Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Giving up work until child is 3

34 replies

KeysHairbandNotepad · 21/09/2018 15:25

I've just returned to work after maternity leave and I'm incredibly unhappy. We've had to withdraw ds from the planned day nursery as they have ignored some important requests and any trust is broken. The career progression available to me holds no interest , and dh's working hours (rotating shifts) mean that most days I'm left rushing in the morning then alone in the evening to set up for the next day. Ds doesn't sleep through (he's up 4/5 times). Also my employers said no to my flexi working request meaning that I had no choice but to go back full time.

A family member is looking after ds while we find alternative day care but I'm considering jacking it all in until he is 3 and beginning a new career at that point.

Does anyone have any experience of doing this? I'm having trouble making the right decision for us , we're knackered and unable to think straight.

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 21/09/2018 15:33

If you are able to do this and be fine financially then I say quit and be with your child. I was made redundant during my maternity leave and it ended up being a blessing in disguise. I've now had a 2nd child and won't be considering work until she is 3. They are only little once.

steppemum · 21/09/2018 15:33

I stayed at home while mine were toddlers. £ kids, so it ended up being a few years.
My youngest is now 10, I work from home and I'm busy as much as I want to be.
I am really happy that I took the time with the kids.
I am also really happy that I went back to work eventually.

if you can afford it, it is great to be able to spend that time at home.

Original poster
KeysHairbandNotepad · 21/09/2018 15:39

Thank you for your responses. Financially , it's just about doable. We might have to hit our savings and my pension contributions would have to be put on hold though.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
steppemum · 21/09/2018 15:41

sorry £ kids should say - 3 kids

Fatted · 21/09/2018 15:43

If you can afford it, do it! I worked part evenings (so home in the day) from when youngest was a baby and eldest was 2. I'm so glad I've been able to have that time with both boys when they were little. I'm going back full time now because they don't need me as much and I'm bored at home all day on my own!

Fatted · 21/09/2018 15:44

My youngest is 3 now BTW.

MrsMelonBall · 21/09/2018 15:44

Are you in a career that you could easily pick back up in 3 years? Or would your skills have dated in that time?

weaving5688 · 21/09/2018 15:46

What about child 2? How much of a hit will you have to take if you stop doing what you do now - some careers are easier to restart than others. The first years are important, but a family friendly employer is the golden ticket.

I’d try and find a part time position in another company - I moved when my eldest was 2 and it was so much better - and find better childcare. Childcare is always a struggle to find good quality care and sometimes you get one or two bad matches.

showmeahero · 21/09/2018 15:46

Absolutely do it, they're only little once and if you're comfortable financially then go for it! My DH works Full time, I work Part time Nights and our arrangement is perfect.
Can't imagine spending my Days without DC x

ConsiderHerWaysAndOthers · 21/09/2018 15:47

When thinking about money you also need to consider that after a long-ish break it might be a bit harder to find a job. Also, as you mention a career change would that involve retraining and/or an initial salary drop and have you budgeted for that? And if you’re planning more children how would that impact the plan? Personally I be loathe to do it if there was a strong possibility I’d have to hit our savings to make ends meet, to me that would mean we couldn’t afford it. But good luck with whatever you decide.

weaving5688 · 21/09/2018 15:51

Yes you don’t sound that comfortable about it financially - finding a better company and a part time position or having rock solid dc2 proof and retraining plans would help.

I know when someone lets you down and doesn’t take care of your babies you just want to quit but it sounds as though you’d be in a tough spot and a part time job and better childcare are the real beasts to slay.

Original poster
KeysHairbandNotepad · 21/09/2018 15:52

My skills and training will mainly be valid when/if I return to that line of work. I would want to do something different when I return to work.

My other two dc are 10+ and we won't be having any more.

I like the idea of finding evening work but I have no idea what I would do , I work with children at the moment.

OP posts:
weaving5688 · 21/09/2018 15:54

No options to get a similar job with fewer hours somewhere else? If it’s your last dc, I can understand the appeal even more.

Babyshark2018 · 21/09/2018 15:59

I’d do it. You can review your career options later on once he is older and maybe retrain. Or get something part time if you can find good childcare. If he is still waking up that often it would be nice for you to be able to get some rest during the day too (if he will nap).

Original poster
KeysHairbandNotepad · 21/09/2018 16:18

I'm going to see what kind of evening work is around locally before I decide whether to hand in my notice. It's not even about having a career right now , I just want to find something that makes us some money but doesn't rob me of too much time with my family.

Thank you to the poster that mentioned hitting our savings - I would like to avoid doing that if possible to be honest.

OP posts:
MissSueFlay · 21/09/2018 16:28

Do you think you may have more children? If so, then you're looking at longer at home, pension further reduced, more savings eaten into, and that's before you try to get back into work.

It's really hard going back to work after mat leave, especially if you're not happy with the childcare, but you should try to give yourselves time to settle into it all. Look at the things you can change and have control over - the childcare being the main one. You may find that once this is sorted out you can settle into a working routine again. How old is your DS? Is it worth doing some kind of sleep training so you're all in better shape to deal with work & nursery?

Do your DH's shifts rotate on a pattern? If so, maybe you could try doing compacted hours to utilize the time while your DH is around? Don't fall into the thing on working a full-time job and taking on ALL the domestic & child-related stuff as well - it will not help the misery! And maybe start looking for another job now, that can make you feel more empowered.

2 parents working with a pre-schooler is tough, sometimes I felt like I was on a hamster wheel running just to keep still. Glad I stuck with it though, and DH is glad that he wasn't put in the position of being the sole earner. Good luck

MissSueFlay · 21/09/2018 16:29

crossed posts with just about everybody Grin

weaving5688 · 21/09/2018 16:33

Good plan, things will be much better if you’ve got a bit of extra money coming in for a comfort factor. There are always unexpected expenses.

Original poster
KeysHairbandNotepad · 21/09/2018 16:37

We won't have more children and we've decided against sleep training.

The work I currently do is totally inflexible , my hours are set and term-time only.

Dh and I do 50/50 when home so I have no complaints there. The only issue is the nature of his work means that he's working when the busy periods occur at home. His career progression is amazing though and he has a great employer. He can organise annual leave at very short notice.

I do have lots of thinking to do so thanks for the posts.

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 21/09/2018 16:51

Are you a teacher? Can’t you move schools and get a part time role?

Original poster
KeysHairbandNotepad · 22/09/2018 11:18

I'm a teaching assistant. Most nurseries around here only take full-time children , so unfortunately , that's not a solution for me. The ones that do have part-time spaces charge almost as much as full day nurseries.

Also I don't enjoy my job anymore , so would welcome an opportunity to do some voluntary work or train in a different area.

OP posts:
PorkFlute · 22/09/2018 12:01

If you can afford it then your child will benefit in all areas by having you at home. I’m an ex ta myself and the pay is awful so you can’t have been taking much home after childcare anyway?
If you’re looking for evening work then your skills would transfer well to support work for children adults with Sen?

Holidayshopping · 22/09/2018 13:47

I don’t blame you. I’m amazed a TA salary covers a full time nursery wage tbh-they are woefully underpaid.

Starsodarling · 22/09/2018 13:56

Could you childmind if you have experience of childcare?

JynxaSmoochum · 22/09/2018 14:03

I'm having a few years out from teaching. The nursery years weren't so bad and I was P/T, but a year of teaching F/T when one was nursery and one reception class was hellish. Constantly working and running around for very little benefit added. DH can support us comfortably and that comes at a cost of long hours and working away, and our children needed more time than we had with both of us working long hours.

My current plan is that I'll return to teaching/ supply when the younger one is at the upper end of juniors and can manage without wrap around care. With current recruitment and retention issues, I'm not too concerned about returning after several years break! I hope that the system can stabilise and drop some of the bullshit in my absence... but I am an optomist Grin

Work should enhance your life, from the money or the interest. The costs shouldn't outweigh the benefits.