child does have some additional needs, now's the time to spot them, work on them, get further help if necessary etc etc, not to send the poor child home. What happens in September when she starts Reception!! Good luck OP, I think you just need a more accepting setting for your DD.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 23/09/2018 20:08

Sorry, should be free 15hrs as you're a SAHM, so not eligible for the 30hrs funding.

Original poster
Angblu · 23/09/2018 21:17

We had to be on the list for this nursery for well over a year, it is attached to an outstanding ofsted rated school, and it seems like that's all they're obsessed by. No problem kids here please!! I feel so let down by them. They've not given my little one a chance have they! All kids are different, but just make sure your little one is a trained seal before you come to our nursery! I really do need to find another nursery. What gets me as well is that they will have had the funding for her to go there, but now not actually allow her to go there! WTAF?
She's not a problem child. She's not any of the things they've said. Shes a little girl that needs that environment to develop her self a bit more! I need to remove her. Aarrggh!

OP posts:
JKCR2017 · 26/09/2018 21:03

Sounds like a terrible place. Take her out and find somewhere better. There are always some fab nurseries that care deeply for the children and understand that all children are different. 😊 this is coming from somebody who has two children with developmental delays. DS went to a fab Pre school and my DD goes now too.

Avebury · 26/09/2018 23:28

Playing Devil's advocate here -
What were you doing when she was running round not listening to anyone? Were you just observing or trying to encourage her to settle to do something or sit on the carpet to join in with singing etc.

coffeekittens · 26/09/2018 23:37

Report them to ofsted, this place sounds awful and poorly managed. It’s part of nurseries job to support and nurture children under their care whilst working in partnership with parents to enable this. Your DD sounds typical of a child who is just entering a nursery setting (they need to have a read of the EYFS!). Unless you’ve point blank refused to support your DD in beginning to follow their routine and locked up a massive fuss I can’t see their problem.

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