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Original poster

When your in laws get on your nerves do you argue back or just try n not react?

28 replies

LardLizard · 23/09/2018 00:11

Fil will make he’s little shitty jokes aka digs

Usually about me being a stay at home mum

I get torn between giving him a real piece of my mind and not letting the fucker see he’s even annoying me

OP posts:
Magmatic80 · 23/09/2018 00:15

Nod and smile is my mantra

SnartyFartBlast · 23/09/2018 00:19

Ah what joy!
I have exactly the same issue. I tried to smile and ignore. No effect and eventually I just had enough. So now I call them on every bit of nonsense. Still no effect but I feel much better. I’m not going to sit back while they criticise me and my family.

Floaty2018 · 23/09/2018 00:24

Aahhh I have the same, shitty inlaws but I have found that what pisses them off the MOST is that for 5 years all Ive done is smile and nod to EVERYTHING.
They say awful things and love to complain about everything I do, but I never ever ever respond and it drives them MAD because they don't know what's going on inside my head! They have never had the satisfaction of being able to say "See, we were right about her , she is X/Y/Z" because I silently smile and nod to EVERYTHING including the digs Grin

MamaHechtick · 23/09/2018 00:56

I used to ignore but I can't anymore. Fil makes digs and comments about me being Jewish because he's a Muslim and an arse.
Mil would have the world believe I brainwashed her precious son and don't want him to have any contact with his family. I will always defend myself because I think it's important to show our DC's that if someone is saying or doing something wrong you should stick up for yourself. DH usually backs me and if anything the only reason he still sees his DM is because I drive us there.

Original poster
LardLizard · 23/09/2018 07:48

Yes I’ve mainly tried to not give him the satisfaction of riling me
But actually don’t think I can keep it up anymore

OP posts:
Johndoe10 · 23/09/2018 07:51

I smiled and nodded for eight years then then I couldn’t take it no more and completely reacted and probably burned too many bridges.

I hear you with the fil ‘jokes’ - they are just misogynistic pricks.

Try and avoid

Johndoe10 · 23/09/2018 07:52

Over**

Autumnwindy · 23/09/2018 07:52

Well I sat there for 10 hours years listening to shit around the dinner table... Never saying a word On all sorts of issues...

They still don't like me they have been utterly rude horrid etc

Autumnwindy · 23/09/2018 07:52

So call them out challenge.

It Feels good actually.

Autumnwindy · 23/09/2018 07:53

You don't burn bridges for reacting to being treated badly they did when they chose to start being so rude to a new family member

LusaCole · 23/09/2018 07:54

Depends on my mood! Sometimes I start an argument, usually I nod and smile.

Mine is the other way around btw! My MIL doesn't approve of working mothers and thinks children need their mums at home.

SoyDora · 23/09/2018 07:59

I’m the opposite, I used to call them out (always my FIL too) but now I just smile and nod. Seems to irritate him more!

Original poster
LardLizard · 23/09/2018 08:02

Lusa, intestering you day that as I have. Afeeling fil would also make digs if I was a work out the home mum too

OP posts:
bangourvillagebesttimeever · 23/09/2018 08:02

Put a stop to it now. Both me and my SiL are the focus of the FIL nasty little digs. He thinks he is being funny too. By ignoring it which is what we did initially it just allowed it to get worse. All meant to be funny of course but only ever directed at us not his sons. We are not SAHM however we get ....your windows are dirty, are you lying in again ( been up since 5 with a new baby and went back to bed) , your going to have to get down the gym( at SiL who had just given birth), the list is endless. He is a bully who targets the woman of the family. My SiL blew up and they didn’t talk for a while that was at Christmas where he asked her if she thought she was a domestic goddess and then said but don’t worry your not....he really doesn’t think he does anything wrong at all. He takes the mick out of his wife too but again all just for a laugh..... he knows not to say anything to me now as I challenge him. By smiling and ignoring will leave you simply frustrated and you will hate it every time you know he is visiting.

MsSquiz · 23/09/2018 08:03

I find it easier to respond when the digs are about SIL rather than me...
for example there was one occasion where BIL & SIL had a clash of SIL work (part time gym instructor), older nephew's parents evening and younger nephews hospital appointment. FIL made the comment to me and DH that she "needs to knock that on the head" so I said "should she cancel the hospital appointment or parents evening?"
He then tried to back track and I just walked away.

But when it is comments/digs towards me, I have to let them go, because my temper will turn it into a huge thing. Although I tend to let DH know I am not happy about it

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 23/09/2018 08:04

Oh I should add my SIL is a city lawyer and I think he hates the fact she earns more than his DS!

Original poster
LardLizard · 23/09/2018 08:04

It’s really got to the point now, where I just don’t want to go there, haven’t been for quite a while, quite. A few weeks
But there’s something coming up soon so seeing them will be unavoidable in about a weeks time, and I’m thinking about how to handle it

Mil doesn’t make the digs but she doesn’t tell him to shut up either
So not sure about her

OP posts:
bangourvillagebesttimeever · 23/09/2018 08:06

My MIL says nothing too! Just sits there. They come as a pair as far as I am concerned.If my OH acts like an ass I call him out on it. She says nothing and blames all of us

LusaCole · 23/09/2018 08:06

Yes Lard you're probably right there!

junebirthdaygirl · 23/09/2018 08:08

My dh would have just swooped in and knocked it on the head. Where is you dh?

Original poster
LardLizard · 23/09/2018 08:09

Yeah same if my dh behaved like that, to a future dil I’d tell him to stop being so rude

OP posts:
Original poster
LardLizard · 23/09/2018 08:09

Lusa, in fact I’m sure of it

OP posts:
Original poster
LardLizard · 23/09/2018 08:15

June, exactly if my family said things like this to dh I would put a stop to it straight away
But dh sits back n says nothing
He doesn’t get on with them that well, never wants to see them, never tell them anything going on in his or our life
Dh attitude is to ignore him and not give him the satisfaction
It’s actially causes argument between dh and I because I think dh should tell him

In fact fil recently send a dig joke via what’s app on a group chat
I went mad to dh and said you’d better say something
He said he would but then the next day I told him not to bother as didn’t want to make it into a massive deal
I e told him though that next time we see them in person if he makes a dig dh should say something

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 23/09/2018 08:16

So why are you seeing them if your dh doesn’t like them?

I’d just not bother going. That’s a better way to ignore them.

I would say something though!

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 23/09/2018 08:16

Lusa my OH is part of the problem. He has grown up thinking this is normal. He regresses into an ass when his DP arrive and he tries the funny jokes too. Although he isn’t sexist! My SIL DH does step in and confronts his dad too. However the little digs they don’t pick up on....