At what age do you stop checking your dc phone?

[JustCallMeDave]

When my dc got phones for secondary school we had a rule that we needed to know their passwords and also we could, theoretically, look at their phones at anytime. We very rarely did/do because they both seem to be doing fine but occasionally I have had a quick look to check there’s nothing inappropriate on their phones.

I’m deliberately not telling you how old dc are because I’d like to know at what point you think this switches from trying to be a cyber aware parent and trying to keep half an eye on them and when it turns to snooping and an invasion of privacy.

In theory I’d do it up to 16 in reality dd is 15 and I don’t remember the last time I looked. She is sensible and very open with me if things are going on. She is pretty aware of internet safety it’s something we discuss a lot with all 3 dc.
I don’t think there is a hard and fast rule the age I stop may be different for each child.

Watching with interest. Have a younger DC with a phone and they hate that I have an app that controls their phone. I've also said I'd be an irresponsible parent if I didn't check.

They have asked what age I'll stop, I don't know. They aren't entirely honest and forthcoming so that will make a difference I think.

It’s tricky isn’t it. One of my dc is an open book. The other is secretive, very private and I think, struggling at the moment. I’m torn between snooping about on their phone because I really want to know what is going on with them at the moment and not snooping because when they want to tell me they will (so probably never ).

There was some nasty racist cyber bullying at one of my dc school, I would be devastated if my dc went through something like that and I didn’t know. My secretive dc has had some questionable stuff in the past- following inappropriate bloggers etc which we have talked about and they’ve removed, in the past.

It’s a minefield. I know my secretive dc would be very angry if they thought I was checking their phone but they do know I can and theoretically will.

I look after year 8 students and I would say definitely still check phones. What they get up to is scary!

I agree it depends on the child and individual circumstances. I would say 16 is a good starter, but it may be earlier for some. (Or even later for others in unique circumstances)

DS is 14 and I do periodically check his, but not often. I’m mainly checking for inappropriate texts from a couple of friends, or the number of texts (I don’t read them) from his girlfriend who is at another school and is intense!!! Both situations are things we talk openly about anyway hence why I don’t check very often but I do have the ability to if I feel the need. We also have Qustodio installed on his phone/iPad/laptop. We don’t actively go and check what he’s been searching for, but have the ability to check if an alert pops up to say it has blocked anything inappropriate.

DD is 11 and will be getting a phone before she goes to high school next year. We’ll do the same for her. I would imagine the things I will need to watch with her are the texts more than searches - she’s very sensible, but too nice sometimes and has in the past been a victim of cyber bullying via email which was only discovered because I checked her iPad - she hadn’t wanted to get the other girl in trouble so hadn’t said anything!

On the other hand, I have an 18yr old sister with some (minor) developmental delay and some (not so minor) mental health concerns. She still lives at home and I know my mum checks her phone fairly regularly because it’s necessary to keep her safe and to understand what is happening with regards her mental health as she is very closed off and very vulnerable.

I stopped checking my eldest's phone/facebook in about year 9. But she is very sensible and savvy.

My youngest is almost 12 and I will be checking hers for a while still I think.

If I needed to I would check my kids phone up untill they are paying for it themselves or are 18. DD1 got into some problems when she was 16, so her phone was taken and gone through to help her sort them out. DD2 is 11 and I will only check if I think I need to which I can't imagine I will, at the moment she shows me most things anyway and doesnt mind me borrowing it.
I think it depends on your intention, checking a sensible 15 year olds phone who has never been in any trouble and you have no concerns about just because you want to see what they talk about with their friends and what pictures they're taking then thats snooping and an invasion of privacy. If you know theres an issue then your being a responsible parent to get involved before it gets any worse.

I definitely think there’s an issue. I just wish dc would talk to us (and dh and I have tried in a variety of ways to get them to open up, not a confrontational, we need to talk sit down) rather than me resorting to checking their phone in a desperate bid to try and figure out what is going on.

I think it’s a personal thing which varies from child to child. I don’t think I would have been able to check my DD’s phone at the age of 16 and up. At that age she had a job, was travelling an hour each way on the train to sixth form, had been with her now DH for several months. If I’d asked to see her phone I’m pretty sure she would’ve laughed in my face.