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What should I do about situation at work?

16 replies

VolcanicCoconutCoast · 21/09/2018 17:38

I don't know what to do but think I'm being bullied at work. I've been there a year and a half (NHS role, patient facing but administrative/clerical role) and things have got worse the last few months.

First off there is a guy who is there most days who sorts out IT issues, maintenance issues - the 'facilities' person. He is horrible. He and a certain colleague are very flirtatious with each other despite her being married with kids and him being engaged. So it's sometimes me and her on reception (I'm trying not to put myself too much..) and they will be engaging in this flirty behaviour, which oddly involves him showing her pictures of naked women, asking her what she thinks of said women. If I or her leave the room for a moment he often Googles images of nude glamour models and leaves the page open for when we return

He has made jokes about my name before, it's not really unusual but he'll make up stupid songs involving my name, once commented that it was" better than being called 'shit' (he) supposed" he makes up stupid songs about my appearance. This goes down well with my colleague who finds it all hilarious. He talks to me in derogatory ways about his girlfriend, calling her ugly (worse terms for ugly but don't want to write them).

I've been off for the last 2 weeks but before I went on holiday another colleague I was working with went mental at me because I apparently interrupted a conversation she was having with a patient (it was very important that I interrupted her as she had misheard something important that patient had said) she slammed her hand down on the table and then raised it to me as if she was going to hit me (I don't for one second think she would have it's just the sense I got in the moment). She got very angry and told me to never interrupt her again. Patient looked at us gone out and it was highly embarrassing.

When these things happen my manager is never around. She seems to always be on annual leave or in meetings elsewhere.

The main point of contact in HR Is as loony as the rest of them and singled me out and completely humiliated me in a room full of people in a training session a while ago.

I'm really not sure if I'm being over sensitive but I go back on Monday and feel sick. I live with my DP who I've tried to talk to about this but he doesn't seem to understand.. he said something along the lines of well it's not something he's ever experienced so... and that was it.

I'm thinking about packing some things and "running away". I have just come out of a period of depression and don't want the work stuff to take me back there.

I'm also considering just having my notice in. I can manage for about 2 months financially. But I don't think DP will be happy with this. He earns considerably more than me and my contribution is small really, but I don't think he'd "let" me just leave.

Sorry for waffling, that was long. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and what did you do? Thanks

OP posts:
Horsemad · 21/09/2018 17:51

Would you be prepared to report your colleagues for their behaviour?

Littlechocola · 21/09/2018 17:57

Write a written complaint to management and also tell them to look at the computer system.

VolcanicCoconutCoast · 21/09/2018 17:58

Horse, I'm not sure. I'm scared if I report them it'll make my life hell.

OP posts:
MagicKeysToAsda · 21/09/2018 17:59

Is there anyone else in HR you can talk to? They should take the porn issue extremely seriously, and they can get IT to check what sites have been accessed on any login. When I was NHS HR this was instant dismissal. To be honest, as you say he has been doing this on your computer, I presume it's under your login potentially? For that reason alone I would report in writing and in person to HR asap, because you need to make it clear it wasn't you.

I would leave the relationship with your manager and see if that settles down - if it doesn't, it's better treated as a separate issue to the above anyway.

I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious at work. If you can, try to focus on just doing your job really well - that's the part you can control, and will hopefully bring you some confidence back.

user1471453601 · 21/09/2018 18:02

Two colleagues, IT support and HR person all being unreasonable? Really?

Coldhandscoldheart · 21/09/2018 18:03

If you are using your personal login rather than a generic ward login, Lock your screen every single time you leave your computer unattended. Make a note of any time he leaves a picture of a naked woman where you can see it, date, time, photo if you can.
Find a new job.

Horsemad · 21/09/2018 18:03

Well, it's either report, carry on as you are, or look for another job.

I'd report but I can be bolshy & stand my ground. I'd be worried about the porn issue on your computer log in and would definitely report that.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 21/09/2018 18:06

The nhs will have an IT usage policy. This will include shite like this guy is googling. Find out who is in charge of it (the top, not his level) and report with dates etc. Do it anonymously. Report the threat of violence to managers as well as the behaviour of her in training. Contact your Union.
If you can't face it because if stress, go to doctors. Personally I'd be looking for a new job.

VolcanicCoconutCoast · 21/09/2018 18:14

thanks for replies. I'm looking for a new job but it's taking a while to find something. I also don't want it to look bad on my CV, that I only stayed for a year and a half and then left. But I definitely can't stay.
The images are put up on staff pc's when we leave the room for a moment, usually to the toilet .. going away for longer means you'd normally have to take your smart card out.. I'm considering screen shotting the browser history.. but I think really I just need to find something ASAP and leave. I naively didn't think for one second I'd have to put up with this shite in the Nhs.

OP posts:
Rebecca36 · 21/09/2018 18:25

I'm so sorry for you. Sounds like you work with some awful people, the IT man sounds gross!

This: "The main point of contact in HR Is as loony as the rest of them and singled me out and completely humiliated me in a room full of people in a training session a while ago."

Totally unprofessional.

Look for another job pronto then go off sick for your notice period.
I think you're amazing, I'd have walked out long ago so respect to you.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 21/09/2018 18:26

You need to report it to someone senior. Do you know anyone else who would corroborate your story or is there any evidence other than what's on your PC that could potentially land you in it?

Also speak to your Union. Hopefully as you're NHS you belong to one.

StrawberryStar · 21/09/2018 18:33

Even if you leave your computer for a second you should lock it. If you did this it would at least prevent them accessing it.

I’d say ignore the other issues and focus on reporting the indecent images. That’s not acceptable in work. I’m not excusing how the others make you feel but you need to pick your battles.

User212787555 · 21/09/2018 18:36

IT man is definitely breaking internet usage policy. He is also sexually harassing you by making you look at these soft porn images. It’s sexually objectifying women in the work place and making you look and comment on them (when it makes you uncomfortable and you are not joining in) is absolutely bullying.

I can absolutely believe some work place cultures breed negative and unprofessional behaviour - it’s quite plausible they are all pretty vile.

As a side note, the colleague you interrupted may have thought you were humiliating and undermining her by interrupting and correcting her in front of a client. Her reaction sounds horrendous, however it sounds like it was much more than an interruption. Perhaps reflect on your interaction with her a bit more.

captainprincess · 21/09/2018 19:00

This sounds awful, poor you. But don't worry about only being there a year and a half, that's very usual time frame within the NHS to change jobs. No one will bat an eyelid at that. Keep looking and get out of there as soon as possible.

VolcanicCoconutCoast · 21/09/2018 19:00

well I've checked my contract and it states I must report a grievance to my manager first, and then after that follow the grievance procedure, which isn't in my contract but must be on the intranet somewhere. I might think about following this process and bypassing my manager, especially since she's hardly ever in the office.
Thanks for the replies, I think I just needed to rant, and don't want to bother DP anymore with it as I'm worried he might think I just brought it all on myself somehow. I really didn't consider just how much it was affecting me until I wrote it down.

OP posts:
VolcanicCoconutCoast · 21/09/2018 19:02

I've poured myself an early wine 🍷 at least I've still got the weekend.

OP posts:
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