5 year old behaviour

[Evilwater]

I’m pulling out my hair out at the moment. I’m at my wits end and quite frankly he’ll end up grounded for life!!

I’m a single mum, who left a abusive relationship. My 5 year old has come home before and said things;
“Dad told me that it’s my brain that does the bad things”
And when I’ve spoken to his dad about the bad behaviour he comes back with
“Dad told me that I’d be thrown out the window if I’m naughty”

The bad behaviour is;
Hitting other children,
Not listing to the teacher to the point where he is at the headmasters office at least once a week if not more
Running around the classroom,
Spitting,
Pushing in line,
Talking back,

I’ve talked to my 5 year old about this and he likes being sent out as he ends up in the year 6 class where he enjoys thier work. You’d think all this time out would see him fall in his school work but no! His teacher says he does wonderful work when he concentrates. He’s already at level 8 (oxford reading) of his reading.

I use time out, for immediate punishment, then he has a reward chart (which is currently covered in X’s) I’ve now started taking his toys away for the hitting .

What else can I do?
What I am I doing wrong?

What I am I doing wrong?

It's not about you, not even a little bit. The things his Dad is saying aren't going to help at all. How are school handling his behaviour (aside from removing him from the class?) - are they thinking of alternative strategies or just dealing with him as those incidents happen? Things like nurture group are worth enquiring about, and reward systems if there aren't any in place.

Speak to school and find out what they're planning to do long-term to help him regulate his behaviour. Is your Ex the sort who could also work with school, or would he work against you as a way of controlling you? Be open with school about your Ex and the relationship you were in; as awful as it can be to admit, they can support your son so much more if they know and understand his family dynamic.

My Ex is the type of person that would use this against me. We barely speak to each other. I have tried in the past to get a dialogue going, but it’s not happened.
I have been open with the school, but I’m worried that if his behaviour continues he will be excluded.

If he likes being in the year six class because he enjoys the work, could it be that he's bored in the class he is meant to be in? If the other class has more complex work, he could be acting out because his current class setting isn't enough for him. If that is the case, I would definitely talk to the school about options which might challenge him a bit more.

I spoke to the schools ol last year and the family support worker was going to spend some time with him.
The teacher is using a reward chart in her class.