Mother-in-law buying stuff for my baby

[Lolest]

Hello, I just wanna share a few things about my mil and please tell me if I'm just being sensitive.

Part 1

So I met my boyfriend 4 years ago and we have been living together since.l got to know his family I started noticing a few things that i thought weren't right. First we started dating around christmas and i noticed that the mom is the one that buys all the christmas gifts for everyone. And then she wraps them and writes names on them like From Ryan (boyfriend) to dad, from dad to Daniel (boyfriend's brother). So as everyone opens the gift she tells a story about why she got the gift and were she bought them. Same with birthdays she buys gifts and does the same thing. On Valentine she got me some gifts them wrote my BF's name on it. (She got me pots , pans and knifes garbage can all kitchen stuff) then after took the money from my bfs accoun. Now My boyfriend is 29 years old now meaning he was 25 when we met. And his mom had all passwords for his online banking and any kind of bills that were under my b's name. So we got calls every time from her reminding him that they is no money yet in his bank account to pay a certain bill of which he knows. Or to say that some payments went through bluh bluh bluh.

I'm a very independent person I have been living alone since I was 16. I saved up money and managed to move here (Canada) to go to college and when we met I was in my second year studying to become a Special Care Counselor. So I think that kinda became a problem for her because I didn't ask for any help from her since I known her. She didn't like the fact that i was independent one day she straight up told me that she wants to be needed.

So I asked my bf why he cant take care of his own things, hes response was that its like that even with his brother who is almost 30yrs old now. He said that their mom insists on taking care of every little thing in the family even does all the laundry including underpants. So since we were living together in my apartment I started teaching him a few things like how to pay bills online and all and how to manage his own bank account. Oh my my my the mil did not like that, we started getting calls from her asking what's happening.

The other thing is we have never went anywhere without his family. One time we planned our first vacation before you know it everyone was coming. Same with vacations that came after that each time they made bf feel bad for excluding them so we just end up going with everyone. Birthdays are planned by mil every time its dinner at her house. Hes been trying to put a few boundaries but no body respects them.

You both need to be stronger.
Mil turns up, you don't answer door, or go to door and say sorry now is not convenient, call first.
Mil buys tat you don't want, "thanks for thought mil but we don't need that, you should check with us before wasting your money."
Mil insists on having baby over "No mil that doesn't work for our family right now. We will let you know when we need help"
Stay strong and firm. She will no doubt sulk and try to manipulate things but stay firm and don't give in.

OMFG I can't believe you didn't run for the hills in the first 3 months of your relationship.

In for a penny in for a pound now.

If you move don't be surprised if she moves next door.

Sorry I have no advice.

Ok so I've been here but with my own father and managed to break free.

I graduated from uni and moved 200 miles away.

I had previously had some very minor uni debt and my father insisted on controlling my bank accounts etc. Whenever I would see him he would comment on any purchases I had made etc etc so once I bought a vibrator from Anne Summers to shut him up because I was fairly sure he wouldn't comment on that one.

The bottom line is that she is and always will be a control freak until you emphatically tell her to leave you alone. This can't be done politely in any way it has to be clear.

There are many occasions in my life that I look back on and see how controlling my father was and now I'm pregnant I can see he's trying to creep in again with the control but as soon as I see it happening I tell him to back off- I don't let is escalate.

He hates it but I don't care. I'm an adult, I'm doing fairly well with my life and I don't need him interfering.

Honestly, OP, this is like that mantra 'You do what you always do, you get what you always get'. Why on earth did you move in with, far less get pregnant with your boyfriend's mother? Because that's what this sounds like. Do you actually want to have a baby with someone who is, essentially, a baby himself?

Bit harsh telling OP to leave because of MIL - you can't say someone shouldn't be allowed relationships because they have a crazy/difficult parent! And before you say 'Oh, but they ought to stand up to them more', you can't know how challenging that might be for them, what threats the family might hang over their head etc.

But this MIL needs to know that her behaviour is not normal and it is not something you have to accept and you won't accept it because you have a right to your own lives like everyone else.

Moving away, if possible, sounds like a good idea.

I cant believe she had a baby shower and only invited her side.
Your father in law even suggesting he was going to call the baby by a different name is a serious red flag.
There seems to be very little respect. Dysfunctional family on her side. I would not see her in a private space. Only a public space. She seems to be emotionally unstable and I wouldn't feel safe being with the baby in her presence in a private space.

That's outrageous. She's toxic.

I think you will end up not seeing her.

Your DP will have deep issues as a result of this. He's in a stressful position now because everything in his head will be telling him he's a naughty boy, yet he'll want to do the 'right' thing by you.

He will need counselling, there's no way around it.

Omg the whole family sound mad , I feel sorry for the baby and you . I suggest you move far away and change your number . That's the maddest thing I have ever heard she wanted to choose the baby's name