Was talking with a relative the other day and she expressed that my parents have , probably inadvertently, confided too much in me.
Both grew up in challenging situations, my mother more than my father. DM was exposed to abuse from very early age, and then raped in her teens, had psychiatric treatment in the 80s that didn't help at all (ECT).
As far as I remember, I have known she was abused since I was 8 or 9 or so. Knew about the ECT from age 13 or so , maybe earlier . Knew she had self harmed from about that age too and taken overdoses etc (not since I was born thankfully). I don't think she had anyone else to tell. I remember I read her diary once but I didn't find out anything I didn't already know if you see what I mean. She has told me some graphic stuff and shared poems with me etc. She has a lot of mental health problems and I think was diagnosed with BPD once. I don't understand much about it to be honest. She has PTSD as well. She has often suspected that she maybe has minor learnings difficulties.
She wouldnt talk to her family, I know that.
DF Wasnt abused as such but has written me very long letters about his relationship with my mum, including sexual, which at 17 was very upsetting to read and difficult to understand why he wanted to Tell me. Mum has confided things about their relationship too, although once my dad did. He treated me as an adult all along. Gave me adult responailites I could not deal with. He told me at age 4 he was divorcing as he didn't have the balls to tell mum, perhaps. I was expected to deal with that myself.
I feel that they maybe see me as their therapist of sorts, I'm not sure, definitely with dad any father daughter boundaries are long gone. Mum does her best and is always a very loving mum and tries her absolute best to support me . Would never hurt me intentionally and is my best friend really. I feel sometimes though I have to be their parent.
I have a sibling and two stepbrothers. Sibling is severely autistic and stepbrother is very psychiatrically unwell. No contact with stepbrothers anyway. DM and DF 25 years divorced.
Is it wrong to feel my relative was maybe right in her observations? It's not the first time someone's has said it,... but neither parent acted intentionally out of malice. I feel I should do my best , that it's my 'duty'
, and it would be selfish to wish my parents could confide in others sometimes, but I feel I can't always offer the support they need, mum specially, I am not always sure what to say at all. I often find myself wishing there was someone wiser than me who could offer mum proper help.
I took a nervous breakdown at 19 and have a lot of anxiety problems still now ten years on, on medication and have had a lot of therapy.
I found myself on the defense when my relative said it, but perhaps she's partly correct? It's certainly been playing on my mind since I heard it said , and now I'm not sure what to think. It isn't my parents fault at all, I know that much. Just interested in anyone's thoughts , how I could understand it better.