Going from 3DC to 4....tell me about it?

[ElephantShrew]

Just that really! I have three small DC. Part of me knows another would be a real stretch - I often find parenting the three I have difficult and tiring.. The other part adores being a mum and desperately wants one more child before my time is up. I'm late 30s with PCOS so another isn't guaranteed in any case, I'd have to have a serious conversation with DH who probably wouldn't be that keen anyway - but I want to be sure I really know my own mind before even entering into that. So just wanted to hear about your experiences (practical, emotional) of adding another child to an already large family. I don't know anyone with 4 to ask IRL so appealing to the wisdom of MN!

Different point of view but I'm one of four. I'm actually one of six but the two little ones came along later so didn't grow up with us (although we all love and adore them). My mum says after 2 the rest made no difference. Me and my siblings played all the time! As we got to preteens the youngest was still very much the baby of the family and we used to moan when she did things we wouldn't have been allowed to do etc. Now I'm older I realise that after 3 my mum just learned which battles to fight. We're still close now as teenagers/early twenties. 3 of us shared a room until we were teens, we had other bedrooms in the house, think we just wanted to be with one another we did have a massive ugly people carrier though.

Its fab, I barely noticed the extra work as you are pretty full on with three anyway. The dynamic of four kids is better than three. They often pair off in twos and no one is left out. Also the older ones really remember the youngest being little and they are much gentler and more thoughtful around little kids because of it.

How old are your kids. We're having the exact same dilemma. 4 would be a massive stretch but we really really would love another one.

There's lots of 4 kids families in my family. Theyve said it's obviously hard but somehow it all works out.

Haha vidal0ca we already have a massive, ugly, dented people carrier with a Dairylea/mud interior so car shame isn't an issue (although the actual logistics of getting four carseats into it might be worth thinking about).

gesu currently 4, 4 and 3. They're a pretty tight unit, so I'm not sure if another would end up feeling left out, especially if it happened to the opposite sex. But then they often say they want a baby brother/sister (I know, all kids think a baby would be fantastic until it happens!). I've never had to worry about preparing kids for a new arrival either as the twins were only just one when their sibling appeared

Ooh so you'd have 4 under 5! That would be hard!

Do you have all boys ATM? We'd love a little pink one to join us but of course we'd be happy if it was another boy too

I have 4dc. They're older now -17 down to 9 with a 2ish yrs between 1&2 and 3&4, 3.5 years between 2&3.

No3 was a dream and lulled is into a false sense of security. No4 almost broke us, mainly due to an underlying health condition that was flagged at the 12 week scan! He's fine now though

I love having 4, it can be full on and actually as they're getting into the whole teen thing, the logistics of getting everyone everywhere is challenging but I wouldn't change it. I was talking to dc1 earlier about being one of 4 and she says she likes it.

We try not to use the older 2 to 'child mind' but have always paid them if they do babysit. We have a job rota but it's nothing too onerous (dishwasher stacking, recycling sorting, cat feeding and table laying) and all of them can do it. I try and make time monthly to have 1-1 with each of them but equally we do a lot as a family - they all seem to love a movie night with snacks in front of the telly and we are fortunate to live by the coast so do beach/coast walks etc.

With the car thing, we have had a Galaxy and an Espace. Downside with both is lack of boot space. We would love a van at some point to fit all the camping crap in along with 6 people!!

Difficulties are the usual holidays/family passes etc - so much is geared to families of 4 and occasionally 5. Hotels are not really an option for us - we've used youth hostels and now use Airbnb instead of hotels. We did smuggle in an extra dc when they were babies/toddlers but you can't easily hide a strapping 15yo ds

I am also well and truly 'over' primary school runs now. 2 years left and counting. Having stood at the school gate now for 14(? ) years - its all just the same old same old and unfortunately most of my friendship group have moved on.

It's expensive - clubs and stuff. Plus once they get past a certain age, they don't want to wear hand me down clothes.

Just asked the dc:

No one flushes the toilet
No privacy in the toilet/bathroom
Shower runs out of hot water
Can't keep anything to yourself - have to share
It's quite loud
Dc2 doesn't like his siblings

It's nice when it's quiet
Dc1 loves her siblings
Can talk to older siblings about things you can't talk to your parents about
Get to laugh at funny stories about each other
Never boring
Get to do lots of things
It's good that it's an even split (2g 2b)
Always have someone to go upstairs/bottom of the garden when you're scared.
Don't get spoiled.
There's a lot of banter

Finally I should add that we're currently all sat in a caravan in the rain scoffing Pringles and Jaffa cakes before we hit the bingo in the clubhouse which is why they're all here to ask

Thanks @PhannyMcNee , really appreciate the time you (and your family!) took to respond! I'd say overall a positive review You sound like a lovely family.

@gesu no, they're all girls! We'd probably escape 4 under 5, all of them would be in school by the time another could realistically make an appearance (unless we got on with it RIGHT NOW )

The other worry is that I do seem to fire out two eggs at once. DD3 was originally a twin too, and the chances of multiples only increases with age...