How many times does someone have to do something you’ve asked them not to do...

[tissuebox]

...before you know they are being goady?

After far too many years of MIL calling upon me to do stuff for her and her family (of which I am not part apparently, I’m a “married in”, her words) because I was trying to be nice, I’ve now said no more favours. I’m busy, overworked, have young dc, and quite frankly am sick of being called upon to do her paperwork (bookkeeping, tax, even letters to work and school for SIL) and getting complaints in return.

So, I have made the general announcement to everyone, not singling MIL out, that I will not be helping anyone, that I need to concentrate on me and my dcs for a while.

Since saying this a couple of days ago MIL has sent two emails telling me she has told people (an aunt and a neighbour of hers) that I’ll do some work for them. I ignored her, she’s testing me. DH has now come home from visiting her with a message that the aunt needs the work done this weekend. I had mentioned to DH that I was saying no more work to MIL but it went in one ear and out the other so he didn’t shut MIL down 🙄.

He knows now.

Anyway, how many times do I “remind” her or ignore her before I know she’s just being a cow?

I reckon she's being a cow already. You've told her once, no need to do so again unless she asks you directly. Then you just do the tinkly laugh and ask if her memory is going.

Actually she may well be being a cow by volunteering my services to others so then she can tell them that I’ve said no and my name will be blackened. 🙄

I’ve never met the neighbour and the aunt won’t care so all is well.

As you say, she is testing you. Just keep on saying no.

Yes I will. Well, I think I’ll just ignore because I’m not jumping through a hoop with every email she sends, just deleting.

She is volunteering you to do work for someone you have never met?! Would they be paying you the going rate?

Not the point I suppose, if you don't want to do it, that's fair enough. I'd simply send her a text reiterating what you have already said. If she asks again, re-send the same text. After that, simply ignore her.

No, not paid. The neighbour thing is not even in my field. It’s looking some information up on a database that is freely available to everyone. It probably took MIL longer to write the email to me than to find the site herself.

Yeah I wouldn't respond either.

You've already said you're not doing anything else for now (or ever!).

If she mentions it face to face I agree with the tinkly laugh and headtilt with "oh MIL, did you forget about the email I sent you on x date?"

The good thing about the head tilt and "did you forget" is she'll either have to reply

A)yes I remembered but ignored you thought you'd do it anyway, or
B) no I forgot

Neither of which make you look bad at all

Thinking about it like that ^ maybe she’ll not mention it at all. She’s a bit “elephant in the room” like that. I wouldn’t be surprised if she said nothing when I saw her if I say nothing about receiving the emails 😁

I don't have anyone in my life like that. I imagine deleting her messages is best. If she confronts you in person then have to say "Sorry, can't do that" & move convo to other topics.

youarenot the other option that is always available to people like this is 'Oh I didn't think you meant me/this/us!'

YeOldeTrout It started off with me being nice because 1. my (job) skills are useful to them and 2. I felt a bit bad for SIL because she got into a muddle sorting some school stuff out because she didn’t understand what the school were asking.

But as time went in it became expected, annoying but I suppose I’d brought it on myself, but then they started complaining that I wasn’t doing stuff quick enough and then that I’d done it wrong 😮!

Apparently such and such a person thinks they should be claiming this that or the other and I don’t know what I’m doing etc. Never got thanks and in the end I just thought “What am I doing spending my pre ious free time writing emails arguing my case, for work I’m doing for free, for people who just complain.